Singing Off: Movie Night, Dramatic Performances and Disappointing Exits

Wednesday’s Sing-Off was another two-hourer, which are tough and long to cover. I like the hour-longers way, way more, but drinking helps one get through recapping the longer installments. As our episode opens, the all-group unison number opens with “I’ve Had the Time of My Life,” or, as true sticklers for musical punctuation correctly call it, “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life.” Consequently, nobody calls it simply “My Life,” because that’s a Billy Joel song. This number is our harbinger of things to come: it’s Movie Night at The Sing-Off. Host Nick Lachey explains that tonight will be filled with music from motion pictures, and Lachey explains that tonight “no one is safe,” which in any other contest than an a capella singing competition might sound like a threat. The judges are introduced and everything begins proper. Jewel will be tonight’s Pop-In Fairy, and she’s first off to visit the groups with a story about how she was homeless at eighteen, shoplifting, and going down a very bad road. Somehow this is meant to lead into the idea that each group needs to pick a song made famous by a movie, because of course those two topics of Jewel’s speech have everything to do with one another, or not at all to do with one another. Also, two teams will be going home. Home Free opens the proceedings, and they’ve chosen a song perfect for a group of gravely country-singing men: “Pretty Woman.” They explain that they want to do something to make people “enjoy it in a way they aren’t expecting,” which for me would be simply to “make me enjoy it at all.” Jewel says that the song needs to “haunt us,” which I’m not sure what Roy Orbison had in mind when he wrote it, but I’m no Jewel. Their performance is odd and loung-singery, which so far is neither haunting me or making me enjoy it in a way I wasn’t expecting. It’s really, really corny. Like, really corny. Now’s a good time, however, to note that Jewel looks absolutely lovely tonight. She is a pretty woman, and I’m enjoying looking at her in ways I wasn’t expecting. Vocal Rush is up to taking on Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds,” which is a great song, but an odd song for a bunch of teenagers to sing, since people in their thirties have practically forgotten that song themselves. I’ll admit it’s very somber and pretty, which is pretty mature for a group who heretofore has come off as a slightly-better-than-average episode of Kids Incorporated. Best they’ve done so far, and I’m not a huge Vocal Rush fan. Our home team the acoUstiKats are next to go, and they’ll be taking on “Old Time Rock and Roll,” from Risky Business. It would seem that I have a rival for Jewel’s affections in the acoUstiKats’ Jeremy Michael Lewis, which puts me at a tremendous disadvantage because he has actual human interactions with her. Their performance is a great mix of a 1950’s style sock hop performance, a country-tinged hat-tipper, a gospel church choir and ends, fittingly, with three of the members pantsless in Tom Cruise, Risky Business style. Lots of fun and, musically, clever and top-notch. Filipino Backstreet Boys Filharmonic are next, taking on Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” from Armageddon. It’s worth pointing out that there are literally a million songs from a million movies over the last eighty years, and it gets kind of disappointing that this line-up of songs is pretty much exactly the same lineup you might get out of any Movie Night on any singing show. Would it kill someone to do “Little Green Bag” from Reservoir Dogs? Filharmonic member Joe starts openly weeping, which is a.) an odd reaction to have on national television, and b.) an odd reaction to have to a song made famous by Aerosmith in the movie Armageddon. Maybe Joe lost his fiancé in an asteroid distaster aversion and the song really hits home for him. Voice Play, from Universal Studios, is the next group on the schedule, and group member and pseudonym-sporter Honey Larochelle is very emotional to be singing “Don’t You Forget About Me” from The Breakfast Club, which is a weird song to be emotional about. Still, they’re dressed as exaggerated versions of the characters from The Breakfast Club, only there’s too many of them so two of them have to be Anthony Michael Hall and one of the guys has to be Ally Sheedy. The judges are pleased. I can’t wait to see their next performance, which I hope is an a capella verson of a song from John Hughes’ other masterpiece, Uncle Buck. Ten is next, the group of folks from Dallas who, we are led to believe, never even performed together before last week. They’re singing Skyfall, which is a phenomenal song, and they act like they’re taking a risk but they’re not. Singing “Goldfinger” or “Live and Let Die” would be a risk. Not an Oscar-winning number from a vocally intricate smash hit. Actually, I’d pay to hear an a capella group do “Live and Let Die.” It’s an okay performance, but there’s too many drums (read: human beatboxing drums) in it for my tastes. Might have been better a little solemn, but, oh, look at me. I watch two weeks of a capella singing and all of a sudden I’m Shawn Stockman Junior. Nick Lachey comments that they should “forget James Bond” because they are a “Lethal Weapon.” Unfortunately, Ten could not perform any music from Lethal Weapon because no one wants to hear two and a half minutes of ten people making David Sanborn saxophone noises. Back after the break, Lachey informs us that every group will be facing off against each other in “Ultimate Sing-Offs” with two teams ultimately going home. Our acoUstiKats will be taking on Voice Play with Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger,” and the sing-off is entertaining. These sing-offs are very histrionic, all of them, and I’m guessing the reason they’ve added three of them tonight is because of the entertainment value they do provide. They are fun, if slightly ridiculous. Both teams look like they’re having fun and Shawn Stockman says it’s a mix between Looney Tunes and Monty Python, which — although it was comical — leads me to believe Shawn Stockman has never seen Looney Tunes or Monty Python. The next sing-off song pits Vocal Rush against Ten, who decide to work up an act together so the entire performance is less than a battle than a collaboration. The song is Irene Cara’s “Fame,” and everyone sounds pretty good. It’s pretty much what you’d expect. So far none of these teams appear to be tanking, although I’m not sure what tanking would look like on this show. Not beatboxing? Clashing colored dresses? The third sing-off is to the tune of “I’m Alright” from Caddyshack, one of my all-time personal faves. It’s the Filipinos versus the Minnesotans. (Yes, that age-old rivalry). This is the best sing-off, because of an a capella “DJ” battle at the end, which is great fun. This is the best, most original performance so far on the entire show, maybe in the show’s four seasons, period. I linked it at the top. It’s super-great. Then Nick Lachey ruins it with a lot of golf puns. Oh, Nick Lachey. In the end, two teams are going home, and those two teams are The acoUstiKats and Voice Play. Our UK boys had a great run and it’s always great to see Kentucky folk do good, but with the exit of our UK boys so ends the Sing-Off recaps. Godspeed, acoUstiKats, it was fun, and it was an exhausting week and a half of recaps, but in the end I think we all learned something about ourselves and are better people for it. Well done, fellas. We’re all proud of you and you’re destined for great things. For now, I have to tap out. Describing a capella singing is just exhausting, even if I did — in the words of Home Free — enjoy it in ways I wasn’t expecting. Seacrest out. That's this show, right? No? Sorry.