Is Watching TV About to Become Terrible?

Remember the days when we sat around complaining about the exorbitant and ever-changing prices of cable packages? When we bemoaned cable company monopolies and looked forward to a future when we could select only the channels we wanted to watch without being married to a whole list of ones we didn’t care about? If only TV channels could be a la carte, we mused, our lives would be so much better.

Well, fellow idiots, we’ve gotten our wish!

Last week, Disney announced plans to remove its programming from Netflix and launch its own streaming service in 2019. Presumably, this service will grant subscribers access to the company’s TV programming (which includes ABC and ESPN), Disney’s substantial movie catalog, and all the Marvel and Star Wars content they own.

Fantastic. Now, instead of spending too much money on a cable subscription for the small selection of content I actually want to access, we can all spend too much money on Netflix, Hulu, Sling, HBO Now, this new Disney service, and whatever half-dozen other streaming services arrive between now and 2019.

In this age of “Peak TV,” viewers need to purchase (or, who are we kidding, borrow the login info for) subscriptions to at least five different services, plus some kind of basic cable package, in order to watch, for example, this year’s Emmy nominees. Shows, actors, and writers working for HBO, Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, Showtime, and a whole host of basic cable and over-the-air networks have received nominations, so if you want to see the best of what TV has to offer, you’d better be prepared to pay up.

Or, you better be a good juggler. New season of Game of Thrones? Ooh, better restart my NBO Now subscription and drop Hulu. House of Cards is back? Ok, Netflix is in; that Sling subscription can wait until I’ve binged it. More Handmaid’s Tale? Alright, back to square one.

Cost-conscious TV lovers will have to make these kinds of switches just to avoid a huge pileup of small monthly fees. $10 here and $15 there already add up, and you’d be forgiven for wondering what was so terrible when all the shows you wanted to watch came from just a few channels.

Don’t get me wrong: a world where the best writers, actors, and directors are being fought over by organizations lining up to give them the budgets and creative license to make great shows is a world I want to live in.

That said, it feels like we’re creeping toward a critical mass where viewers are going to long for the days of the cable company as middleman. What if a third party struck a deal that allowed them to offer Netflix, Hulu, HBO, Disney, etc. for a slightly smaller cost than subscribing to them independently. Would you leap at the deal? I might.

But I’d just be signing up for the old Time Warner cable package that made me want to pull my hair out 10 times a year from 2003 to 2012, when I first “cut the cord.” It would have a different name, and it might offer more content, but it would be essentially the same old monster.

Aside from a juggling act or a return to the bad old days of cable packages, I can see a future where viewers develop service loyalty akin to clothing or tech brands. You might be an HBO fan and slap a sticker on your car broadcasting as such. Or maybe you’ll wear a Netflix t-shirt to show your streaming pride.

Sound ridiculous? Count the number of YETI stickers you see on your next commute and tell me it’s not possible.

Listen, I want access to all the best content, just like everybody else. But if every channel or service that makes stuff we enjoy breaks off to establish their independence and keep that content off of other platforms, we’re all gonna have to pool our money and organize rotating watch parties just to see everything.

I’ll take care of HBO. You guys let me know who ends up with ESPN. I’m gonna be spending a lot of time at that person’s house, and I want to give them a heads up.