The Super Bowl X-Factor

“Hey Coach! Check out my new hair cut!”

“Well, this is awkward now…”

 

Wake up BBN! The Super Bowl doesn’t care how hungover you are. There are snacks to make, beer runs to complete, phone calls to bookies to be made**, and Kristen Geil and I of KSRCollege.com fame will be here all day to entertain you throughout all of it. With that being said, let me preview tonight’s epic gridiron match up by giving you my XLVI-Factor for the game.

**KSR does not condone illegal sports betting, but I personally don’t mind. I won’t tell.

The New York Football Giants and the New England Patriots will take the field later on tonight for Super Bowl XLVI (That means 46) in a game with plenty of intrigue. Everyone remembers the last time the two teams met in the playoffs, Super Bowl XLII (42). In that campaign, the Patriots were in the midst of trying to complete the first 19-0 season in NFL history, while the Giants, who had snuck in the backdoor of the playoffs, were attempting to become the 5^th wild card team, and first NFC wild card team, in history to win the Vince Lombardi Trophy. In a hard fought, back and forth affair the Giants would go on to complete one of the greatest upsets in Super Bowl history by defeating the 18-0 Patriots 17-14 on an Eli Manning touchdown pass to Plaxico Burress with :35 seconds left. Eli finished 19 of 34 for 255 yards and 2 TD’s, both of which coming in the 4th quarter, on his way to driving off in a  brand new whip as Super Bowl MVP.

Over the course of the past 2 weeks, analysts have broken down almost every statistic, play, injury, bathroom break, pre-game meal and halftime speech both of these teams have accumulated in the past 4 seasons leading up to this rematch of epic proportions. However, while Chris Berman, Mike Ditka and the gang may believe that studying pass rushes and Tom Brady’s throwing mechanics may be the best way to properly predict the outcome of the game, I see things more simplistic and practical, and from that analysis the only logical conclusion I can draw is that the New England Patriots will win Super Bowl XLVI, and here’s why:

Yes, Jared Lorenzen is the Super Bowl’s XLVI-Factor. The 6’4, 315lb backup QB for the 2007 New York Giants, and the Starting QB for the University of Kentucky from 2000-03. Due to his rather enormous girth, there are many nicknames for the prolific former Wildcat, “J-Load”, “The Round Mound of Touchdown”, and my personal favorite “The Pillsbury Throw Boy”. However, no more important of a nickname was bestowed on Jared than “Backup QB” during the 2007 season.

While many fans only recognize statistics such as TD passes and passing yardage, those of us who understand sports know that the true measures of an athlete lie in intangibles that Ken Pomeroy has yet to develop a statistical formula for. Lorenzen’s career stats are modest at best with 58 career passing yards and 0 TD’s, but his presence on the sideline was demonstrative, even when he was not involved in the game in any way, shape, form, or fashion. If any of you were paying attention to the 5,067,672 separate highlights of Super Bowl XLII on every channel modern technology can provide, you should have noticed that in every huddle on the sidelines, there was Lorenzen, in between Head Coach Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning photo-bombing millions of dollars’ worth of face time and formulating strategies to attack the Patriot’s defense (in fact, at one point, I’m pretty sure Coughlin used the stretch marks on Jared’s stomach to diagram blocking schemes). Although, I myself wasn’t personally in the discussion, I can only assume that Jared’s brilliant words of football wisdom played a major role in Eli Manning’s heroic 4th quarter performance.

But as we all know, football is just as much about beef as it is about brains, which is where #13’s true value to the team was provided. Weighing in at 315lbs, only 3lbs less than the average weight of an NFL Offensive Tackle, Lorenzen was no doubt an intimidating force to be dealt with. In the game, the Patriots only sacked QB Eli Manning 3 times, a number which surely would have been infinitely higher had the Pats not been afraid to injure Manning, which would have brought the much rounder and beefier Lorenzen into the game, leaving them vulnerable to getting bulldozed. With that in mind, instead of rushing the QB, the Patriots game-planned to merely scare the younger Manning brother with a variety of primal noises and psychological warfare. Without all the pressure of a physical pass rush, Manning was able to elude the feeble New England defenders and lead two go-ahead scoring drives in the 4th quarter. Another point for “The Hefty Lefty”.

Overall, the game this evening may seem practically even given the two teams’ current momentum. But without the former Highlands football star on the roster for the Giants, it seems inevitable that the Patriots defense will be chomping at the bit to annihilate Eli Manning knowing that the physical and mental prowess of the one and only Jared Raymond Lorenzen isn’t lurking in the shadows, patiently waiting for his opportunity at Super Bowl glory.  Looking beyond game films and statistics, but rather into the psyche of an NFL players’ mind, you will come to find that the Giants’ cut of Lorenzen in June of 2008 is still lingering in the minds of both teams, and will be the true driving force in what I anticipate to be a New England Patriots victory, 23-14.

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