Why Our Opponent Sucks: Auburn

615dawg

All-Conference
Jun 4, 2007
6,527
3,384
113
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Cowbells.</span> Imagine if you will.
Your team has defeated a conference rival 10 straight years, by an
average of over three
touchdowns. Four of the last eight years, your conference rival has not
scored a touchdown on you. You are regularly competing for conference
championships,
your conference rival is just trying not to finish last place. You go on
the road and need a late touchdown to pull off a 24-20 victory in a
season where your
conference rival makes a bowl game. What do you do?

If you are Auburn and your conference rival is Mississippi State, the answer is simple. You ***** about cowbells.

Yep, Shug Jordan, whose '74 team went on to finish second in the SEC,
could not bare that his vastly superior team needed a late score to
knock off lowly
Mississippi State, so he made a huge deal out of the cowbells. IHe made
such a big deal that during the offseason, the SEC banned cowbells, and it resulted in
26 years of failed enforcement, on-field penalties, having to hide
cowbells upon entering the stadium and ridicule from opposing fans on
how every home game we
win its because of cowbells.
Now that cowbells have come back, ring a little louder Thursday night, because it all started with Shug Jordan and Auburn, 26 years ago.

<span style="font-weight: bold;">Cameron Newton.</span> The rented mule himself. Look, there is no reason to be bitter about a program coming off a bowl game beating us out for a coveted recruit. However this is different. Newton himself wanted to come to State and play for Mullen. He said it. He rang a cowbell (possibly stolen) at the Egg Bowl. He's tossing the ball to our receivers - he's coming to State. Then all of a sudden, a rumor pops up that he might be interested in Auburn, and eventually signs with them citing "I wanted to be closer to home."

Bull. ****.

The guy went to Florida before he became a laptop theif, then transferred to Texas to play JUCO ball. He has no interest in being close to home. If he did, why didn't he seek out Georgia (they were in need of a QB) or Georgia Tech (could you imagine him in that offense, they'd win the national championship). Three words on why he signed with Auburn.

Cold. Hard. Cash.

Yep, but you see, Auburn isn't stupid. They didn't just give the kid or his pimp of a father a bag of cash a la Melvin. Let me tell you a little about Mr. Cecil Newton. He pastors a BLT church for one thing, but more important to this story is that he owns a small trucking company. Small as in local runs, just a couple of drivers. Cecil's trucking company has grown exponentially in 2010, geared by several new contracts in Alabama and Georgia. Of course 2010 has been a great year for the economy, so that probably explains it. So I guess its alright since technically Auburn University has nothing to do with it.
<br style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wannabe Alabama fans. </span>Yep, I said it. Your fans have the ultimate penis envy.

You tried to run off a coach a year before he went 13 and
freaking 0 in the SEC. How many times has this been done? Three? Tommy
Tuberville will
probably go down as one of the top 10 coaches in SEC history and you
tried to run him off with booster-funded flights and threats with no
real backbone.
Then you hire Gene Chizik, who went 5-19 in two years at Iowa State. "but, but Iowa State doesn't have the talent ... " Funny how the Cyclones were one game from the Big 12 title game the year after he left. I think what you mean is "Iowa State doesn't have the <span style="font-style: italic;">resources</span> that Auburn has."

Additionally, The vast majority of Auburn fans do not feel that we are a threat. Never mind that Vegas has this game at a 1.5-point spread. Never mind that you are playing on a road in the SEC (where you were horrible last year). Never mind that the atmosphere of this Thursday night game in Starkville is going to be electric. Never mind that our coach has coached your star player for longer than your coach has.

If you scan the Auburn boards, its things like 3 TDs at least, we'll shut them out, We'll score 60 on them, etc. Do you realize that you played a Sun Belt team last week? Do you realize that you played a 4-8 Sun Belt team last week (which is probably a wash against a 2-10 C-USA team). Do you realize that you gave up 26 points to said team and the game was in doubt in the third quarter? Auburn did nothing to make me think they will beat us, much less blow us out. They may beat us, but they will be in for the ride of their lives.

Good thing they rented that mule.
 

615dawg

All-Conference
Jun 4, 2007
6,527
3,384
113
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Cowbells.</span> Imagine if you will.
Your team has defeated a conference rival 10 straight years, by an
average of over three
touchdowns. Four of the last eight years, your conference rival has not
scored a touchdown on you. You are regularly competing for conference
championships,
your conference rival is just trying not to finish last place. You go on
the road and need a late touchdown to pull off a 24-20 victory in a
season where your
conference rival makes a bowl game. What do you do?

If you are Auburn and your conference rival is Mississippi State, the answer is simple. You ***** about cowbells.

Yep, Shug Jordan, whose '74 team went on to finish second in the SEC,
could not bare that his vastly superior team needed a late score to
knock off lowly
Mississippi State, so he made a huge deal out of the cowbells. IHe made
such a big deal that during the offseason, the SEC banned cowbells, and it resulted in
26 years of failed enforcement, on-field penalties, having to hide
cowbells upon entering the stadium and ridicule from opposing fans on
how every home game we
win its because of cowbells.
Now that cowbells have come back, ring a little louder Thursday night, because it all started with Shug Jordan and Auburn, 26 years ago.

