Ask Need-to-Know Wednesday!

Friends, The Need-to-Know Wednesday has been inundated with letters from critics and fans in the past few weeks. As this column only runs once a week, it's very difficult to get to all of these letters, though I do try. As a service today, then, I'd like to take a moment to share some of the correspondence I've received from the readers and address some of these letters from the NTKW mailbox... Dear Need-to-Know Wednesday, I've been trying to create rubidium acetate for a while now, but I just can't get the formula right. I've tried RbC(2)H(3)O and Rb(2)C(2)H(3)O(2), but they seem unstable. What do you think? Stephen Horst Massachusetts Institute of Technology Dear Stephen, Try RbC(2)H(3)O(2). That should work. Thanks for writing. NTKW Dear Need-to-Know Wednesday, I'm currently constructing an office building, but it keeps falling down. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the confidence my client has in me, but I just don't know what to do. Please help! Jim Broadstone Chicago, Illinois Dear Jim, Wow, this is a tough one. But I think your problem is coming in the way your spread footing is resting on the grillage. Try increasing the surface area. Also, check your super structure grid. If your weight isn't being directly transferred to the vertical columns, that could be the source of the headache. NTKW Dear Need-to-Know Wednesday, Have you ever thought about the fact that we're all part of the circuitry inside a giant robot, essentially moving like particles of electricity which keeps the robot functioning? That would be such a paradox, since scientists can't perfect robots. Also, I'm totally high right now. Carl Hollingsworth Butte, Montana Dear Carl, That truly is a mindbender, although I definitely think there's enough evidence to the contrary. I've also taken the liberty of calling the Asia Garden on Harrison, off Highway 15, and ordering you some beef and broccoli. It should be there in about fifteen minutes. Until then, I'd suggest putting in that burned copy of The Wall your cousin made you. Enjoy! NTKW Dear Need-to-Know Wednesday, I'm on fire. Any advice? Mark Wallson Harrisburg, Pennsylvania Dear Mark, That's never fun! Stop, drop and roll, and you should be just fine. NTKW Dear Need-to-Know Wednesday, I think my wife may be having an affair. How can I find out? Neil Shockey Houston, Texas Dear Neil, She is. She's been secretly meeting her dentist, Dr. Sanjir Uphadyaya, for about three months. They get together on Thursday nights when you play racquetball at the Hampton Inn off Route 54, where he feeds her strawberries and she's never been happier. In fact, she never knew this kind of love was possible. NTKW Dear Need-to-Know Wednesday, I'm still on fire. I stopped and dropped, but I'm quickly amassing third-degree burns over most of my body. What to do? Mark Wallson Harrisburg, Pennsylvania Dear Mark, I know things are hectic for you right now, but you need to listen more carefully. After stopping and dropping, you have to roll. That will put out the flames. Thanks for writing. NTKW Dear Need-to-Know Wednesday, Hi. How are you? Enjoying the Lemonade? Have a seat. So you thought you were coming over here today to meet a fifteen year old girl, is that correct? Chris Hansen Dateline NBC Dear Mr. Hansen, I've never done this before. I swear. I just thought she needed a friend, that's all. I think I need to talk to my lawyer. NTKW WHEW! Glad those letters are out of the way. I feel like we got a lot done today, don't you? With that said, everyone, feel free to witness The Miracle of Birth, below, which I'm sure half of you will hate and half of you will love. That is all.