OT: What is the best prank you have ever played on someone?
- Thread starter DerHntr
- Start date
My brother pulled one on me several years ago when the I phone came out with the voice commands. Over a four week period he would dial my number and when I answered he would say sorry man and hang up. After about four weeks I saw him at my mothers house and I asked him why he was accidentally calling me so much and he replied " I got one of the new voice activating phone and every time I say MF your number dialed."
I'll start. Of course this story has to do with hunting.
A guy I knew would always talk about how he gets nervous entering and leaving the woods for hunting when it is dark. We harassed him often for driving his ATV to the stand during prime time (within 30 minutes after daylight and within 30 minutes before dark).
So, he had been hunting one area in particular for a large buck he saw opening weekend of bow season. To get to this stand you had to drive through a field that was badly overgrown. It had tons of sapplings everywhere and weeds that were about 4 to 6 feet tall throughout. It was super thick.
I borrowed a disgusting halloween mask from a friend that looked something similar to this:
View attachment 571
I had some blood from a deer that had been killed the day previously. I poured it all over my white t-shirt. I then snuck back to the area he was hunting, slipped into the tall grass and sapplings and waited.
Like clockwork, I heard his ATV crank up about 15 minutes before dark. I waited until he passed me and then I grabbed onto the back of the ATV's rack and began to yell as loud as I could. He turned around and started screaming like a 10 year old girl at a Bieber concert. He hammered the gas and took off while I chased him through the field.
I thought he was going to kill me when he finally stopped and heard me choking on my laughter.
Fortunately, this was bow season and I knew he didn't carry a pistol to the woods.
A guy I knew would always talk about how he gets nervous entering and leaving the woods for hunting when it is dark. We harassed him often for driving his ATV to the stand during prime time (within 30 minutes after daylight and within 30 minutes before dark).
So, he had been hunting one area in particular for a large buck he saw opening weekend of bow season. To get to this stand you had to drive through a field that was badly overgrown. It had tons of sapplings everywhere and weeds that were about 4 to 6 feet tall throughout. It was super thick.
I borrowed a disgusting halloween mask from a friend that looked something similar to this:
View attachment 571
I had some blood from a deer that had been killed the day previously. I poured it all over my white t-shirt. I then snuck back to the area he was hunting, slipped into the tall grass and sapplings and waited.
Like clockwork, I heard his ATV crank up about 15 minutes before dark. I waited until he passed me and then I grabbed onto the back of the ATV's rack and began to yell as loud as I could. He turned around and started screaming like a 10 year old girl at a Bieber concert. He hammered the gas and took off while I chased him through the field.
I thought he was going to kill me when he finally stopped and heard me choking on my laughter.
Fortunately, this was bow season and I knew he didn't carry a pistol to the woods.
We called it: The Snake.
Keep in mind I live on a rural road out in the woods as I'm telling this story. Basically, me, my brother and my cousins built a huge snake look a like out of rolled up shower towels and black electrical tape. We would wait till after dark and throw it over the other side of the road with a fishing line attached and wait for headlights in the bushes. As soon as the car got near, we would pull the snake across the road and would see if the person would swerve to hit it. Sometimes folks would come back looking for the snake while we are just dying laughing at them. The funniest part was when we would sometimes leave it in the road after they had hit it, and then when they got out of their vehicle, we would snatch the snake on across and scare the crap out of them so bad that they would jump back in their car and speed away. Good times...
Keep in mind I live on a rural road out in the woods as I'm telling this story. Basically, me, my brother and my cousins built a huge snake look a like out of rolled up shower towels and black electrical tape. We would wait till after dark and throw it over the other side of the road with a fishing line attached and wait for headlights in the bushes. As soon as the car got near, we would pull the snake across the road and would see if the person would swerve to hit it. Sometimes folks would come back looking for the snake while we are just dying laughing at them. The funniest part was when we would sometimes leave it in the road after they had hit it, and then when they got out of their vehicle, we would snatch the snake on across and scare the crap out of them so bad that they would jump back in their car and speed away. Good times...
I used to rent out a building that I kept my boat In, worked on my cars in, and stored my tools and stuff. One day a friend of mine met this guy there that was going to take him to look at an old car. Friend left his keys in the truck as he parked it in front of the bay door my Mustang was in.
A mutual friend of ours, which his family owns a vehicle salvage yard, came by since the doors were up and just wanted to ********. Turns out they just got in a truck that was just like his that had been rolled.
