Woot Off going on **
- Thread starter Bdog9090
- Start date
<h3>Day 1: “OK, just this once, just for tonight, you can sleep in the
Carnival Ball Zone. But tomorrow night it’s back to your bed, got it?”</h3><div class="writeUp">
Day 2: “All right, if you don’t stay up
all night playing the Monkey Toss, Duck Pitching, and Elephant Dart
games, you can sleep in there again. But no more after tonight.”</p>
Day 4: “Fine. I can’t take the crying any more. Go sleep on those 50
plastic balls. But when your back aches in the morning, don’t come
crying to me.”</p>
Day 9: “Oh, did you have an accident? It’s OK. This polyester wipes
right off.”</p>
Day 17: “I know you really like it, but it’s just not where a big boy
like you should be sleeping. Don’t you want to be a big- OK, OK, don’t
start the tantrum again. You can sleep in the Carnival Ball Zone.
Again.”</p>
Day 28: “Why don’t we just put your bed on Craigslist?”</p>
Day 47: “No, my mind is made up. I’ve tried and tried, but I just
can’t be with a 38-year-old man who insists on sleeping in a
circus-themed ball pit. Have a nice life. And don’t ever call me again.”</p></div>
Describes any episode of "The Office"
http://www.woot.com/Blog/ViewEntry.aspx?Id=12571
I like the British version better.</p>
Cue theme music. Roll footage of small town in Pennsylvania. Cut to paper company offices.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Listen up everybody! Gather round, and witness the limit-…the non-limits I am willing to go to for you, my loyal employees.</p>
<span class="caps">HEARTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span> smirks directly at the camera.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span> exchanges knowing glances with <span class="caps">OTHER BELEAGUERED EMPLOYEES</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span> pulls away a tablecloth revealing a Cuisinart Brew Central 12-Cup Coffee Maker.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Ta-da!</p>
<span class="caps">NUTBALL SUCK</span>-UP
My god. It’s beautiful.</p>
<span class="caps">DITZY INDIAN GIRL</span>
What was wrong with the old coffee maker?</p>
<span class="caps">ADORABLY</span>-DEPRESSED <span class="caps">BLACK GUY</span>
Nothing.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Not true. That’s not true. That old coffee maker didn’t make lattes or cappuccinos.</p>
<span class="caps">DITZY INDIAN GIRL</span>
It didn’t?</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview.</p>
<span class="caps">DITZY INDIAN GIRL</span>
What have I been drinking this whole time?</p>
<span class="caps">CUT BACK</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">HEARTTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span>
Michael, this machine doesn’t make any of those things either.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Don’t be negative. Now, I will show you how this works.</p>
<span class="caps">CREEPY BALD FAT GUY</span>
I’m going back to my desk now.</p>
<span class="caps">SHRILL TINY CAT</span>-LADY
Michael we all put in money for that old coffee maker!</p>
<span class="caps">NUTBALL SUCK</span>-UP
Everyone pay attention! Michael is about to impart some wisdom on this new piece of equipment!</p>
<span class="caps">HEARTTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span> makes a duck face and winks as the camera.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview</p>
<span class="caps">NUTBALL SUCK</span>-UP
Very early in life boys in my family are taught that you must know your
enemy, which in this case means all machinery you use on the farm, for
if given half a chance it will kill you. Once a boy can successfully
navigate the gauntlet of combine blades, he is proclaimed a man.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT BACK</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Now this thing has a lot of different bells and whistles, let’s see, okay here’s the manual. Well I’ll just throw that away.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span>
Does it have a light that lets you know it’s time to clean it? So maybe someone else will finally clean it?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Yes! Yes it does! Good eye, Pam!</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span>
It doesn’t matter. No one’s ever going to clean that thing if I don’t.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT BACK</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">GAY LATINO EMPLOYEE</span>
Can you program it to turn on at a certain time?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Yes, but that would be really dumb because why would you want it to
make coffee later if you’re standing at the coffee maker. Come on
people, let’s take this seriously.</p>
<span class="caps">SHRILL TINY CAT</span>-LADY
Does it at least have an automatic shut-off for safety?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Of course!</p>
<span class="caps">ADORABLY</span>-DEPRESSED <span class="caps">BLACK GUY</span>
Michael. Is that a refurbished unit?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Absolutely! Our last coffee maker was not nearly as furbished as this,
and when I saw that there were models available REfurbished, for much
cheaper I might add, I pounced. Because that’s what leaders do.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span>
