Q: Now that Ben Wallace has a broken leg and T-Mac might never recover properly from his surgeries, who's your vote to replace Raef LaFrentz's contract as the new "Theo Ratliff's expiring contract?" I say Big Ben because he was way overpaid from the beginning and can only keep declining, while T-Mac might stage a Grant Hill-style comeback at some point.
-- Dovi, Buenos Aires</p>
SG: Great question. You need three components for this one. First, it needs to be someone who hasn't been good for at least five years, so his contract became ridiculous either when he signed it or immediately afterward. (This rules out T-Mac: His contract only became ridiculous recently after he broke the record for "most times screwing over the same team in one season.") Second, it needs to be a team that spends money and would definitely want to flip that expiring deal for a better, more expensive player. (This rules out Cleveland with Wallace because they don't have the cash flow; same for New Jersey with my illegitimate brother Bobby.) Third, it needs to be inherently funny for whatever reason. This rules out "Jermaine O'Neal's Expiring Contract" and "Larry Hughes' Expiring Contract."</p>
And so I'm going with this one: "Erick Dampier's Expiring Contract." It has everything we're looking for -- it was ridiculous when he signed it, it has become more ridiculous over time, it's being paid by a team notorious for spending money, it's funny to look at in print, and it's even funny to say. You will hear it between 500 and 15,000 times next season. You will.</p>