One thing led to another and we parked our friends truck in the shop and rolled down the door and got his flatbed wrecker and placed the wrecked truck in the same spot. We retreated to a safe distance with a cooler and watched. I cherished those voicemails I got for months.
A mutual friend of ours, which his family owns a vehicle salvage yard, came by since the doors were up and just wanted to ********. Turns out they just got in a truck that was just like his that had been rolled.
One thing led to another and we parked our friends truck in the shop and rolled down the door and got his flatbed wrecker and placed the wrecked truck in the same spot. We retreated to a safe distance with a cooler and watched. I cherished those voicemails I got for months.
I use to steal people's car keys in college and move their cars across town. They'd find a clue on their car keys and get a surprise scavenger hunt for the day.
Also had some friends that stole a key to another friend's apartment at Academy Village and moved all of his downstairs furniture, pictures, and pretty much anything not bolted down to the upstairs bedrooms. Guy gets home and thinks he got robbed. Freaks out for a few minutes before going upstairs and realizing he got got.
Also had some friends that stole a key to another friend's apartment at Academy Village and moved all of his downstairs furniture, pictures, and pretty much anything not bolted down to the upstairs bedrooms. Guy gets home and thinks he got robbed. Freaks out for a few minutes before going upstairs and realizing he got got.
We had one of those remote controlled fart machines
in our office and we would use it when a salesman would come by cold calling. It was hilarious watching them try to keep a straight face, while attempting to sell their products and ignore what was happening. We are all in a big room, so we would move it around to whoever wanted to be the "farter" for that day. So when a salesman was talking to me, the receptionist may be "sharting" right behind him. None of them ever just laughed and said "Damn!". It's amazing what people will do in weird situations.
Another good one is when you happen to call a wrong number and get voice mail of someone you don't have a clue who they are, leave them a message with a friends name and say something like "Listen up *******, you never sent me that damn money!" or "This is last time I'm calling you about what you did to my wife!" and leave your buddies first name and phone number. He'll get a damn call back from a pissed off person and he won't have a clue what is going on.
in our office and we would use it when a salesman would come by cold calling. It was hilarious watching them try to keep a straight face, while attempting to sell their products and ignore what was happening. We are all in a big room, so we would move it around to whoever wanted to be the "farter" for that day. So when a salesman was talking to me, the receptionist may be "sharting" right behind him. None of them ever just laughed and said "Damn!". It's amazing what people will do in weird situations.
Another good one is when you happen to call a wrong number and get voice mail of someone you don't have a clue who they are, leave them a message with a friends name and say something like "Listen up *******, you never sent me that damn money!" or "This is last time I'm calling you about what you did to my wife!" and leave your buddies first name and phone number. He'll get a damn call back from a pissed off person and he won't have a clue what is going on.
My best prank resulted in a marriage.
My college roommate and I had been playing back-and-forth pranks on a mutual friend from my hometown. (Let's call her "Sarah.") Mostly lame stuff--TPing cars, filling stuff with balloons, replacing regular light bulbs with red ones, etc. One day she recruits another mutual friend (let's call him "Andrew"), breaks into our apartment, and fills it--and i mean fills it--with silly string. Lame, yes, but we were cleaning that junk up for months.
The roommate and I decided to up the ante. We had been picking on Sarah and Andrew that they should date each other on account of both having red hair. Well, we craft a fake love note from Andrew to Sarah and leave it on her doorstep with a box of chocolates. We figured it would take her at most a couple of minutes to figure out it was really us. She did not figure it out. She calls me, gets me to come over to see the note, and asks what she should do. I crack up. She calls me an *******. Mission accomplished.
Within a month, Sarah and Andrew are actually dating. They've been married now going on seven years. You're welcome, y'all. We let you get by without naming your firstborn after us, but we expect you to show your gratitude with the second.
My college roommate and I had been playing back-and-forth pranks on a mutual friend from my hometown. (Let's call her "Sarah.") Mostly lame stuff--TPing cars, filling stuff with balloons, replacing regular light bulbs with red ones, etc. One day she recruits another mutual friend (let's call him "Andrew"), breaks into our apartment, and fills it--and i mean fills it--with silly string. Lame, yes, but we were cleaning that junk up for months.
The roommate and I decided to up the ante. We had been picking on Sarah and Andrew that they should date each other on account of both having red hair. Well, we craft a fake love note from Andrew to Sarah and leave it on her doorstep with a box of chocolates. We figured it would take her at most a couple of minutes to figure out it was really us. She did not figure it out. She calls me, gets me to come over to see the note, and asks what she should do. I crack up. She calls me an *******. Mission accomplished.
