Old head phrases

[HulksStache]

What are some phrases you’ve been told growing up…

“quit trying to tie your dick in a knot”
“Use your head for something other than a hat rack”
“ hook the chicken to the plow”

 

[stateu1]

“You ain’t worth two dead green flies” comes to mind. I’m sure I can think of plenty more.

 

[Pilgrimdawg]

“Don’t live it up if you can’t live it down”

 

[HulksStache]

“Sheet in one hand and want in the other, tell me which one fills up faster”

 

[champdawg.sixpack]

A place for everything and everything in its place

take all you want, eat all you take

 

[40 acres and a mule]

He is a turd on a stick. Definition: an arrogant person.

He's got his azz on his shoulders. Definition: POd.

 

[thatsbaseball]

Well that makes the cheese mo bindin

 

[msugrad2003]

Keep your timber limber and you’ll be hard to beat!

 

[Pilgrimdawg]

As I told my kids, “ nothing good happens after 10:00 at night “.

 

[Jeffreauxdawg]

I'm so hungry I could eat the balls off a low flying duck.

He squeezes a nickel 'till the buffalo screams.

Hotter than a $2 pistol.

Tougher than a $2 steak

Colder than a cast iron shìtter.

On it like a duck on a Junebug.

She's been rode hard and put away wet.

They’re hitched but not churched.

Went over like a turd in the punchbowl.

He’s riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Harder than pissing up a rope.

He’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.

Couldn’t pour rain out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel.

She's so ugly the dogs keep her under the porch.

If brains were leather, that boy couldn't saddle a flea.

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

That dog won't hunt.

This ain't my first rodeo.

 

[Awwhellnaw]

One of my middle school football coaches would often yell “you can’t bust a grape!” at us. Took me forever to figure out what he was actually saying. He was hard to understand..

 

[Hugh's Burner Phone]

That boy could 17 up a wet dream.

 

[Mayor of Little London]

As a banker, I have to explain to folks”you can’t borrow your way out of debt “.

 

[champdawg.sixpack]

Dog Owen’s use to say “ You as lucky as a two dicked dog”

 

[Mjoelner]

She's so ugly she'd scare buzzards off a gut wagon.

Colder than a well-diggers arse in Idaho.

Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.

Its better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Up to my arse in alligators.

Only heard this one once but it was great and the whole classroom broke up. In high school as a teacher was handing our graded tests back, he told one guy nicknamed Beanie, "Beanie, your spelling is bad enough to carry a pistol".

ETA: She makes my D harder than Chinese arithmetic.

 

[DerHntr]

He’s higher than giraffe pussyy

 

[GoodPadLevel]

Making more noise than two skeletons 17ing on a tin roof.

 

[Wesson Bulldog]

That went over like a lead balloon.

 

[tired]

I'm so hungry I could eat the balls off a low flying duck.

He squeezes a nickel 'till the buffalo screams.

Hotter than a $2 pistol.

Tougher than a $2 steak

Colder than a cast iron shìtter.

On it like a duck on a Junebug.

She's been rode hard and put away wet.

They’re hitched but not churched.

Went over like a turd in the punchbowl.

He’s riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Harder than pissing up a rope.

He’s as full of wind as a corn-eating horse.

Couldn’t pour rain out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel.

She's so ugly the dogs keep her under the porch.

If brains were leather, that boy couldn't saddle a flea.

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

That dog won't hunt.

This ain't my first rodeo.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

If she'll smoke, she'll poke

Busier than a set of jumper cables at a Mexican funeral

 

[Slow Natives]

There's many a slip twix the cup and the lip

 

[Ozarkdawg]

Swims like a rock.

You're pi ssing against the wind.

Fell out of an ugly tree - and hit every limb.

That mud is as s deep to a giraffe.

2 ways of saying yes,
Has a cat got a climbing gear?
Is a 40lb robin fat?

 

[BruceDickinson.sixpack]

Hotter than a 4-balled tomcat

 

[was21]

What are some phrases you’ve been told growing up…

“quit trying to tie your dick in a knot”
“Use your head for something other than a hat rack”
“ hook the chicken to the plow”

He's greener than goose ****

 

[Awwhellnaw]

A friend’s dad told us a story once about a younger guy carrying on about how he was getting bored with his girlfriend. He’d “worn that out”. In response, my friend’s dad asked “how do you wear something out that’s self lubricating?”.

 

[3407Dewey]

Nekkid as a jay bird.

Ugly as homemade sin.

Wrong as two boys 17ing on the White House lawn.

 

[Choctaw Dawg]

Went over like a pregnant pole vaulter

Got stuck in the bedroom reviewing history with Mr. Hand

So hungry could eat the *** end of a menstrating skunk

Shivering like a dog shxtting razor blades

Having you is like losing two good workers

Gotta shxt like a three legged crane

About as useful as an Amish electrician

Confused as a baby in a topless bar

Better to shxt in the sink than sink in shxt

Per diem is Latin for beer money

God messed up a good dick putting ears on you

Losers always whine, winners go home and bang the prom queen

 

[Lettuce]

17 up like a soup sandwich

Useful as a screen door on a submarine

Does a 1 legged duck swim in a circle?

 

[kired]

He wouldn’t know his *** from a hole in the ground

Looks like a monkey trying to 17 a football

 

[00Dawg]

They're grinning like a goat eatin' briars.

 

[Villagedawg]

You’re moving around like “dead lice are falling off of you.”

Cat got a climbing gear?

I bet you “ a nickel to a donut.”

Don’t worry about the mule being blind, just sit on the wagon and hold the line.

More than one way to skin a cat.

Tight as a drum.

Scat cat get your tail out of the gravy! (after sneezing)

 

[HomeBoyDawg]

I'd just as soon French kiss a water moccasin.

He was born on 3rd base and thinks he hit a triple.

 

[HulksStache]

Edited bc already posted

 

[Dawgbite]

I’m 17in this chicken, you just stand there and hold its wings! When someone is trying to tell you how to do something that you’re already doing.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

Two things you'll never see:

A J_w on a tractor and a p_ssy in a junkyard.

 

[OopsICroomedmypants]

I don’t want to get in a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

she’s so ugly she could turn back a raging river

smiling like a mule eatin briers

still wet behind the ears

 

[AlCoDog]

What are some phrases you’ve been told growing up…

“quit trying to tie your dick in a knot”
“Use your head for something other than a hat rack”
“ hook the chicken to the plow”

Son, if I tell you there’s cheese on the moon, you better bring crackers.

 

[thatsbaseball]

Useless as tits on a boar hog .

 

[She Mate Me]

I’m 17in this chicken, you just stand there and hold its wings! When someone is trying to tell you how to do something that you’re already doing.

Love that one, but I always heard it as "I'm 17'n this chicken, you just hold it's head"

Also, courtesy of my Papaw...

"it's rainin' harder than a cow pissin' on a flat rock."

 

[MaxwellSmart]

Grinning like a possum eating shat.
Is the Pope Catholic?