When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?
8:01- "There is something in the air. B****** be crazy." -Kaitlyn. She just described this show in less than 10 words.
8:02- The girls seem completely unconcerned about Kelsey's well being as she lays on the tile floor of this place freaking out. Do you know how disgusting that tile floor probably was? Tile floors, as a flooring type, are probably the most disgusting things you can lay on.
8:05- Kelsey is so insane. She just "fainted" and recovered in a matter of what I'll call twenty minutes and now she's been talking for 5 straight minutes to the girls about everything that is going on. Kelsey makes me really uncomfortable because words are one of my best things and I can't find any to describe her. She said like she felt like she has tied up all the loose ends, to which Kelli Turner asked a legitimate question...
ROSE CEREMONY
8:10- Jade gets a rose.
8:11- Kaitlyn gets a rose.
8:11- Megan, Becca, & Ashley I. get roses.
Final Rose Kelsey gets the final rose. America will deal with her for at least two more hours.
8:12- Mackenzie and her alien talk are headed home as well as Samantha, who had to set the record for least words said by someone who made it into the 6th episode.
8:14- "I want to punch her in the teeth holder." -Kaitlyn. I think there needs to be a "Top 5 funniest things Kaitlyn said tonight" list every week, but I'm too unorganized to compile it. 8:20- The crew has traveled to Deadwood, South Dakota. Josh Cohron sends an A plus tweet about Megan:
8:21- "I'm with 8 beautiful charming women. And Kelsey is here too."-Carly. OH NO SHE DITTINT.
8:23- Becca gets the one on one date and Kelsey takes it predictably not well.
8:29- Chris and Becca go horse back riding. I can't say enough negative things about horse back riding. Let me explain. Once upon a time my youngest brother rode horses a lot. He kept his horse in a barn with other horses. As an older brother who wanted to support the interests of his little brother, one day I decided to go to the farm with him and ride one of the other horses as he rode his horse. This was a bad choice by me. As we rode these horses alongside a fence, my shoe got caught in a bolt sticking out of one of the fence posts and got stuck. The horse did not get stuck. It kept going. So, the horse continued forward and my right foot stayed where it was. Stuck on the fence post. Eventually, this turned into me doing the splits. I can't do the splits. This caused me pain. I yelled, I punched the horse and yelled "stop!" But I don't know if you all know this or not but horses don't speak English, and this was the first time I'd ever ridden a horse so I wasn't sure of the stopping techniques. The horse finally stopped, I got my foot off the fence, cursed some, then vowed to never ride a horse again. And I haven't. That's called commitment.
8:32- "I'm blessed with eloquence and use big words sometimes," says Kelsey about something that has nothing to do with anything.
8:42- Chris and Becca talked about 5 year plans for a bit. It was boring. The best five year plan comes from Adam Sandler in Big Daddy, when he asks a girl who left him for an older man if that man's five year plan was "DON'T DIE." I miss the days when Adam Sandler was funny.
8:44- The group date is everyone except Ashley I. & Kelsey, which means they will have a 2 on 1 date with Chris in which one of them will go home. I don't like either one of them, so I win. Andrew Brown called it. I hope his prediction of a cat fight comes true as well.
8:45- Becca gets a rose and her first kiss with Chris on the one on one date. I got my first kiss in the movie theater when I was in 6th grade watching Casper the Friendly Ghost. That information is free of charge, and if my Mom is reading this she now knows why my friends and I liked going to the movies in middle school.
8:47- The girls are going to write songs for Chris with the help of Big & Rich. It says a lot about where Big and Rich are as a duo that they agreed to come on this show. How many people said no before they called Big and Rich?
8:50- No one can be more excited about this than Carly. Let me take this opportunity to remind you that her job is to sing on cruise ships. She's a "professional."
8:52- Jade is nervous, so Big Kenny makes her run down the street yelling
"I'M GONNA SPEAK MY SONG!!!" You know who else is gonna speak their song? Rock Oliver.