Within a month, Sarah and Andrew are actually dating. They've been married now going on seven years. You're welcome, y'all. We let you get by without naming your firstborn after us, but we expect you to show your gratitude with the second.
Some sorority girls water ballooned me one afternoon so I the payback I gave them was to pur those magnetic strips that set off theft alarms at Mitchell library in their backpacks. Needless to say, that was a fun couple of weeks.
This one time, at band camp....
...my friend had intentionally gotten my mouthpiece stuck in my trumpet (which is a real pain in the *** to unstick), so the next day while we were on break, I covered the inside of his mouthpiece with cayenne pepper and watched with glee as he fled the room shortly after we were off break.
Mouthpiece. Mouthpiece, mouthpiece, mouthpiece.
...my friend had intentionally gotten my mouthpiece stuck in my trumpet (which is a real pain in the *** to unstick), so the next day while we were on break, I covered the inside of his mouthpiece with cayenne pepper and watched with glee as he fled the room shortly after we were off break.
Mouthpiece. Mouthpiece, mouthpiece, mouthpiece.
My roommate had ordered MSU season tickets and a pair of tickets to the LSU game in BR. For several weeks he was expecting them, but they never showed. Then one day I checked the mail before he got home and there they were. So I took out everything in that envelope and typed up a letter from our very own Larry Templeton, using my fine PR skills I got along with my degree.
Mr. Templeton thanked him greatly for the generous contribution to MSU athletics, but unfortunately we had already issued all our tickets, including LSU tickets, to prior orders. He again thanked my roommate for the donation and in return, have some MSU schedules for himself and to share with others. (Salt in the wound)
I have never enjoyed a prank so much in my life. To see his reaction after reading his letter from Larry was delightful. He was really angry for a few hours. Once he started calling others and sharing his dislike of our University, I figured I better fess up.
Mr. Templeton thanked him greatly for the generous contribution to MSU athletics, but unfortunately we had already issued all our tickets, including LSU tickets, to prior orders. He again thanked my roommate for the donation and in return, have some MSU schedules for himself and to share with others. (Salt in the wound)
I have never enjoyed a prank so much in my life. To see his reaction after reading his letter from Larry was delightful. He was really angry for a few hours. Once he started calling others and sharing his dislike of our University, I figured I better fess up.
Myself and 3 other drunks took a roadtrip to NOLA to see the Dogs and Tulane play one weekend circa 1982 and catch a Saints preseason game the next day. As roadtrips require we started tipping the glasses eeeeearly that day. Dogs barely escaped the Wave, much Dome Foam was consumed and then we hit Bourbon. One of our 4 is hammered and we take him back to the Holiday Inn on Royal and dump him in bed. Early on Sunday morning we stagger back to the Holiday Inn and he is passed out stone cold. Somebody turns the tv on and a replay of the Dogs/Wave is on about 2 or 3 in the a.m. We draw the curtains closed, turn on the shower and start hollering at him "get your *** up MF'er, we overslept and look at the tv, the Saints are already playing. Drunk as he was he didn't even notice who was playing, that we hadn't changed clothes, nothing. We got him up put his shoes on him and we all started our trip to the Dome to "see the Saints play". He mumbled all the way down the hall, in the elevator and to the front door about how drunk he still felt, how hung over he was etc. He didn't catch on until we walked outside and saw the darkness and nearly empty street. He was pissed! Later that afternoon on the way back to 'Vegas after the Saints game and more drinking he is out cold again in the back seat and we all counted down 1,2,3, then all screamed as loud as we could, the driver swerved all over the road etc acting like we were wrecking, he was PISSED again.
I lived in Campus Trails back when they were University Commons. One of my roommates worked at Kroger and "borrowed" a roll of pallet wrap (think industrial strength Saran Wrap). About 2:00 one morning (and many beers later) we decided it would be a good idea to go out to our 3rd roommates vehicle and wrap it up so it would stay fresh. We were out there for nearly an hour wrapping his vehicle so that not one inch of it was spared. The next day me and my co-conspirator had an 8:00 class together and were walking back when we met the other roommate walking to class with a none too happy look on his face. He glanced our way long enough to call us two sorry no good mother 17ers and then kept on going.
The year before that we had a different roommate in there that was a Pike. A typical Pike. One morning I was up well before he was and took some 100 lbs test Spider Wire and ran it from his door knob to the kitchen table which is bolted to the floor about 10 times. He had to go to class that morning by climbing out his window.
