<div>
A glass-walled, modern meeting room in Portland, Oregon
Dave Zanderfield, Head of Collegiate Uniforms, Adidas: Alright then,
everyone, it looks like we've got all of our new uniform designs
approved by the schools. Production can begin next week after the Fourth
of July, and they should be at our clients' schools by the end of the
month. I'm proud of all of you. Great work! I'm really proud and I think
we'll make a big splash this season. Now bring it in everyone!
Everyone brings it in
Dave: I couldn't ask for a better staff. I am truly blessed to work with each and every one of you. %*%+!
Everyone else: NIKE!
Dave: %*%+!
Everyone else: NIKE!
Cheers erupt, backs are slapped, and the team files out of the room. Except for Luke Simmons, Dave's Right-Hand Man
Luke: Dave, uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but during the meeting I realized that, uh, we forgot one of the schools.
Dave: What do you mean, "Forgot one of the schools"?
Luke: We didn't design anything for them. At all. They somehow
completely slipped through the cracks. We have done zero work on it.
Dave:...I don't...A...How did this happen?
Luke: I don't know. I don't. I wish I had an answer for you better than
that, but at this point I just don't know. I'm so, so sorry.
Dave: So you mean to tell me...it's July 2nd...we are about to START PRODUCTION on this year's uniforms...
Luke: Yes...
Dave:...and we have an account that hasn't even been @!###%+ STARTED?!?!?!?!
Luke: Yes. Yes, Dave. I know. I'm so sorry.
Dave: HOW THE %*%+ DOES THIS HAPPEN?! I MEAN...REALLY! DO YOU REALIZE HOW !*#$@% WE ALL ARE?!?!
Luke: I know.
Dave: HOLY ****! We're done. It's over. I'm fired. You're fired. At
least half this department is going to be out on it's *** by this time
tomorrow.
Luke: I know.
Dave: I just bought my @!###%+ kid one of those penny-farthing bikes. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THOSE DAMN THINGS ARE?!?!
Luke: I know. My roommate builds them using fair trade steel and locally-sourced paint.
Dave: And they can forget going to college. I'll be lucky if I can
screen-print family reunion shirts after this. I mean really. Holy ****!
Luke and Dave sit in uncomfortable silence, their worlds crashing down around them.
Dave: What...which school is it?
Luke: Mississippi State.
Dave: Who?
Luke: Mississippi State.
Dave: Is that where Eli Manning played?
Luke: No, that was Mississippi.
Dave: Oh, I'm thinking about Brett Favre.
Luke: No, he played at Southern Mississippi.
Dave: Who played at Mississippi State?
Luke: Um, some backup for the 49ers. Can't think of his name off the top of my head.
Dave: Help me remember- how much are we paying them each year?
Luke: Technically about 330k, but they end up spending over 500k extra each year.
Dave: Damn, they got !*#$@% on that one. So this clearly is a school nobody gives a **** about, right?
Luke: Well... they're in the SEC, but for the most part, no.
Dave: Ok... and what do their uniforms look like now?
Luke pulls up pictures of their uniforms
Dave, looking immensely relieved and lightly chuckling: Damn... I remember them. We mailed that one in pretty bad.
Luke: Yeah, we really lucked out that they thought that mess was great.
Dave, standing and pacing slowly: Ok...We can fix this....This is doable...Will there be anybody in the office tomorrow?
Luke: Not really. Pretty much everyone will be gone for the holiday for the rest of the week except the interns.
Dave: Ok... (snaps fingers) I've got it! Get me that intern from Ohio!
Luke: The moron who drinks hot chocolate every day because he wants to look like he's drinking coffee but thinks it tastes bad?
Dave: Yeah, him! Bring him in here!
Luke brings back the Moron Intern From Ohio
Dave: Ok, son. I've got a big opportunity for you. I need you to design
an entire football uniform, home, away, and alternates. By yourself. By
the end of the week.
Moron Intern: What?! Are you serious?! How am I supposed...
Dave: Don't worry about it, kid. You'll be fine. It's Mississippi State.
They don't @!###%+ matter and we don't give a ****. Look here...
Pulls up Texas A&M uniforms
Dave: See what these look like?
Moron: I guess...
Dave: Their school colors are the exact @!###%+ same as this one. Just
add some stripes and **** in random places, copy and paste the logo from
the school homepage somewhere, and get that **** sent to the production
site PRONTO.
Moron: I'm confused, sir. How do I...?
Dave: It. Does. Not. @!###%+. Matter. Dick around with it, send it in,
and don't even @!###%+ think about calling me for help. I just had the
worst scare of my life, and I'm about to man a bar stool down the street
for the rest of the day. Good luck!