[caption id="attachment_173056" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
I'M GONNA SPEAK MY SONG!![/caption]
9:00- Chris does not have a future in music. What he just did set music back 100 years. Thank god Rihanna, Kanye, and Paul McCartney
did this and totally redeemed Chris.
9:01- "Chris has a cool situation here"- John Rich. If 8 beautiful girls and Kelsey fighting for your affection is your thing then yes, I'd say it's a pretty cool situation.
9:02- Of course Carly the cruise ship singer kills it in the singing portion of the date. She is a singer by profession. You know who else would've killed the group date? Fake Barney would've have killed the group date.
9:21- Chris gives Britt the group date rose on stage at the Big and Rich concert. Chris walks her back in to a room of stone faced killers. All girls not named Britt are not excited that a girl named Britt got the rose at a Big and Rich concert. Josh Cohron with another gem…
9:27- Whitney drops that she is "here for the right reasons." Finish your drink.
9:31- This is the Super Bowl of 2 on 1 dates. It's in the Badlands and
OH LOOK THERE'S MOUNT RUSHMORE!! These are two of the most hated girls on the show. You guys had some great tweets about this 2 on 1 date...
9:34- "Literally with this I just can't even" is a sentence Ashley said about Kelsey that means nothing.
"She looks like a Kardashian" is a sentence that Kelsey said about Ashley that means nothi... well, wait. That actually has merit. Look:
9:37- Ashley talks crap about Kelsey during her one on one time with Chris when she doesn't have her tongue down his throat. "I'm real, and she is fake. *Except my eyebrows. Those are definitely fake."
*I made this part up. Or did I?
9:39- This two on one date makes me hate everything. Mostly this show. I find myself screaming "SHUT UP" every time Kesley opens her mouth.
9:40- Text from Drew Franklin: "I'm just sad that our four most famous presidents had to see this."
9:49- This date did not go well for Ashley. Looks like Kelsey will get the ros....
9:50- OH MAN THIS DATE DID NOT GO WELL FOR KELSEY EITHER.
9:51- Both girls go home. Ashley and Kelsey both going home is like Louisville and Duke playing and both teams losing or a *bomb hitting the arena.
*I'm kidding, I wouldn't want a bomb to hit the arena. Kentuckians paid too much for the Yum! Center to just blow it up.
There you have it, folks. We're down to 7 girls (I think), the point in the show where everyone's emotions get really involved. KSR favorite Whitney is still looking like a front runner.
Just think, if she wins UK can hang two banners this spring! Thanks for tweeting along last night, you guys help make the craziness bearable. As always, I'm Flener and until next week this has been my Bachelor Running Diary.
@AFlenerKSR
UPDATE: Ashley I. appeared on Jimmy Kimmel to talk about it. If you have 8 minutes to waste, go ahead.
When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn’t. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won’t enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart “trying to make it work” while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you’ll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let’s get involved, what do you say?
8:01- "There is something in the air. B****** be crazy." -Kaitlyn. She just described this show in less than 10 words.
8:02- The girls seem completely unconcerned about Kelsey's well being as she lays on the tile floor of this place freaking out. Do you know how disgusting that tile floor probably was? Tile floors, as a flooring type, are probably the most disgusting things you can lay on.
8:05- Kelsey is so insane. She just "fainted" and recovered in a matter of what I'll call twenty minutes and now she's been talking for 5 straight minutes to the girls about everything that is going on. Kelsey makes me really uncomfortable because words are one of my best things and I can't find any to describe her. She said like she felt like she has tied up all the loose ends, to which Kelli Turner asked a legitimate question...
I'M GONNA SPEAK MY SONG!![/caption]
9:00- Chris does not have a future in music. What he just did set music back 100 years. Thank god Rihanna, Kanye, and Paul McCartney did this and totally redeemed Chris.
9:01- "Chris has a cool situation here"- John Rich. If 8 beautiful girls and Kelsey fighting for your affection is your thing then yes, I'd say it's a pretty cool situation.
9:02- Of course Carly the cruise ship singer kills it in the singing portion of the date. She is a singer by profession. You know who else would've killed the group date? Fake Barney would've have killed the group date.
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