The year before that we had a different roommate in there that was a Pike. A typical Pike. One morning I was up well before he was and took some 100 lbs test Spider Wire and ran it from his door knob to the kitchen table which is bolted to the floor about 10 times. He had to go to class that morning by climbing out his window.
In high school (long ago in a land far away), we had a prank a few of us would pull on unfavorable foes.
We would dump a couple of tubes of fishing crickets into someone's car or truck. Suspect usually wouldn't notice it immediately. But soon enough. Usually was within sight. Pretty damn funny watching them trying to catch all of the crickets usually cussing at the same time.
Had it done to me once. It is truly a ***** trying to get 100+ crickets out of an old mustang with black interior.
We would dump a couple of tubes of fishing crickets into someone's car or truck. Suspect usually wouldn't notice it immediately. But soon enough. Usually was within sight. Pretty damn funny watching them trying to catch all of the crickets usually cussing at the same time.
Had it done to me once. It is truly a ***** trying to get 100+ crickets out of an old mustang with black interior.
Went to a car lot and told them I was really interested in buying a corvette.
Even took it for a test ride. I really talked it up about buying it and when they asked me my name I gave them the name and number of one of my buddies. He called me a few days later and said, "hey *******, test drove any corvettes lately". I about hit the damn floor.
He did however get me back. I was in Toronto on a business trip. My cell phone was ringing off the damn hook (incurring international roaming charges). The ******* had put an ad in tradwinds magazine advertising 50 lb bags of corn (right at the beginning of deer season) for $3.00/bag. I finally had to just cut the phone off.
Not to worry, he had baby chicks right before Easter and I later had some superbowl tickets for sale at a really bargain price.
Even took it for a test ride. I really talked it up about buying it and when they asked me my name I gave them the name and number of one of my buddies. He called me a few days later and said, "hey *******, test drove any corvettes lately". I about hit the damn floor.
He did however get me back. I was in Toronto on a business trip. My cell phone was ringing off the damn hook (incurring international roaming charges). The ******* had put an ad in tradwinds magazine advertising 50 lb bags of corn (right at the beginning of deer season) for $3.00/bag. I finally had to just cut the phone off.
Not to worry, he had baby chicks right before Easter and I later had some superbowl tickets for sale at a really bargain price.
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IRS prank............
A friend of mine really pushed the envelope when he filed taxes. He always bragged about how clever he was. One year he was particularly proud of his refund so I decided a lesson in humility was in order. My secretary at the time had the most professional no accent voice you'd ever hear. I got her to call him to schedule his IRS audit. It was quite funny listening to him panic and stammer. It was even funnier when I went to visit that evening and he was busy getting his documents in order. He hated me and loved me when I told him it was joke.
A friend of mine really pushed the envelope when he filed taxes. He always bragged about how clever he was. One year he was particularly proud of his refund so I decided a lesson in humility was in order. My secretary at the time had the most professional no accent voice you'd ever hear. I got her to call him to schedule his IRS audit. It was quite funny listening to him panic and stammer. It was even funnier when I went to visit that evening and he was busy getting his documents in order. He hated me and loved me when I told him it was joke.
My brother and I did this to his roommate, a philosophy and religion student at Millsaps who we nicknamed "clueless John". We called him clueless John because he did things like attempt to lite the floor furnace in the house (the pilot light didn't work) by standing back a safe distance, turning on the gas, and throwing matches into the floor register. Usually about the second box, you would hear the KAWHOOM as the thing lit.
Anyway, John owned a late 70's corolla wagon that he always parked on the street in front of the house, with the drivers side door opening up to the entry walk to the house. One night, my brother and I bought a skin magazine and taped the pictures to the back hatch, and completely covered the passenger side of the car. John goes out in the morning, climbs in to his car and away he goes. As he's going down I55, he get's all kind of funny looks, people are giving him high fives and flipping him the bird, etc. He gets to school and as he is parking, a female student is parking in the spot to his left. She turns to him and says "so I guess you think you're a big man don't you!" and walks off in a huff. John is still clueless. He gets back to the house and tells us all this, still wondering what is going on. He wasn't happy about it when we let him in on the joke.
Anyway, John owned a late 70's corolla wagon that he always parked on the street in front of the house, with the drivers side door opening up to the entry walk to the house. One night, my brother and I bought a skin magazine and taped the pictures to the back hatch, and completely covered the passenger side of the car. John goes out in the morning, climbs in to his car and away he goes. As he's going down I55, he get's all kind of funny looks, people are giving him high fives and flipping him the bird, etc. He gets to school and as he is parking, a female student is parking in the spot to his left. She turns to him and says "so I guess you think you're a big man don't you!" and walks off in a huff. John is still clueless. He gets back to the house and tells us all this, still wondering what is going on. He wasn't happy about it when we let him in on the joke.
