Other possibilities:
The Conservative Democrat: The offense that gets you rich, allows you to talk a good game, but gets you nowhere.
The Walrus Shuffle: It's slow, uninventive, the entire show is fishy, and a walrus is involved.
The Useless Friendly Woody: All you get are a couple of aching balls at the end of the day.
The Slow Screw of Mississippi State on the Rocks.
The LT Nightmare Express. Just when you thought it was over, the tracks get extended.
The I Bleed McCorvey While You Feel the Kick in the Nuts Offense.
The Answering Machine: No one is listening, you're still just as screwed as before you got through to it, and you never get a quarter back.
And yes, these were all cheesy as hell.