Dear moderately attractive, longtime girlfriend...

[DowntownDawg]

...I'm just calling to let you know that I'm ending our relationship. Jenna Jameson called, and I know that I said we'd always be together, but looking back, I guess I only meant that we'd always be together as long as nobody better came along. Jenna invited me over a couple of weeks ago. She has a huge house, lots of money, and also a great body. Plus, she says she'll let me hit it from behind, which you never did. I'm glad you're not mad, that makes me feel better about my decision. Now I realize that there are going to always be other guys around Jenna, but I think if I hang around long enough, I'll eventually get a piece.

Now I want you to know that I'm still a man of my word. I guess you'll just have to trust me on that. I'm just trying to do what's best for me. You understand.

And if I can leave you with one thought: Just know that I still love you, and I will always love you. And every time I'm banging that *****, I'll be thinking of you.

Sincerely,

Chris Garrett

 

[hatfieldms]

Can we please stop with all of these Chris Garrett threads? The obsession over a 17 year old kid is getting ridiculous

 

[patdog]

I prayed about it and God told me to leave you for Jenna Jameson.</p>