Since I don't hunt, I've never had the opportunity to do this... but those online pictures of people taking deer cam videos and photoshopping in mystical creatures are hilarious. I've seriously thought about joining some buddies on a couple season prep trips through the woods just so I could do that to them.
I'm not much of a prankster, so this story will probably sound lame, but whatever.
I put a small sticky note on the bottom of a coworkers mouse one evening before I left. You know, one of the modern optical pointers, not the old school ball. Anyways, I added a nice note: "Good morning, [Redacted]!"
Came in the next morning and he struggled with it for about a half hour. Unplugging the USB cable, then plugging it back in. Restarted his PC. Updated drivers. The works. Finally he picked it up out of frustration and saw my handiwork.
I put a small sticky note on the bottom of a coworkers mouse one evening before I left. You know, one of the modern optical pointers, not the old school ball. Anyways, I added a nice note: "Good morning, [Redacted]!"
Came in the next morning and he struggled with it for about a half hour. Unplugging the USB cable, then plugging it back in. Restarted his PC. Updated drivers. The works. Finally he picked it up out of frustration and saw my handiwork.
Reminds me: one of my classmates in HS drove an old Jeep (CJ-8, I think). Anyways, it would start without the key in the ignition. A few of us found that out and used to move it across the parking lot, or around back to the teacher's parking lot.
Many years ago when I was working in a sales and distribution office
Most of the time sales reps would come into the office first thing in the morning, head out for sales calls, then return to the office late afternoon (beers were OK after 4:30). Fridays were a little different, as it was next to impossible to schedule a legit customer call after noon, so some reps headed home (if their sales numbers were in great shape), most headed back to the office to catch up on paperwork and plan the next week. On Fridays beers were OK after about 3:00.
We had a new sales rep who was out pounding the pavement all Friday afternoon, we got into the beers a little early, so it was prank the new guy time.
In the back was one of those heavy-duty shrink-wrap machines. So we proceeded to shrink-wrap everything on top of his desk and in his top desk drawers. His phone, stapler, notepad, pens, his keyboard, coffee cup, calendar ... everything.
When he finally came in, the look on his face was priceless. Being well into the beers, after about 5 seconds we're rolling with laughter and he sheepishly begins to join in.
Most of the time sales reps would come into the office first thing in the morning, head out for sales calls, then return to the office late afternoon (beers were OK after 4:30). Fridays were a little different, as it was next to impossible to schedule a legit customer call after noon, so some reps headed home (if their sales numbers were in great shape), most headed back to the office to catch up on paperwork and plan the next week. On Fridays beers were OK after about 3:00.
We had a new sales rep who was out pounding the pavement all Friday afternoon, we got into the beers a little early, so it was prank the new guy time.
In the back was one of those heavy-duty shrink-wrap machines. So we proceeded to shrink-wrap everything on top of his desk and in his top desk drawers. His phone, stapler, notepad, pens, his keyboard, coffee cup, calendar ... everything.
When he finally came in, the look on his face was priceless. Being well into the beers, after about 5 seconds we're rolling with laughter and he sheepishly begins to join in.
Take several long zip ties, tie them around the drive shaft of one of your bud's cars and enjoy the show. When the loose ends of the zip ties begin to slap the bottom side of the vehicle they'll think everything is coming apart. I've done this about 10 or 11 times and its pretty fun if you can stick around to watch or ride behind them in a separate vehicle.
I don't know if this counts as a prank per se, but . . .
One afternoon when I was a freshman living in Stockard (the 12-story Ole Miss freshman dorm), my roommate (“Rufus”) and I noticed that the lone lightbulb in one of the two elevators was exposed. After a brief deliberation, we determined the proper course of action would be for Rufus to poop into a paper bag, knock out the lightbulb with a hammer, place the bagged poop on the elevator floor, and then ride on the dark elevator to gauge the reaction. A social experiment, if you will. So Rufus pooped in a paper bag.
(Here I should pause to note that adult human poop, neither constrained nor diluted by the forces of water, is a remarkably foul-smelling creature. And this was no ordinary poop, friends. Rufus laid one down for posterity that day; it was the size of a rabbit, the consistency of peanut butter, and gave off an overpowering bouquet of the prior night’s Taco Bell, with subtle undertones of Natural Light.)
