The Rundown: University of Portland

Happy Black Friday, friends. Did you get that moustache trimmer for your Dad that you had your eye upon? I hope so, and I hope you got it at a great discount. If you're looking for gift ideas for me, you should know I wear a 16 1/2 neck in shirts, collect high-end faberge eggs and have a particular fondness for Night Train. But enough about me. Let's talk about the University of Portland. As you all well know, the Pilots will be the next to drop into Rupp Arena in hopes of upsetting our mighty Wildcats tomorrow. But indeed, Portland's definitely a newish face on our traditional pre-conference schedule, so what's that all about? Let's find out a little about these mysterious foes in a Friday edition of The Rundown: University of Portland, shall we? Of course we shall. -------- Who They Are They are the Portland Pilots, named correlative to riverboat pilots due to the nautical location of the University of Portland overlooking the Willamette River. Their mascot is this guy: His name is Wally Pilot, and he obviously spends a lot of time working out his upper body; not so much time working out his lower body. He also has a vague "1970's male prostitute" vibe to him, which I'm assuming is unintentional. Also, if you're interested, you can see for yourself that he is a terrible mechanical bull rider by clicking this link. But that's neither here nor there. ---------- Who Goes to the University of Portland A recent study proved that 76% of the student body at the University of Portland were mistakenly under the impression that they were just attending a particularly long outdoor music festival. While Portland is universally known for its "slacker" population, attending the University of Portland qualifies students to accomplish much more with a U of P degree and offers acclaimed degrees in fields including (but not limited to) hemp clothing, hackeysack, Veganism, moped operation, acerbic t-shirt design, occupying things, squatter theory, condescension, cardigans, boutique management, Belle, Sebastien, adequate Bukowski, microbreweries and apathy. ---------- The Campus The University of Portland is widely hailed as a beautiful campus, located near the Willamette River, and its many facilities are known for their aesthetics as well. Some of the more well-known buildings on campus include Franz Hall, the Buckley Center, the Courtney Love Aquatics Complex and Everclear Hall. Its many attributes are listed in the school's fight song "University of Portland Victory March 1984," which you can listen to by clicking here. The lyrics are as follows: Oh University of Portland, Oh University of Portland, From Bauccio Commons to Shipstad Hall, We have a couch you can crash on, Ride with us to Burning Man, I don't care if you judge me, Dad, I don't want to be an electrician like you, I just want to be free, with my art, and you can't change who I am. [caption id="attachment_100041" align="alignnone" width="150" caption="The Sleater-Kinney Center for Biometric Studies"][/caption] ----------- Athletics You may be surprised, or not surprised, to discover that men's basketball is perhaps not why the University of Portland is most famous. In fact, the UP women's soccer team won the NCAA Division I National Championship in both 2002 and 2005, and that the men's cross country team has won an impressive 31 West Coast Conference championships. They do not have a football team, but do have an ironic Tecmobowl league on campus. Also, many of the students who attend UP athletic events do so sarcastically. ------------ What We Should Know About the Basketball Team The Pilots, known as a perennial middle of the pack bunch of ham-and-eggers from the West Coast Conference, may actually prove to be a bit of a stumbling block to overcome tomorrow night. They're coming off their second twenty-win season in a row under head coach Eric Reveno, who has turned the team into a bit of a stronger contender in the last five years. Against the cats, he'll likely rely on center Thomas Van Der Mars, guard Nemanja Mitrovic, and freshman Kevin Bailey, who has a very average-sounding name and a lot of work to do if he wants to be considered on the same plane as the previous two extravagantly-named fellows. Also, Portland is only expected to land in the middle of the WCC pack this season. They may not be Gonzaga or BYU, but they're certainly better than the puka-shell-necklace-wearing Pepperdine Waves, who are too busy learning the chords to Jack Johnson songs to learn how to shoot from the perimeter. That said, the Pilots may give us a little run but we should take them down. Welcome them with open arms on Saturday, friends.