I'm going to bring it to SPS on Game weeks.
"Why Your Team Sucks"
http://deadspin.com/5329652/why-your-team-sucks-jacksonville-jaguars
Excerpts from the AFC South ...
Jacksonville Jaguars
Jacksonville is responsible for the death of rock music. This is the city that spawned both Creed and Limp Bizkit. Not only are those two bands awful, but AOR radio still maintains a heavy dose of Creed in their daily rotations, as if "Higher" is some sort of timeless masterpiece. I don't understand modern rock radio. Music like this wasn't designed to have a shelf life. It's almost as if they feel like they have nothing else to play. "Well, what the %@#! do we play next? Hey, how about a Seven Mary Three song from 12 years ago?"
Houston Texans
They still haven't told everyone to go %@#! themselves. If you recall, it was everyone - you, me, your gay uncle, your biological dad who now lives in Haiti - who cruelly mocked the Texans for drafting defensive end Mario Williams first overall in 2006 instead of Vince Young or Reggie Bush. If you make the correct decision about something when everyone else has gone the other way. This is particularly prevalent in sports. If you bet on one team no one is picking, and they win, you get that smug, Simmonsesque sense of self-satisfaction, the kind that makes you feel entitled to be a real ******* for at least three days. But the Texans have yet to rub everyone's face in it. They just maintain a completely professional levelheadedness with regards to the whole thing. And that's gay. If I were Bob McNair, I'd call a press conference every week. Then I'd say, "Hey, you guys remember when you made fun of us for taking Mario Williams?" Then I'd take my dick out.
Tennessee Titans
You will never be the Volunteers. Face it: the Titans exist primarily as a way for college football fans in Tennessee to nurse a Sunday hangover. What's that? The Titans blew a #1 seed and fell to Baltimore in the divisional round? Oh well, that's too bad. HEY Y'ALL, DIDJA JUST SEE WHAT THAT THERE CRAZY COOT LANE KIFFIN JUST DID?! HE TWEETED A RECROOOOT! I'D 17 HIS WIFE TILL HER HEAD FELL OFF!
Indianapolis Colts
Marvin Harrison is no longer around to secretly threaten the other team with gun violence. One would assume MarHar will be picked up by some team at some point before Week 1. Then again, perhaps teams are purposely avoiding Harrison because they know that, when the night falls, he becomes Messy Marvin, Philly crime lord par excellence. It makes you wonder if Harrison's quiet intimidation of NFL defenses in the past was the result of actual physical intimidation, and not graceful route running, as so widely assumed.
"Why Your Team Sucks"
http://deadspin.com/5329652/why-your-team-sucks-jacksonville-jaguars
Excerpts from the AFC South ...
Jacksonville Jaguars
Jacksonville is responsible for the death of rock music. This is the city that spawned both Creed and Limp Bizkit. Not only are those two bands awful, but AOR radio still maintains a heavy dose of Creed in their daily rotations, as if "Higher" is some sort of timeless masterpiece. I don't understand modern rock radio. Music like this wasn't designed to have a shelf life. It's almost as if they feel like they have nothing else to play. "Well, what the %@#! do we play next? Hey, how about a Seven Mary Three song from 12 years ago?"
Houston Texans
They still haven't told everyone to go %@#! themselves. If you recall, it was everyone - you, me, your gay uncle, your biological dad who now lives in Haiti - who cruelly mocked the Texans for drafting defensive end Mario Williams first overall in 2006 instead of Vince Young or Reggie Bush. If you make the correct decision about something when everyone else has gone the other way. This is particularly prevalent in sports. If you bet on one team no one is picking, and they win, you get that smug, Simmonsesque sense of self-satisfaction, the kind that makes you feel entitled to be a real ******* for at least three days. But the Texans have yet to rub everyone's face in it. They just maintain a completely professional levelheadedness with regards to the whole thing. And that's gay. If I were Bob McNair, I'd call a press conference every week. Then I'd say, "Hey, you guys remember when you made fun of us for taking Mario Williams?" Then I'd take my dick out.
Tennessee Titans
You will never be the Volunteers. Face it: the Titans exist primarily as a way for college football fans in Tennessee to nurse a Sunday hangover. What's that? The Titans blew a #1 seed and fell to Baltimore in the divisional round? Oh well, that's too bad. HEY Y'ALL, DIDJA JUST SEE WHAT THAT THERE CRAZY COOT LANE KIFFIN JUST DID?! HE TWEETED A RECROOOOT! I'D 17 HIS WIFE TILL HER HEAD FELL OFF!
Indianapolis Colts
Marvin Harrison is no longer around to secretly threaten the other team with gun violence. One would assume MarHar will be picked up by some team at some point before Week 1. Then again, perhaps teams are purposely avoiding Harrison because they know that, when the night falls, he becomes Messy Marvin, Philly crime lord par excellence. It makes you wonder if Harrison's quiet intimidation of NFL defenses in the past was the result of actual physical intimidation, and not graceful route running, as so widely assumed.