I then took a hammer, waited for an opportune moment, knocked out the lightbulb, and Rufus tossed the bagged poop onto the elevator floor with a sickening plop. Then we boarded the dark elevator (I standing in one back corner and he in the other) and the doors closed.
Fact: An elevator with no light is the darkest place on earth. I mean there was no light at all (there were no fancy illuminated buttons), just pitch darkness and the overwhelming aroma of poop. As the elevator descended to the ground floor, I found myself fighting off panic and dry heaves. In the dark the poop odor became its own physical entity. I could feel its very presence in the air. It was terrifying.
So we arrived at the ground floor, and the doors opened to a small crowd of fellow students waiting on an elevator. Some were reluctant to enter the dark elevator. But five brave souls (two females) came on board. The doors closed (before the doors shut there was just enough light to select a floor button), and there were a couple of moments of nervous laughter from our co-passengers in the dark before the poop odor registered.
And then . . . pandemonium. Panicked sounds of gagging, retching, dry heaving between choked screams of WHAT THE 17!! and WHYYYY!!? and assorted obscenities. Time stood still. One girl vomited loudly and then began whimpering. Above the din I heard the muffled sounds of Rufus trying to suppress his laughter, but then the dam burst and he began cackling uncontrollably, maniacally, like demonic elevator music, he unfazed by the wretched stench of his own feces.
Then began a mad dash by our fellow travelers to press a button to stop the elevator at the next floor, but this had the unfortunate effect of causing one poor soul to step on the bagged poop, bursting the bag, spilling its contents (as we would learn later), and intensifying the odor. This was all in pitch darkness, mind you, but it became apparent from the chaos and the trajectory of their voices that one or more of our co-passengers were on the elevator floor groping, struggling to reach the door and the bank of buttons. And still Rufus laughed, nearly hyperventilating by the sound of it. I reached my breaking point and began to laugh uncontrollably, but this had the unfortunate effect of forcing me to draw air through my nose, triggering waves of nausea and dry heaves.
Mercifully the elevator finally came to a stop on the sixth floor and everyone but Rufus rushed out. (Even when breathing through my mouth, I swear I could taste the poop in the air and I could take it no longer.) As the doors closed behind me, I looked at the others, my eyes watering, struggling to catch my breath. They were smeared with poop and a dash of vomit and were looking at one another wild-eyed, bewildered, trying to make sense of the 30 seconds of poop-induced terror they had just endured, while Rufus’ maniacal cackling rose up the elevator shaft. Slowly they turned and looked at me, perhaps noticing that I alone had emerged from this sordid affair unsullied. I pointed in the direction of the elevator: “I - I - I think there’s something wrong with that elevator,” I stuttered before making my escape down the stairwell.
The next day I noticed the lightbulb housing was fixed, so I like to think we did some good that day.
One afternoon when I was a freshman living in Stockard (the 12-story Ole Miss freshman dorm), my roommate (“Rufus”) and I noticed that the lone lightbulb in one of the two elevators was exposed. After a brief deliberation, we determined the proper course of action would be for Rufus to poop into a paper bag, knock out the lightbulb with a hammer, place the bagged poop on the elevator floor, and then ride on the dark elevator to gauge the reaction. A social experiment, if you will. So Rufus pooped in a paper bag.
(Here I should pause to note that adult human poop, neither constrained nor diluted by the forces of water, is a remarkably foul-smelling creature. And this was no ordinary poop, friends. Rufus laid one down for posterity that day; it was the size of a rabbit, the consistency of peanut butter, and gave off an overpowering bouquet of the prior night’s Taco Bell, with subtle undertones of Natural Light.)
I then took a hammer, waited for an opportune moment, knocked out the lightbulb, and Rufus tossed the bagged poop onto the elevator floor with a sickening plop. Then we boarded the dark elevator (I standing in one back corner and he in the other) and the doors closed.
Fact: An elevator with no light is the darkest place on earth. I mean there was no light at all (there were no fancy illuminated buttons), just pitch darkness and the overwhelming aroma of poop. As the elevator descended to the ground floor, I found myself fighting off panic and dry heaves. In the dark the poop odor became its own physical entity. I could feel its very presence in the air. It was terrifying.
So we arrived at the ground floor, and the doors opened to a small crowd of fellow students waiting on an elevator. Some were reluctant to enter the dark elevator. But five brave souls (two females) came on board. The doors closed (before the doors shut there was just enough light to select a floor button), and there were a couple of moments of nervous laughter from our co-passengers in the dark before the poop odor registered.
