What’s Up, Miami Hurricanes Fans … Are U?

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IN THE BEGINNING, CANESPORT CREATED A NEWSLETTER

Okay, so I only do this on very special occasions. And Miami vs. Florida week is, of course, one of those. So I’ve gone into the Matt Shodell Hoarding Disorder Archives (MSHDA). Yes, I keep notes on every single recruit dating back to when I started with CaneSport in 2001. Detailed notes. Like, really detailed notes. Like, if a therapist ever saw these I’d probably not be free to roam the streets. And in honor of facing the Gators I’m now publishing my actual MSHDA notes on Tim Tebow from back in my Class of 2006 recruiting file. The only thing I’ve changed is the last 4 digits of an abnormally large number of phone numbers the family kept. I mean, who had two house numbers even back in 2005? Tim Tebow, that’s who. One for each hand.

QB Tim Tebow, 6-3, 225, Ponte Vedra Beach Nease – dad’s cell # is 904-509-XXXX; House# 904-266-XXXX; Other house # is 904-266-XXXX; Cell # is 904-708-XXXX (don’t give to anywhere else)
Coach Craig Howard — 904-476-XXXX (cell)
DAD’S NAME IS BOB
2/8: did update. UM among several favs
5/4: UM not in top 4
5/27: did update. Dad says canes are very much in it. no early decision here

Now, with the above in mind, Tebow committed to Florida on Dec. 13, 2005. And I remember that date particularly well because all the Gator fans I know cried actual crocodile tears that day. But the real reason I mention all the above is because this is the difference between Canes and Gators: The way in which my first interview with Tim was conducted. As per usual, I reached out to his high school football coach to set it up (Tim was home schooled but played for Nease). The coach kindly informed me all interviews go through Tim’s father. He was very nice and said he’d check with the dad and to call back the next day. Which I did. So dad okayed it, and coach gave me dad’s number. When I called dad, for the first and only time in my 5,000-year reporting career (it feels that long sometimes) a father wound up interviewing me. Peppering me with questions on what I wanted to ask his son, what the story would be about, my background, etc. For 10 minutes I was grilled. And somehow I made the cut. And wound up doing a few very boring stories on a guy who the Gators now call one of their legends. But I call him one of the weirdest interview situations I’ve had. And the reason I bring it up now is because the Gators are going to be calling Miami “Daddy” by the end of Saturday night. At least that’s what Cane fans are telling me.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE THE HURRICANES

This is that part of the newsletter where we explain why you should sign up for a CaneSport subscription. And there really is no better reason than this: Tim Tebow’s father got a sub back in 2005 to find out all the inside scoop on his son’s decision, and he’s kept it to this day. At least we are guessing that’s what he did. And because he did that, how can you as an actual Miami fan not get a subscription? Do you want Tim Tebow’s family to have more Cane information than you do? Oh, and if you are super cheap and can’t afford the $1 first week and don’t want the free included Athletic sub, then we will call you a random name, let’s go with “Greg.” And you can get some really good fake news on our free CaneSport Live show with fans that was in full time-machine mode last night. Because, apparently, we don’t need to play the game on Saturday. The Gators suck. The Canes are great. Well, that was the general synopsis. So feel free to check out last night’s CaneSport Live Show … and you Greg’s out there can stay tuned for The Very Much Free Lamar Thomas Show at 8 p.m. tonight as well.

HEADLINES OF THE DAY

We were flabbergasted yesterday by the news that came out after Miami’s practice: Apparently Florida is unbeatable. At least that’s what QB Carson Beck was saying. No, we kid. He just indicated it’s going to be really, really hard to beat a totally reeling team whose QB threw as many INTs last weekend as Miami has national titles. There was more player feedback as well from yesterday you can see on our front page, and we have great news for you: Sources tell us we will be hearing some honestly from Miami players during today’s availability and how this is going to be such an easy win that they are already eyeing the two or three UF players worth adding to Miami’s team from the portal next year. So stay tuned for that.

Be sure to check out yours truly’s closer film study of the ridiculous effort we are seeing from RB, OL and WR off this last game. Mario Cristobal’s mantra of physicality and effort is paying off.

Oh and there’s still that weird thing nobody knows what it is but that some are calling “recruiting.” Yeah, apparently that’s a big deal for games like this and we have several updates about it on our front page, including one on a top 2027 Miami target who now is magically in the Class of 2026.

AND NOW … A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSORS

Today’s sponsor is – you guessed it! – AT&T. Because yes, indeed, AT&T still has availability for home phones. So you, too, can be just like Tim Tebow and have numerous home phones and cell phones for no apparent reason. And there’s even a new AT&T product called “wireless phones for hearing aids” where you can simply point either ear in the direction of the field on gameday to intercept UF’s play calls and then instantaneously relay them to Mario Cristobal. That’s assuming that the Tebow’s aren’t at the game, because their numerous phones take up so much bandwith there might not be much left for anyone else in the stands to use.

TODAY’S DIVINE SIGN A MIAMI CHAMPIONSHIP IS UPON US

Yesterday after practice we got the closest thing to a player trash talking, which hearkens back to those championship years when Clinton Portis would predict how many yards he’d run for game to game with players routinely saying the only goal was a national championship. In recent years – if recent is two decades – that’s morphed into more of a “well we hope to maybe win this week and we’re only looking at what we are hoping to accomplish today in practice and then will worry about tomorrow” mindset. No longer! Thanks to Carson Beck finally doing some massive trash-talking. Okay, so maybe it was directed more at the media, but hey, it’s a start. “Hey, you idiot media members,” Beck thought to himself before looking us right in our evil little faces on a post-practice Zoom and saying “You can turn on the film and tell me if I’m wrong.” Now I wasn’t really paying attention at that point, mainly because I was trying to see if I had dripped any of my Starbucks Matcha Latte on my shirt, but I assume he was answering a question akin to “Hey, you just said you’re going to crush the Florida Gators this weekend, why do you believe that to be the case?” And that’s when he responded with the “turn on the film and tell me if I’m wrong.” Now, with that said, he did get confused at the end, saying he wants to “go jump in the stands with all the Georgia fans” after winning the game. But it’s also possible I took this all out of context. You can read the story and decide for yourself.

MATT’S CANESPORT MESSAGE BOARD VICTIM OF THE DAY

First things first. Let’s get the actual facts for OhioCane1 on his thread titled “If Matt is Gameday’s guest picker.” He writes “I could see him picking the Gators. He’s so damn negative! jk Matt… sort of.” Oh, and he also has an lol emoji and winky face emoji included, which as everyone knows signifies a poster with significant issues. Okay so now let’s break this down. First of all, to call Matthew McConaughey “negative” is just blatantly offensive. He isn’t just a stellar person, he’s an interstellar person. Alright, Alright, Alright, I know who he is calling out. I get it. And Matt Millen is pissed. You will be hearing from his lawyers. That is, if he can get a signal with all the cell tower traffic being created by the Tebows.

DISCLAIMER: All names in this story have been changed to protect privacy, and most of what you just read was completely made up but some of it could have a basis in real or historical fiction

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