The (Un)Official World Cup 2014 Music Guide

Bom dia queridos leitores!  It’s Samba K (the blogger previously known as Kalan Kucera) and I have to tell you, I have a terrible case of World Cup fever.  You know, the big fútbol soccer tournament no one will stop talking about?  Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a Spurs fan that makes me really enjoy watching crisp, on-target ball movement and the complicated tactical machinery of the beautiful game but, whatever it is, I can’t get enough.  Even aside from our boys amazing run so far (1. Couldn’t we have held the back line for 20 more seconds!!!!) (2. #USA #VonTrapps #IBelieveThatWeWillWin) I’ve watched almost every game at this Cup and it has been incredible viewing for the most part.  Some games–looking at you RUS-BEL and you JPN-GRE–were slow, but the majority of them have been edge-of-your-seat amazing.

There’s a lot to read about the amazing games happening at this Cup, but what about the soundtrack to the Cup?  Did you know that there is an official FIFA soundtrack to every World Cup since, at least, 1962?  I hadn’t either, but with the tournament in Brazil this year, you just knew there had to be some sort of musical accompaniment.  I say this because when I think about Brazil, I think about samba, beaches in Rio, beautiful women, brutal police crackdowns in the favelas, Carnival, and catfish that swim up your p-hole.  These are the things I know about Brazil.

True to form, FIFA (a non-profit with a cool $1,000,000,000 nest egg) has released an album to go along with the tournament, trying to give it a dancey/Brazilian feel.  Included on this album, there are two “official anthems”, one “official song”, and another “official mascot song.”  I thought that, maybe, we could explore these four together!

Let’s start with the anthems.  There are two official ones, and an official Coca Cola anthem because… of course there is an anthem to sing while drinking your sugary beverage (bring a napkin).  The two FIFA tunes are “Dar Um Jeito (We Will Find a Way)” by Carlos Santana, Wyclef, Avicii, and Alexandre Pires and “La La La (Brasil 2014)” by Shakira feat. Carlinhos Brown.  Let’s take a listen:

https://play.spotify.com/user/kalankucera/playlist/7zDBVTvFdEDEKJlmUTEgX1

I suppose Dar Um Jeito is on the lighter side of the “that’s total crap scale” if just because of some sweet Santana riffing in between the way too conventional, not nearly samba enough dance beat.  It is certainly anthem-y, I think it’s supposed to be jump-up-an-down dancy, but I didn’t even find myself bobbing my head to it.

This must be why they followed it up with anthem/club tune La La La, in which Shakira literally dares the players to try harder because “isn’t it true that you want it?  Then act like you need it.”  Much like other Shakira World Cup anthems, this has to be the lowest common denominator of pop-dance tracks, right?  She has three lines of lyrics which she repeats in between going LA LA LA in her sexiest Shakira voice.  There’s not even a drop, no deep dub bass.  FIFA, I know you’re made up of old men, but get with the times!  Your anthems are so 2009!

The Coke Anthem is called “The World is Ours” and is by Aloe Blacc X David Correy.  I’m not even going to put it on the page, but I’ll link to it here because, BAAAARRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. I sincerely couldn’t even make it all the way through that two and a half minute song  a single time, and I tried people.  This song, alone, almost makes me want to switch to Pepsi, especially since their song seems to be a STOMP version of David Bowie.  Thank god for Dr. Pepper.

Which is a great segue to the Official Song of the World Cup, “We Are One (Ole Ola)” brought to you by Dr. Pepper Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez.  Maybe its that the last three songs were terrible, or that I’ve been brainwashed by the stupid, continuous NBA playoff version of “Timber”.  Either way, this song is almost completely inoffensive (that’s probably by design).  It seems to me–a complete Pitbull novice–par for the course with Pitbull.  Except for the question, why did FIFA think “PITBULL!” when they thought of the World Cup?  No idea.  It’s got good rhythm, lots of bilingual bits, and the requisite ole-ing.  This is the Wendy’s burger of songs, not great, not bad, just there (and probably a reheated, recycled bit from other songs).

Honestly, and this is not saying an awful lot, but the best song on the entire official FIFA album might be the mascot’s anthem “Tatu Bom de Bola” by Arlindo Cruz.  This is more along the lines of what I am thinking of when I think of Brazilian music.  This is saucy and the singing isn’t over the top, it’s all in Portuguese so I can just jive along with it instead of worrying about the stupid things they’re saying.  If this is the official song for the mascots, then lucky them!  They’re doing way better than the fans or the players in this particular regard!

Let’s be honest though, if that’s the best that the official World Cup soundtrack has to offer, we’re going to have to elsewhere.  There has to be better Brazilian music out there.  Fortunately for us, there are options.  I count three:

1.  You don’t know what soccer is, but you hate it.  You don’t care about the World Cup, and until Toby Keith releases a dance tape that ain’t your thing.  But you do like scantily clad WAGS (Wives and Girlfriends of Soccer Players) bouncing around to a song that you don’t care about because you’re going to watch it muted anyway.  Check.  (Also, NSFW guy.  C’mon.) (PSS. The music in this video is unbearably bad)

2.  You seriously love samba, you love the feel of this World Cup, you love gettin’ jiggy wit it.  You want more real Brazilian music.  Well the good folks over at The Star Online put together a list of these albums that you will very much enjoy (trust me).  I think this CD is especially solid.

3.  You love the World Cup, you love Samba, you love, more than either, Maradona.  Diego Maradona was an Argentinian footballer and was the greatest ever to play the sport (sorry Beckenbauer, Cruyff, and Pele).  He’s not playing, or coaching at this World Cup, though he is apparently jinxing the Argentinian team.  I could write a whole article on Maradona, his hijinxes, his quotables and what not, but I’ll spare you at the moment.  Look them up though, you won’t regret it.  Either way, whilst looking for World Cup 2014 songs I stumbled upon this spectacular Maradona themed anthem from the excellent Manu Chao.  This is good music.  Check out Maradona watching Manu Chao sing about him…

F**king excellent.

This is a succinct collection of the music of World Cup 2014.  Hope you enjoyed it, and stay tuned for more from Samba K (@KalanKucera).

PS.  I know there is a lot of media in this piece, but if it’s not quite patriotic enough for you, check out the official anthem for the 1994 World Cup held in the good ole’ US of A and shed a fat tear for the freedoms you and I enjoy, “Gloryland” (couldn’t find the Gloryland (Emotion Mix), sorry).