And then . . . pandemonium. Panicked sounds of gagging, retching, dry heaving between choked screams of WHAT THE 17!! and WHYYYY!!? and assorted obscenities. Time stood still. One girl vomited loudly and then began whimpering. Above the din I heard the muffled sounds of Rufus trying to suppress his laughter, but then the dam burst and he began cackling uncontrollably, maniacally, like demonic elevator music, he unfazed by the wretched stench of his own feces.
Then began a mad dash by our fellow travelers to press a button to stop the elevator at the next floor, but this had the unfortunate effect of causing one poor soul to step on the bagged poop, bursting the bag, spilling its contents (as we would learn later), and intensifying the odor. This was all in pitch darkness, mind you, but it became apparent from the chaos and the trajectory of their voices that one or more of our co-passengers were on the elevator floor groping, struggling to reach the door and the bank of buttons. And still Rufus laughed, nearly hyperventilating by the sound of it. I reached my breaking point and began to laugh uncontrollably, but this had the unfortunate effect of forcing me to draw air through my nose, triggering waves of nausea and dry heaves.
Mercifully the elevator finally came to a stop on the sixth floor and everyone but Rufus rushed out. (Even when breathing through my mouth, I swear I could taste the poop in the air and I could take it no longer.) As the doors closed behind me, I looked at the others, my eyes watering, struggling to catch my breath. They were smeared with poop and a dash of vomit and were looking at one another wild-eyed, bewildered, trying to make sense of the 30 seconds of poop-induced terror they had just endured, while Rufus’ maniacal cackling rose up the elevator shaft. Slowly they turned and looked at me, perhaps noticing that I alone had emerged from this sordid affair unsullied. I pointed in the direction of the elevator: “I - I - I think there’s something wrong with that elevator,” I stuttered before making my escape down the stairwell.
The next day I noticed the lightbulb housing was fixed, so I like to think we did some good that day.
When I was a kid, I looked in the phone book for two people who were neighbors to prank. The letter W is very useful. After finding two, I called one, who ended up being an elderly lady. After introducing myself as the neighbor, we had a nice chit chat for a while. She reminded me that I needed to be in church more often, and I promised that I would be better in the future.
She then brought up a neighbor who had died recently, and we commiserated about the loss. She asked if I was going to the funeral, and I quickly offered to drive her there.
I sure hope she made it.
She then brought up a neighbor who had died recently, and we commiserated about the loss. She asked if I was going to the funeral, and I quickly offered to drive her there.
I sure hope she made it.
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Simple dorm prank we used a few times
Some of you have probably heard of it.
We would get a jumbo size manila mailing envelope and fill it very full of shaving cream.
Wait for the target room to turn their lights off. Slide the open end of the envelope under their door. Knock loudly on the door and mumble something. Wait 2-3 seconds and stomp the envelope. Then haul ***.
Proper filling and stomping technique would spray most of the room with shaving cream and with a little luck cover one of the occupants from the waist down.
BTW, one year in a dorm was enough for me. It was apartments or houses thereafter.
Some of you have probably heard of it.
We would get a jumbo size manila mailing envelope and fill it very full of shaving cream.
Wait for the target room to turn their lights off. Slide the open end of the envelope under their door. Knock loudly on the door and mumble something. Wait 2-3 seconds and stomp the envelope. Then haul ***.
Proper filling and stomping technique would spray most of the room with shaving cream and with a little luck cover one of the occupants from the waist down.
BTW, one year in a dorm was enough for me. It was apartments or houses thereafter.
Somewhat similarly, we would fill one of the large dorm floor garbage cans with water and lean it against someone's dorm room door, then knock and hide. When the door was opened inward, the garbage can toppled over and water flooded the dorm room. This was actually pretty destructive, sometimes ruining carpets and electronics.
How dare you question the veracity of my poop story. Here's another one (shorter, but also true):
One late Saturday afternoon in the spring a few of us were sitting around the dorm room boozing. This was one of those weekends when one of the big fraternities had its annual all-day spring party, so they had a bunch of high school rushees in town staying in the dorm. At one point I went down the hall to the bathroom to take a leak and noticed a pair of bright blue jogging shoes under the stall - someone taking a dump. I went back to the room and didn't think anything else about it. An hour or so later I returned to the bathroom for another leak and saw the same pair of shoes in the same stall. Suspicious, I peeked over the top of the stall. A high school kid had passed out taking a dump, pants down, with his head between his knees. I did what any concerned freshman would do. I went and got my buddies, we filled up a pitcher of cold water, and then we all looked over the top of the stall as I dumped it on him. He bolted up and immediately fell face-first into the stall door due to his pants being around his ankles. We laughed and laughed.
