Once You Hear It, You Can’t Unhear It: Josh Heupel Is Nate Bargatze Without the Laughs

Nate Bargatze is arguably the biggest superstar in comedy. The Tennessean has roots in Kentucky, giving a certain southern sound to his deadpan delivery that perfectly strikes a chord.

Listening to Bargatze crack jokes is a pleasant experience. You cannot say the same thing about listening to Josh Heupel.

This week, I was coerced by Mrs. Tyler, our heavy-handed boss, into listening to Josh Heupel talk about the upcoming Kentucky football game at his weekly press conference. It’s a terrible task for a multitude of reasons.

First and foremost, we know what that guy has done to Kentucky over the years. The days of Jeremy Pruitt, Derek Dooley, and the Tennessee Champions of Life are over. Heupel has turned Rocky Top into an offensive juggernaut that annually rips out hearts across the Commonwealth of Kentucky.

There’s one more important thing that every writer around the SEC will agree on: He’s the most boring coach in the league. He has turned Coach-Speak into an art form. It’s not the pretty kind of art either; more like a modern art piece where they rearrange trash and tell you it’s art. Heupel says lots of words, but none of them actually mean anything. It’s awful.

To make matters worse, it’s not just what he says, it’s how he says it. Heupel can put you to sleep with his dry tone from behind the podium.

That’s right when it hit me. “I’ve heard this before. Where have I heard this before?”

It wasn’t Heupel repeating the phrase, “flip it forward.” There was something familiar in his tone. I couldn’t put my exact finger on it — OMG, that’s Nate Bargatze.

Listening to Heupel is the same as a setup to a Bargatze joke, just without a punchline. The dry, southern accent isn’t Tennessee twang, but the two sound identical. Just give Heupel a listen for 30 seconds or so.

Now take Bargatze for a spin. I know it’s hard because his audience actually enjoys listening to him and is laughing along, but it is unmistakable. Bargatze is the Vanderbilt version of Heupel, one who entertains with his voice, and not his scheme.

This discovery is a disaster. Bargatze is my favorite stand-up comedian. Hell, he’s related to my best friend. I can’t love the guy enough. Now, every time I hear him set up a joke, I won’t be able to remove the image of Heupel smirking on a sideline as his Vols score another touchdown on Kentucky.