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OT: Need advice on a problem with my secretary.

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Dawg Jurist

Redshirt
Aug 22, 2012
429
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I bring this issue to the pack for 3 reasons: (1) to vent; (2) to actually seek advice; and (3) because I think there will be some funny as hell responses.

Here's the issue: I have a secretary who does really good work. She is a model employee but for one issue: she is "earthy" and does not wear deodorant.

This has been going on for quite a while, but recently, her stank has gotten worse. I don't know if it's something new in her vegetarian diet or what, but it's like we have the computer lab a Simrall** walking around our office.

How do I address this issue? If it was a male employee, I would tell him he smells like a bum's nut sack and tell him to go home and bathe and put on some damn Right Guard. However, with a lady, you have to be a bit more delicate than that. No one else in the office has said anything to me about it, but they have to notice it. Yesterday afternoon, I literally almost choked while going over a document with her.

And before any of you sick bastards ask, I have no clue how large her **** is, and no, I'm not posting pics.

**I am only assuming the computer lab in Simrall still smells like foreigner. When I was in school there, oh so many years ago, it smelled like chili Fritos in there all the time.
 
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Wicked Pissah

Redshirt
Aug 22, 2012
1,437
0
0
Dawg Jurist said:
I bring this issue to the pack for 3 reasons: (1) to vent; (2) to actually seek advice; and (3) because I think there will be some funny as hell responses.

Here's the issue: I have a secretary who does really good work. She is a model employee but for one issue: she is "earthy" and does not wear deodorant.

This has been going on for quite a while, but recently, her stank has gotten worse. I don't know if it's something new in her vegetarian diet or what, but it's like we have the computer lab a Simrall** walking around our office.

How do I address this issue? If it was a male employee, I would tell him he smells like a bum's nut sack and tell him to go home and bathe and put on some damn Right Guard. However, with a lady, you have to be a bit more delicate than that. No one else in the office has said anything to me about it, but they have to notice it. Yesterday afternoon, I literally almost choked while going over a document with her.

And before any of you sick bastards ask, I have no clue how large her **** is, and no, I'm not posting pics.

**I am only assuming the computer lab in Simrall still smells like foreigner. When I was in school there, oh so many years ago, it smelled like chili Fritos in there all the time.
Click to expand...

She is a hippy so tell her you want her to be comfortable and you know she would be more comfortable in the earths environment....outside. Move her desk and everything outside.

That or just febreeze her or just tell her she smells like the *** end of a rhino.

I had a 10 hour flight to maui with this sitaution. I got somewhere over albequerque before i finally had to say something. They moved me to a different seat.
 
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drt7891

Redshirt
Dec 6, 2010
6,727
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0
Let's just go ahead and get this out of the way... Pics or it didn't happen **
 
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DerHntr

All-Conference
Sep 18, 2007
15,814
2,727
113
Go around the office looking for "a random bad smell" for a few days. Keep coming back to her asking if she is sure there is no old food that has fallen behind/under her desk. Just keep playing dumb as hell about it until it stops. Eventually she will either scrub up or say that you smell her. If she brings up that you smell her, then you have your opening to discuss the problem.

Or you could pass as much horrific gas as humanly possible prior to walking directly over to her desk. That'll teach that dirty hippy.
 
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starkvegasdawg

Redshirt
Dec 1, 2011
1,316
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Tell her when you were in nam you nailed some Thai hooker for $5.00 and her **** smelled better than you do right now.
 
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Dash Riprock.sixpack

Redshirt
Aug 22, 2012
324
0
0
back in the day i had a Nigerian track guy in my accounting class who never bathed. some days it was unbearable. other classmates and i starting leaving bars of soap on his desk until he quit coming to class. on his last day he came he informed us that God bathed him every time he sweated. we all laughed and someone told him that God missed his underarms.

so leave a tube of antiperspirant and a bottle of FDS on her desk every day for a week until she with quits or gets with modern daily hygiene.
 
coach66

coach66

Junior
Mar 5, 2009
12,691
312
83
Without a doubt one of the most difficult conversations to have as a manager.

Therefore, go to V.P. of H.R. and let me at least earn a little of his money. Ask him/her to call in the lady and tell her that HR has gotten some complaints and it will be fixed or she will quit.
 
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GreaterCowbell

Redshirt
May 3, 2011
358
0
0
Hippie Chick? Tell her you smell the last Cheeba Blount she smoked. Offer to light up some incense for her so she won't get caught by the man.
 
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Wizard.sixpack

Freshman
Sep 15, 2009
6,511
58
48
give her a gift basket full of bath soaps, lotions, body sprays etc and tell her its National Secretary day. Of course this don't guarantee she will use it but it's worth a shot if it's that bad. At the very least maybe she will get the message.
 