It still doesn’t make lattes or cappuccinos.</p>
Employees file out of the room, disgusted. <span class="caps">HEARTTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span> smiles smugly at the camera.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Part of being a good boss means knowing when to give your employees a
little something new, like a coffee maker, but then taking it back to
buy the same one you used to have. Because that teaches them that what
they have could be taken away at any time. And then given back.</p>
http://www.woot.com/Blog/ViewEntry.aspx?Id=12571
I like the British version better.</p>
Cue theme music. Roll footage of small town in Pennsylvania. Cut to paper company offices.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Listen up everybody! Gather round, and witness the limit-…the non-limits I am willing to go to for you, my loyal employees.</p>
<span class="caps">HEARTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span> smirks directly at the camera.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span> exchanges knowing glances with <span class="caps">OTHER BELEAGUERED EMPLOYEES</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span> pulls away a tablecloth revealing a Cuisinart Brew Central 12-Cup Coffee Maker.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Ta-da!</p>
<span class="caps">NUTBALL SUCK</span>-UP
My god. It’s beautiful.</p>
<span class="caps">DITZY INDIAN GIRL</span>
What was wrong with the old coffee maker?</p>
<span class="caps">ADORABLY</span>-DEPRESSED <span class="caps">BLACK GUY</span>
Nothing.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Not true. That’s not true. That old coffee maker didn’t make lattes or cappuccinos.</p>
<span class="caps">DITZY INDIAN GIRL</span>
It didn’t?</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview.</p>
<span class="caps">DITZY INDIAN GIRL</span>
What have I been drinking this whole time?</p>
<span class="caps">CUT BACK</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">HEARTTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span>
Michael, this machine doesn’t make any of those things either.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Don’t be negative. Now, I will show you how this works.</p>
<span class="caps">CREEPY BALD FAT GUY</span>
I’m going back to my desk now.</p>
<span class="caps">SHRILL TINY CAT</span>-LADY
Michael we all put in money for that old coffee maker!</p>
<span class="caps">NUTBALL SUCK</span>-UP
Everyone pay attention! Michael is about to impart some wisdom on this new piece of equipment!</p>
<span class="caps">HEARTTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span> makes a duck face and winks as the camera.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview</p>
<span class="caps">NUTBALL SUCK</span>-UP
Very early in life boys in my family are taught that you must know your
enemy, which in this case means all machinery you use on the farm, for
if given half a chance it will kill you. Once a boy can successfully
navigate the gauntlet of combine blades, he is proclaimed a man.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT BACK</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Now this thing has a lot of different bells and whistles, let’s see, okay here’s the manual. Well I’ll just throw that away.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span>
Does it have a light that lets you know it’s time to clean it? So maybe someone else will finally clean it?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Yes! Yes it does! Good eye, Pam!</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span>
It doesn’t matter. No one’s ever going to clean that thing if I don’t.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT BACK</span>.</p>
<span class="caps">GAY LATINO EMPLOYEE</span>
Can you program it to turn on at a certain time?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Yes, but that would be really dumb because why would you want it to
make coffee later if you’re standing at the coffee maker. Come on
people, let’s take this seriously.</p>
<span class="caps">SHRILL TINY CAT</span>-LADY
Does it at least have an automatic shut-off for safety?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Of course!</p>
<span class="caps">ADORABLY</span>-DEPRESSED <span class="caps">BLACK GUY</span>
Michael. Is that a refurbished unit?</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Absolutely! Our last coffee maker was not nearly as furbished as this,
and when I saw that there were models available REfurbished, for much
cheaper I might add, I pounced. Because that’s what leaders do.</p>
<span class="caps">HOT MOUSY SECRETARY</span>
It still doesn’t make lattes or cappuccinos.</p>
Employees file out of the room, disgusted. <span class="caps">HEARTTHROB WITH BAD HAIR</span> smiles smugly at the camera.</p>
<span class="caps">CUT TO</span>: Face to face interview.</p>
<span class="caps">INCOMPETENT BOSS</span>
Part of being a good boss means knowing when to give your employees a
little something new, like a coffee maker, but then taking it back to
buy the same one you used to have. Because that teaches them that what
they have could be taken away at any time. And then given back.</p>