CaneSport Message Board Mania: Are the Hurricanes Growing Up? Fans Weigh In on Miami’s Progress and Concerns

Sometimes being a Miami Hurricanes fan can resemble, in some respects, a marriage. You love them, but it sure can be a confusing ride. Or maybe a better analogy is to our children – oftentimes the Canes make us proud, but they also perhaps do things we don’t always agree with, perhaps things we say out loud they shouldn’t do. And sometimes they even make us throw our shoe at the TV. I’m not talking about anyone in particular, and certainly not Gary Ferman.

Which brings us to today’s Message Board Mania feature. Based on the above you probably correctly ascertained it’s about marriage advice and how to best support our children. That is, if they are personified as this year’s Miami Hurricanes team.

So let’s get right to it, with the thread started by my favorite fake-named poster KJMahan, titled “The Miami Hurricanes And My Marriage With Children.” Okay, fine, that wasn’t the title of the thread. Mahan the Maniac went with the crazy title “My observations.”

And here’s what Mr. Maniac came up with as Miami now has two games in the rearview mirror:

Things he writes that his offspring did well …

• Beck was sharp
• Transfer DB’s Scott & Thomas better than advertised
• Malachi’s football IQ is off the charts
• The whole D-Tackle room. DLew doing his thing
• Both freshmen TE’s
• Fitzgerald & Pringle welcome to college football
• Toure getting pressure every time they sent on a blitz
• No wasted time outs
• No injuries
• Turnover margin +2

Things he wants them to improve:

• Uninspired
• Our D lacked physicality and did not tackle well
• Too much loafing from the OL. Stood up blocks instead of moving people
• Too much off coverage on the backend
• Some undisciplined plays
• WR’s not blocking on the perimeter well
• Emory has fire but still not an average passer
• Lost the time of possession battle
• Gave up 14 first downs even though BC passed for only 99 total yards

Things he’s looking forward to as they grow into adulthood:

• A team to challenge us deep so we can see what Poyser is made of
• A few guys yet to break out – Moore, Lofton, Lowe
• Other receivers stepping up as teams start to bracket Malachi and roll safeties over CJ

Like any good father, he didn’t let them feel good about themselves, either: “Overall disappointed in the team’s energy and discipline,” he writes. “We left 20+ plays on the field. A lot to learn from. Need team leaders to jump on some cats this week. Would be good to hear of some spirited practices in the lead up to S. Florida.”

As you can imagine, the responses to all the above was complete outrage. What makes him father of the year? Does he have a ton of kids or something? Who does he think he is, Elon Musk?

Oops, it does indeed turn out he is Elon Musk. Or could be. We only know one thing for sure: KJMahan is certainly not his real name, no way anyone does that with all the crazies on the CaneSport boards.

Okay, the responses weren’t all that outraged. People apparently wanted to agree with him, perhaps because they nkow Elon Musk can get you fired pretty quickly.

Those bending to Musk’s will included Jlobo1963: “I kind of felt the same way about the energy level, discipline and emotional output,” the sycophant writes. “But then I reflected that it was a short week, and an expected lull after such a big game (Notre Dame).”

hawaiiancane: “Leading up to the game, I 1st believed we were going to score close to 60+. After the 2nd TD it seemed the emphasis was on ball control; using the clock effectively by running the ball. Thats what we didn’t do last season. We relied on Cam Ward’s heroics. Cam did not take what the defense gave us. Beck is spreading the ball around, maybe better than Cam. I think the coaches felt this game would give the reserves much needed playing time. So with the 1st unit running the ball it shortened the game. It gave Emory an opportunity to follow the same blueprint.”

We will give the final word to someone who doesn’t care about getting fired by Musk. That’s Ookie4prez, and it’s probably because as his username states he plans on being President.

“Playing against lackluster opponent half empty stadium compared to 60k plus. What do you expect?” he writes. “I watch bama play La Monroe and even though it was not a great team they brought the energy because their fans brought the energy. Our fans don’t understand how much these kids feed off that and helps them in games.”