Dave and Luke leave, already laughing about it
Moron Intern From Ohio: (looks around room, sighs)
Moron Intern From Ohio: (heads to the break room to see if there's any Swiss Miss left)
/Scene
</div>
A glass-walled, modern meeting room in Portland, Oregon
Dave Zanderfield, Head of Collegiate Uniforms, Adidas: Alright then,
everyone, it looks like we've got all of our new uniform designs
approved by the schools. Production can begin next week after the Fourth
of July, and they should be at our clients' schools by the end of the
month. I'm proud of all of you. Great work! I'm really proud and I think
we'll make a big splash this season. Now bring it in everyone!
Everyone brings it in
Dave: I couldn't ask for a better staff. I am truly blessed to work with each and every one of you. %*%+!
Everyone else: NIKE!
Dave: %*%+!
Everyone else: NIKE!
Cheers erupt, backs are slapped, and the team files out of the room. Except for Luke Simmons, Dave's Right-Hand Man
Luke: Dave, uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but during the meeting I realized that, uh, we forgot one of the schools.
Dave: What do you mean, "Forgot one of the schools"?
Luke: We didn't design anything for them. At all. They somehow
completely slipped through the cracks. We have done zero work on it.
Dave:...I don't...A...How did this happen?
Luke: I don't know. I don't. I wish I had an answer for you better than
that, but at this point I just don't know. I'm so, so sorry.
Dave: So you mean to tell me...it's July 2nd...we are about to START PRODUCTION on this year's uniforms...
Luke: Yes...
Dave:...and we have an account that hasn't even been @!###%+ STARTED?!?!?!?!
Luke: Yes. Yes, Dave. I know. I'm so sorry.
Dave: HOW THE %*%+ DOES THIS HAPPEN?! I MEAN...REALLY! DO YOU REALIZE HOW !*#$@% WE ALL ARE?!?!
Luke: I know.
Dave: HOLY ****! We're done. It's over. I'm fired. You're fired. At
least half this department is going to be out on it's *** by this time
tomorrow.
Luke: I know.
Dave: I just bought my @!###%+ kid one of those penny-farthing bikes. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THOSE DAMN THINGS ARE?!?!
Luke: I know. My roommate builds them using fair trade steel and locally-sourced paint.
Dave: And they can forget going to college. I'll be lucky if I can
screen-print family reunion shirts after this. I mean really. Holy ****!
Luke and Dave sit in uncomfortable silence, their worlds crashing down around them.
Dave: What...which school is it?
Luke: Mississippi State.
Dave: Who?
Luke: Mississippi State.
Dave: Is that where Eli Manning played?
Luke: No, that was Mississippi.
Dave: Oh, I'm thinking about Brett Favre.
Luke: No, he played at Southern Mississippi.
Dave: Who played at Mississippi State?
Luke: Um, some backup for the 49ers. Can't think of his name off the top of my head.
Dave: Help me remember- how much are we paying them each year?
Luke: Technically about 330k, but they end up spending over 500k extra each year.
Dave: Damn, they got !*#$@% on that one. So this clearly is a school nobody gives a **** about, right?
Luke: Well... they're in the SEC, but for the most part, no.
Dave: Ok... and what do their uniforms look like now?
Luke pulls up pictures of their uniforms
Dave, looking immensely relieved and lightly chuckling: Damn... I remember them. We mailed that one in pretty bad.
Luke: Yeah, we really lucked out that they thought that mess was great.
Dave, standing and pacing slowly: Ok...We can fix this....This is doable...Will there be anybody in the office tomorrow?
Luke: Not really. Pretty much everyone will be gone for the holiday for the rest of the week except the interns.
Dave: Ok... (snaps fingers) I've got it! Get me that intern from Ohio!
Luke: The moron who drinks hot chocolate every day because he wants to look like he's drinking coffee but thinks it tastes bad?
Dave: Yeah, him! Bring him in here!
Luke brings back the Moron Intern From Ohio
Dave: Ok, son. I've got a big opportunity for you. I need you to design
an entire football uniform, home, away, and alternates. By yourself. By
the end of the week.
Moron Intern: What?! Are you serious?! How am I supposed...
Dave: Don't worry about it, kid. You'll be fine. It's Mississippi State.
They don't @!###%+ matter and we don't give a ****. Look here...
Pulls up Texas A&M uniforms
Dave: See what these look like?
Moron: I guess...
Dave: Their school colors are the exact @!###%+ same as this one. Just
add some stripes and **** in random places, copy and paste the logo from
the school homepage somewhere, and get that **** sent to the production
site PRONTO.
Moron: I'm confused, sir. How do I...?
Dave: It. Does. Not. @!###%+. Matter. Dick around with it, send it in,
and don't even @!###%+ think about calling me for help. I just had the
worst scare of my life, and I'm about to man a bar stool down the street
for the rest of the day. Good luck!
Dave and Luke leave, already laughing about it
Moron Intern From Ohio: (looks around room, sighs)
Moron Intern From Ohio: (heads to the break room to see if there's any Swiss Miss left)
/Scene
</div>