<span style="font-weight: bold;">Cameron Newton.</span> The rented mule himself. Look, there is no reason to be bitter about a program coming off a bowl game beating us out for a coveted recruit. However this is different. Newton himself wanted to come to State and play for Mullen. He said it. He rang a cowbell (possibly stolen) at the Egg Bowl. He's tossing the ball to our receivers - he's coming to State. Then all of a sudden, a rumor pops up that he might be interested in Auburn, and eventually signs with them citing "I wanted to be closer to home."

Bull. ****.

The guy went to Florida before he became a laptop theif, then transferred to Texas to play JUCO ball. He has no interest in being close to home. If he did, why didn't he seek out Georgia (they were in need of a QB) or Georgia Tech (could you imagine him in that offense, they'd win the national championship). Three words on why he signed with Auburn.

Cold. Hard. Cash.

Yep, but you see, Auburn isn't stupid. They didn't just give the kid or his pimp of a father a bag of cash a la Melvin. Let me tell you a little about Mr. Cecil Newton. He pastors a BLT church for one thing, but more important to this story is that he owns a small trucking company. Small as in local runs, just a couple of drivers. Cecil's trucking company has grown exponentially in 2010, geared by several new contracts in Alabama and Georgia. Of course 2010 has been a great year for the economy, so that probably explains it. So I guess its alright since technically Auburn University has nothing to do with it.
<br style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wannabe Alabama fans. </span>Yep, I said it. Your fans have the ultimate penis envy.

You tried to run off a coach a year before he went 13 and
freaking 0 in the SEC. How many times has this been done? Three? Tommy
Tuberville will
probably go down as one of the top 10 coaches in SEC history and you
tried to run him off with booster-funded flights and threats with no
real backbone.
Then you hire Gene Chizik, who went 5-19 in two years at Iowa State. "but, but Iowa State doesn't have the talent ... " Funny how the Cyclones were one game from the Big 12 title game the year after he left. I think what you mean is "Iowa State doesn't have the <span style="font-style: italic;">resources</span> that Auburn has."

Additionally, The vast majority of Auburn fans do not feel that we are a threat. Never mind that Vegas has this game at a 1.5-point spread. Never mind that you are playing on a road in the SEC (where you were horrible last year). Never mind that the atmosphere of this Thursday night game in Starkville is going to be electric. Never mind that our coach has coached your star player for longer than your coach has.

If you scan the Auburn boards, its things like 3 TDs at least, we'll shut them out, We'll score 60 on them, etc. Do you realize that you played a Sun Belt team last week? Do you realize that you played a 4-8 Sun Belt team last week (which is probably a wash against a 2-10 C-USA team). Do you realize that you gave up 26 points to said team and the game was in doubt in the third quarter? Auburn did nothing to make me think they will beat us, much less blow us out. They may beat us, but they will be in for the ride of their lives.

Good thing they rented that mule.
 

BigMotherTucker

Sophomore
Aug 20, 2006
6,760
114
63
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Shmuley

Heisman
Mar 6, 2008
23,713
10,282
113
"Yep, Shug Jordan, whose '74 team went on to finish second in the SEC... / ... because it all started with Shug Jordan and Auburn, 26 years ago."

Having asshattedly pointed that out, let me hasten to say that your post is excellent.
 

FISHDAWG

Redshirt
Dec 27, 2009
2,077
0
36
well stated ... I am hoping the players will have a little "extra" motivation given the way newton ditched us ... I'm afraid however that one game (no matter who it was ) does not determine the teams ability, but I like your rationale
 

DirtyLopez

Redshirt
Feb 26, 2008
1,417
0
0
I didn't know that Cecil "the pimp" is a BLT pastor in addition to being a pimp. More proof that the sonofabitch is a crook. And the trucking business is news to me as well. Very informative post.
 

615dawg

All-Conference
Jun 4, 2007
6,527
3,384
113
Auburn fans, don't forget to pay your tithes to Cecil, or something to that affect.
 

FlabLoser

Redshirt
Aug 20, 2006
10,709
0
0
DirtyLopez said:
I didn't know that Cecil "the pimp" is a BLT pastor in addition to being a pimp. More proof that the sonofabitch is a crook. And the trucking business is news to me as well. Very informative post.
I don't know. So I did this - http://lmgtfy.com/?q=blt+pastor

and was lead full circle. Check out the first link!
 

Nugdawg

Senior
Mar 3, 2008
744
701
93
this from the link DS posted on the BLT church, I suddenly had flashbacks to Damon Wayans in In Living Color where he uses big words that make no sense. One of the best skits ever. "The annunciation of the proclamation...of the dictation distributes an equilibrium for the constipation...no make that the consolation..." You get the point.

Black liberation theology maintains that <font color="#0645ad">African Americans</font> must be liberated from multiple forms of bondage — social, political, economic and religious. This formulation views <font color="#0645ad">Christian theology</font> as a <font color="#0645ad">theology of liberation</font> -- "a rational study of the being of God in the world in light of the existential situation of an oppressed community, relating the forces of liberation to the essence of the <font color="#0645ad">Gospel</font>, which is <font color="#0645ad">Jesus Christ</font>," writes <font color="#0645ad">James Hal Cone</font>.
 

davatron

Redshirt
May 28, 2007
892
0
0
What's your source for the info on trucking company? At least tell us that you talked to someone in the know.