Zoology for KSR Readers: The Cardinal

‘Twas the morning after Christmas, and all through the state, Cats fans were stirring, ready to unleash Louisville hate. I hope your Christmas was filled with peace, love, and several other qualities that won’t be found in Rupp Arena on New Year’s Eve. Now that the gifts have been unwrapped and family members hugged, it’s time to get down to business. Seeing as both Lamar and Louisville claim the redbird as their teams’ nicknames, I thought we would kick off a week sure to be filled with all kinds of anti-Cardinal merriment with a little info session about Kentucky’s state bird.

“The cardinal, or cardinalidae, a family of birds found in North and South America, is so well-loved that it has been named the state bird of no fewer than seven states.”

Those seven states, of course, include Kentucky, where the Cardinal was crowned top bird after a 1956 decision by the Supreme Court of Kentucky in the historic Bernard Hickman v. Commonwealth of Kentucky case, which declared the Wildcat’s status as state bird “unconstitutional and utterly absurd…point blank, period” in a 4-3 decision. Several state attorneys are piecing together an attempt to overturn this decision on the strength of new evidence that Kidd-Gilchrist can, indeed, fly.

“Cardinal birds generally tend to gather in big flocks of around 70 to 100 birds.”

“Flocks,” of course, refers to the tendency of U of L fans and players to organize themselves into groups called “gangs,” whose activities provide the number one source of recreation for the city’s youth.

“Noted for chirping complex melodies, cardinals have about two dozen songs.”

Most of these are tracks from various Chamillionaire albums, with a few other numbers thrown in, including the always popular “Yo, ref, dat was a charge” and “Not guilty, your honor,” both of which freshmen Cards learn during the season’s first practice.

“The cardinal is non-migratory.”

Obviously. The farthest Pitino’s team has traveled this season is a few miles north to Indianapolis to face a rebuilding Butler program. Unfortunately for U of L, they’ll have to come down from the nest to play the Cats, and Rupp will seem much farther from home than the 65 miles separating it from the Yum! Center (I still can’t take the name seriously).

“Mate feeding occurs when the male cardinal picks up a seed, hops near the female and the two touch beaks so the female can take the food. Mate feeding will go on until the female lays eggs.”

Well…this puts a disturbing new twist on an old joke. We finally know exactly what went down at Porcini’s.

“Cardinals have a lifespan of up to 15 years.”

This makes sense, as Louisville players last up to 15 minutes in total playing time before getting injured.

And in case you wondered why so many Cards end up on crutches:

“Males can be aggressive when defending their territory, which often causes them to fly into glass windows while attempting to fight their own reflections.”

If Jurich had done his research, maybe he wouldn’t have allowed so many windows in the plans for the new arena. Talk about a health hazard.

I hope you feel enlightened by your new-found knowledge concerning the cardinal. After all, they say it’s important to know your enemy. Like a bird who just lost a fight with a sliding glass door, the Cards won’t know what hit them come Saturday.

As always, go Cats.