One late Saturday afternoon in the spring a few of us were sitting around the dorm room boozing. This was one of those weekends when one of the big fraternities had its annual all-day spring party, so they had a bunch of high school rushees in town staying in the dorm. At one point I went down the hall to the bathroom to take a leak and noticed a pair of bright blue jogging shoes under the stall - someone taking a dump. I went back to the room and didn't think anything else about it. An hour or so later I returned to the bathroom for another leak and saw the same pair of shoes in the same stall. Suspicious, I peeked over the top of the stall. A high school kid had passed out taking a dump, pants down, with his head between his knees. I did what any concerned freshman would do. I went and got my buddies, we filled up a pitcher of cold water, and then we all looked over the top of the stall as I dumped it on him. He bolted up and immediately fell face-first into the stall door due to his pants being around his ankles. We laughed and laughed.
Friend of mine came for a visit and to hang out with me and my band. Well one of my bandmates took a dump in a plate and put it under my friends seat in his car. My friend left to go back home and noticed a smell on his drive back. First he thought maybe he stepped in something so he checked his shoes and found nothing. So then he thought maybe he ran over something. He couldn't figure it out. It was in the middle of summer and about a week goes by and the smell keeps getting worse. His gf even tried to help figure it out. Well he decided to clean out his car and it was then that he found the plate of human poopy. He said he about threw up.
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I graduated high school back in the 90's, about the time the concept of advertising medicine hit the airwaves. We were sitting around the apartment in Oxford one day and a Valtrax (sp?) commercial came and how it could control genital herpes. It had a phone number to call and sign up for some info to be mailed out. We had a friend who flunked out at Christmas and moved back home to the coast. We called and requested info be sent to him via his parent's address. We didn't hear a thing for months and frankly forgot about it.
Fast forward to the following July. We were home for the summer and were sitting around at a buddy's camp one day drinking beer. Out of no where, the flunkie's cell phone (actually an old bag phone) rings and he asked us to tone it down - that it was his mom and he was supposed to be at work. Three seconds into the phone call he screams into the phone - "Mom! I told you I don't have herpes and I'm not requesting the info to be sent to me every month! Quit asking me!" It all came rushing back we had done it and we fell out on the floor laughing. Needless to say, he wasn't a happy camper and realized we had done it. We didn't see him the rest of the summer - his parents sent him to work offshore for a while as punishment for skipping work multiple times.
Weird thing is he still works there and makes more money than all of us with college degrees.
Fast forward to the following July. We were home for the summer and were sitting around at a buddy's camp one day drinking beer. Out of no where, the flunkie's cell phone (actually an old bag phone) rings and he asked us to tone it down - that it was his mom and he was supposed to be at work. Three seconds into the phone call he screams into the phone - "Mom! I told you I don't have herpes and I'm not requesting the info to be sent to me every month! Quit asking me!" It all came rushing back we had done it and we fell out on the floor laughing. Needless to say, he wasn't a happy camper and realized we had done it. We didn't see him the rest of the summer - his parents sent him to work offshore for a while as punishment for skipping work multiple times.
Weird thing is he still works there and makes more money than all of us with college degrees.
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My last semester at State, every Wednesday my roommate's girlfriend would come over to watch South Park. We lived on the 2nd floor of these two story apartments, and we were right by the stairs, so we could hear anybody running up the stairs. I happened to be walking toward the kitchen one week when I heard her coming up, so I went behind the door, and when she opened it, I smacked the back of the door hard with my hand and immediately fell to the floor, writhing and moaning and holding my head. She was horrified and was down on the floor leaned over checking on me, thinking I've been grievously wounded, trying to make sure I'm okay, while my roommate, her boyfriend, was laughing his *** off on the couch. I was able to sell it long enough for her to start getting mad at my roommate for not being more concerned that his roommate was hurt.
Fifteen years later, she still gets a little bit mad when it is brought up.
Fifteen years later, she still gets a little bit mad when it is brought up.
Prank 1: Remove wife's deoderant stick from its dispenser, replace with cream cheese and shape to form. Wait till she uses.
Prank 2: Remove shower head, fill shower head with red (or choice of color/flavor) kool aid powder, replace shower head.
Prank 2: Remove shower head, fill shower head with red (or choice of color/flavor) kool aid powder, replace shower head.