If Hepner verbally went overboard, the ref has a lot of latitude to penalize wrestler and team. If ref can not control their own reactions, then it is time to find another profession.
The rules should be symmetrical...Ref should only be allowed to do what the Wrestler can do to him/her. If Hepner did that exact strike/shove to the ref, major repercussions would ensue. So the same should be true in reverse.
Separate subject and tangent: I also think fake tough guy coaches (Bobby Knight / Tim Rice) would act a lot differently toward their athletes if the athletes could defend themselves and return the physical abuse the coaches committed regularly. Really tough of them to hide behind threat of athletes losing their scholarships. Imagine a 6'10" guy throwing a basketball at Knight/Rice's faces or shoving them?
I find it ironic that there seems to be more fake tough guy coaches in basketball than in full contact sports like rugby & wrestling.