Runner Runner: This Week's Other Movie Premier

If you're excited about a movie premiering this week, the odds are high that the movie you're excited about is Gravity. Directed by Alfonso Cuarón (Children of Men) and starring Kentucky's own George Clooney and that lady from Demolition Man, Gravity is already raking in the critical acclaim. And with its "Space Oddity"/Apollo 13 schtick, it seems likely that it will also shovel up a significant amount of cash when it premiers on Friday.  But Gravity isn't the only movie getting a wide release this weekend. The much-less-anticipated Justin Timberlake/Ben Affleck vehicle Runner Runner also premiers Friday. Unlike Gravity, however, and despite the fact that it features the talents of an Oscar-winning caped crusader and a former Mouseketeer (both members of the vaunted SNL five-timers club, mind you), Runner Runner has so far received -- er -- mixed reviews. For example, Todd McCarthy of the Hollywood Reporter calls it "an uncompelling, sketchy telling of an intriguing crime story," while Xan Brooks of The Guardian says that it is a "lazy, trashy film" that "wallows endlessly by the swimming pool and then gives a perfunctory frown of pious disapproval." I have no idea what that means, but I'm pretty sure he's trying to say that it stinks. But can Runner Runner really be that bad? I mean, how could anything directed by a cool dude with a sideways hat be that horrible? [caption id="attachment_142099" align="alignnone" width="214"] Actual director Brad Furman[/caption] Let's take a look at the trailer together and see what we think. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFPqyNvNzvU 0:09: See, now, I'm already starting to think the critics are underselling this film. It obviously respects its audience enough to animate some ambiguously mathy-looking drawings so we know what kind of "real gift" our hero has. 0:23: Wait, is that Screech? 0:20: I don't play internet poker, so I have to ask: do all online gambling sites have graphics that look exactly like the video poker machines in that laundromat next to Bearno's that I used to go to all of the time? 0:39: "I was cheated." Now you finally know how Joey Fat-one feels, JT. 0:47: Ok, that is definitely Screech. And with that realization, I am sold. How could any movie featuring Screech only score 23% on Rotten Tomatoes? Did A.C. Slater ghost-write thirty terrible reviews so the movie's aggregate score would be so low that Screech would have to come back to the Bayside quiz bowl team or something? 0:58: "The house always wins." You have to rewind this part to really grasp its glory. I must have rewatched it thirty times in a row, and the douchery on display is boggling. Also, it unwisely both evokes and fails to live up the greatest gambling-related one-liner in movie history. Some of the Screech sheen is beginning to wear off already. 1:03: Do you ever watch old science fiction movies and laugh at how bad the "futuristic" computers look? Is it a bad sign that I'm doing the same for this movie set in contemporary times?  1:35: "What are you talking about???" What are you acting about, JT? WHAT ARE YOU ACTING ABOUT??? 1:41: These teaser phrases over the rotating title header are making me a little dizzy. 1:49: Seriously, you guys. Please don't do that again. 1:53: Oh come on, I asked nicely. 1:55: Wait . . . Batfleck's name in this movie is Ivan?? Let that sink in for a minute . . . Yep, dude looks exactly like an Ivan. 2:06: No, I don't need you to do it again. Once was enough, thanks. 2:10: Block. Ivan Block. Might as well have gone with Max Power. 2:24: CROCNADO!!!!!   Well, aside from the croc attack and Screech's involvement (and I don't care what you say, that was totally Screech), I'm going to have to say that Runner Runner looks just as crappy as all of the critics say it is. Looks like it will be Gravity for me this weekend after all. What about you? Am I being too hard on this trailer? Are you excited about Gravity? Or, are you lucky enough that the crazy-as-heck Metallica movie is showing in your neighborhood? Let me know in the comments or @JDHoller.