What’s Up, Miami Hurricanes Fans … Are U?

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IN THE BEGINNING, CANESPORT CREATED A NEWSLETTER

Let’s start your day off by stating this clearly – and you should probably say it out loud since you just woke up – our Good Morning CaneSport front page story daily item has been retired. We know you loved the businesslike aspect and reassuring ragidity of those stories that gave you a preview of what was coming that day for the Canes, with a glance backward at what happened the day prior. But let’s face it, every day is pretty much the same at this point, right? Wake up, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, read CaneSport’s front page stories, eat lunch, go on the CaneSport message boards, eat dinner and go to bed. So we’re shaking it up. And if you hate this format … well, I’m not going to change it. Unless Gary tells me to.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE THE HURRICANES

It always astounds me how astute all the Tuesday night CaneSport Live callers are, although some appear to be under the influence of Sugar Cane. Yes, that is a real weed strain for you aficianados out there. I’m talking to you Greg. And no it’s not shaped like a U, although with some creativity maybe you can get it there. Do you want to share your great takes on the Miami Hurricanes while on a different etherial plane? If so then we very strongly recommend you sign up for a CaneSport subscription today. Not only will it make you more knowledgeable about the team, thereby allowing you to partake in the show and perhaps other things, it also will make you a better all-around better person. And if you have no interest in being a better person, then maybe this will tip the scales in the favor of a CaneSport sub – we have it on good authority that Miami fans are given discounts on Sugar Cane. Oh, and Greg, you know we love you. Well, at least Gary does. Feel free to check out last night’s CaneSport Live Show … and stay tuned for The Lamar Thomas Show at 8 p.m. tonight as well.

HEADLINES OF THE DAY

Yesterday we found out the Miami game plan for USF by talking to various Miami players … you can read all about that on the front page including what QB Carson Beck was saying about how many yards and TDs he will be throwing this weekend. We also expect a lot of trashing USF publicly from Miami players during today’s availability, so stay tuned for that. Speaking of USF, we have your preview from the Bulls perspective this morning, including how all their players expect to lose the game badly and how they are talentless and aren’t even sure why they are showing up at Hard Rock Stadium to play the game.

Oh, and there’s also something apparently referred to as “recruiting” that Miami still does even though today you can just fill up your roster with transfers. Some guys named “Stephen” and “Luke,” who I’m not sure are even real people and are more likely AI bots, are writing stories for you about that. The “Luke” bot also had a story breaking down the Canes in the NFL with stats and highlights. And you also can see the newly released Miami Hurricanes basketball schedule on the site.

TODAY’S DIVINE SIGN A MIAMI CHAMPIONSHIP IS UPON US

Usually when I’m looking for a divine sign, it’s something out of the ordinary. Sure, I could drip animal blood onto a piece of wood or drop dirt and see if forms the shape of a U. But last night there really was something very out of the ordinary that I think has real hidden meaning – I shared a dish at a restaurant. Now, to be clear, I NEVER do that. Just like Miami has NEVER won an ACC title. So, logically, since I broke the never sharing streak, now the never-winning ACC curse is lifted. By the way, I hated sharing that chicken dish and will never share again. I mean, you feel bad if you take too much but also don’t want to ask the other person if you can take this or that because you are very hungry and they might say no. Plus the chicken at Koko in the Grove is really, really good. Just like the Canes this year.

AND NOW … A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSORS

Today’s sponsor is … drum roll please … Koko’s in the Grove! Yes, we already mentioned them, and they have earned this coveted spot as our Sept. 10 sponsor. Because not only do they serve a $29 chicken dish that is big enough to share for cheap people like myself, but they even have bugs on the menu. And yes I was with someone who ordered the $4 grasshoppers, which came on a tostada and looked like little specks of dirt. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was dirt. Anyway, they said it was bitter and not good and then offered me some. I mean, when someone says that are you supposed to try it? I did. Not. And, for the record, the strangest thing I’ve ever eaten is jellyfish (a long time ago), which as you would expect tasted like absolutely nothing. Zero taste. A bit blobby. Anyway, back to today’s sponsor! How smart are they to also have ants and other bugs on the Los Insectos menu? Because when they get inspected (perhaps a better phrase would be insected?) by the City of Miami they can’t get written up for a code violation – it’s just live product they will be cooking later on. So go to Koko’s for some great Mexican insectos and support one of the few restaurants that doubles as a food source and also a pest control service.

MATT’S CANESPORT MESSAGE BOARD VICTIM OF THE DAY

My candidate for not just today’s MCMBVOTD but also the coveted Victim Of The Year Award goes to texascanes. Yes, it’s unclear if he roots for Texas or Miami from his username, and a source told us he considers himself a Hurricane fan from Texas, but that sounds highly suspicious. So what makes him our VOTY candidate? It started with his post inside a thread started by someone else with the innocuous header “Florida set as a Night Game.” So is he up for the award because he’s ultra-excited to see Miami beat up on a hapless Florida program that looked pretty bad in a loss to USF? Does he have big tailgating plans with some buddies from Texas? Well, here’s what he posted: “LFG! my baby boy is due this friday ! so i can’t wait for gator game next week!” First off, congrats. But second off, this post is somewhat problematic, and we’re not just talking about the random exclamation point in the middle of a sentence. It’s unclear what the baby boy ! has to do with the game. We assume he won’t be sneaking the baby into the game or ! buying the baby a seat. Does he somehow think he will be getting sleep ! with a newborn to the point that he can actually stay awake for the game on Saturday night? Is he excited to leave home and get away from the crying infant? We also would like to know ! if he’s more excited about the baby or the game. It’s just hard to tell from his post. Maybe it’s a Texas thing. So many questions… just like those we hope to get answered by Miami on Saturday against No. 18 USF.

BROCKERMEYER IS NOT A FOUR LETTER WORD, BUT IT IS A FOUR SYLLABLE ONE

Miami was nice enough to sick center James Brockermeyer on the media yesterday, and he spent a lot of time explaining how, because his last name is four syllables, that his parents gave him an easy-to-pronounce first name. It was, it goes without saying, fascinating. Oh, and he also said Miami’s doing well and USF will be a challenge, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here’s your obligatory “worst best quote” from JB: “Blah, blah, blah.” Okay, fine, here it really is. Brockermeyer tried to be nice, since he – like !texascanes! is from a state that has a few nice folks, saying “The past three years they’ve had a good defense all those years, have a lot of good players and their defensive coordinator puts their players in good position to make plays. It’s going to be a big challenge or us.” While we appreciate the hype worthy of a four syllable dude, for the record the USF defense actually has been awful – ranking No. 115 and No. 118 in total defense the last two seasons, and 93rd this year). So there’s that. Oh, and James added that “They put pressure on the quarterback, fit the run, play good defense. They are very disciplined and very well coached.” Scary stuff, Miami. Makes me want some Sugar Cane to take the edge off.

DISCLAIMER: All names in this story have been changed to protect privacy, and most of what you just read was completely made up but some of it could have a basis in real or historical fiction

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