57stratdawg

57stratdawg

Heisman
Dec 1, 2004
148,408
24,182
113
Tell her youll start giving her $60 every other week to D.O. the B.O. She'll take it.
 
horshack.sixpack

horshack.sixpack

All-American
Oct 30, 2012
11,360
8,258
113
If you KNOW that he problem is that she simply doesn't wear deodorant, just address it directly and privately. If there is a chance that she has a legit B.O. medical problem, it may not go so well...

[h=3]Trimethylaminuriaku[/h]
 
aTotal360

aTotal360

Heisman
Nov 12, 2009
21,748
14,399
113
Start with subtle hints, then work your way up to more direct messaging.

Here is a pretty solid instructional video on how it should play out.

 
TheStateUofMS

TheStateUofMS

All-Conference
Dec 26, 2009
10,308
2,341
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Before we fired our old secretary for sucking *** at her job, we smelled her

nasty *** poonaner the first few days she worked for us. I knew some background info on her that she was a known *****, so there's no doubt what it was. Fortunately for us, I think she noticed it on her own and fixed the problem.

I think the best thing to do is just pull her aside as she's leaving to go home on a Friday, and tell her, "I respect your life style choices and I think you're my best worker here, but I need you to please wear some deodorant at work. We're all human, we all smell if we don't take care of it. I'm not mad at you or think you're a nasty person, but could you please cover it up at work because it is offensive to some people and we'd like everyone to feel as comfortable as possible in this work place. Thanks a lot and have a great weekend. See you Monday!"
 
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johnson86-1

All-Conference
Aug 22, 2012
14,324
4,824
113
Dawg Jurist said:
**I am only assuming the computer lab in Simrall still smells like foreigner. When I was in school there, oh so many years ago, it smelled like chili Fritos in there all the time.
Click to expand...

Chili Fritos would have been a huge upgrade in smell compared to when I was there. There were a couple of times when I was slightly hungover where the smell in computer lab or on whatever bus went to aiken village (Maroon route?) almost caused me to vomit.
 
docdawg

docdawg

Redshirt
Mar 22, 2009
130
14
18
Maybe she is using something.............SEX PANTHER! 60% of the time, it works all the time.

 
TheStateUofMS

TheStateUofMS

All-Conference
Dec 26, 2009
10,308
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johnson86-1 said:
Chili Fritos would have been a huge upgrade in smell compared to when I was there. There were a couple of times when I was slightly hungover where the smell in computer lab or on whatever bus went to aiken village (Maroon route?) almost caused me to vomit.
Click to expand...


I worked for Aiken Village doing apartment maintenance, and boy let me tell you what...nothing smells like Aiken Village. Nothing.
 
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Dawg Jurist

Redshirt
Aug 22, 2012
429
0
16
You ain't wrong. Firing her or letting her quit is not an option. However, lighting a candle in my office won't do any good. My desk isn't what smells like rancid onions.

It's not an environmental issue like it lingers around the office. The smell follows her around like dirt follows Pig-pen.
 
ShrubDog

ShrubDog

Redshirt
Apr 13, 2008
5,307
3
38
You said she is a model employee but smells bad. So she really is not the model employee. Like someone said be professional about it, take her aside and tell her how important she is to your company. Then ask her if she can help you with something. She will say of course I will help you. Then just be honest with her and tell her to please freshen up before she comes to work and say you just want the best for her and are making sure he is doing well and being taken care of. And the say the most important reason I am telling you this is because you are my most important employee and I have had others come to me with concerns so I am just asking you to please wear some deoderant. Its no big deal.
 
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goodknight

Sophomore
Jan 27, 2011
820
138
43
Easy but you have to commit

Do the same and for anyone who else who finds it a problem. Nobody partake of the deodorant.
 
Shmuley

Shmuley

Heisman
Mar 6, 2008
23,829
10,632
113
Does this woman moonlight in the stadium cup manufacturing industry perhaps?
 
was21

was21

Senior
May 29, 2007
9,937
584
113
Maybe she feels blue and depressed over a lost love...bar of Fresh Start sent to her through the mail..anonymously of course.
 
Lawdawg.sixpack

Lawdawg.sixpack

All-Conference
Jul 22, 2012
5,330
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I don't actually laugh out loud at many things on the interwebs. This post is definitely an exception. Kudos.
 
vhdawg

vhdawg

All-Conference
Sep 29, 2004
4,429
1,905
113
I could introduce her to my former Turkish Muslim contractor....

....he was really good to take one or two baths a day.

Of course, typically, these baths occurred in the sink in the men's bathroom, which freaked the hell out the rest of the people working there, but dude was really clean and never smelled.
 
MeridianDog

MeridianDog

Freshman
Sep 3, 2008
3,226
80
48
post her e-mail address and the funkysmellteam from SixPackSpeaks will help you out by sending her a few choice e-mails. Your identity will remain in strict confidence, so help us Bullydoggers.

What harm could come of it?
 
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