Blue Hair Fans Getting The Best Seats For Smackdown At Rupp Threatens To Ruin Atmosphere

Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Whether it’s been Face vs Heel, Hogan vs Andre the Giant, Stone Cold vs The Rock, or Elderly Fan vs Young Student Fan, the WWE has always been home to rivalries. Recently, the latter has really heated up as millennials have found themselves battling with D-Generation Xers for the best seats in the house.

“How can they expect us young wrestling fans to show up at Rupp, when they give all the good seats to those old blue hairs,” asks one student who we didn’t bother writing their name down but I can assure you it was Tristan or Brecken or something. “Sure these old people have been coming to Rupp for pro-wrestling events for 60 years, but they add nothing to the atmosphere. Time to buy some binoculars, grandpa,” explained Skylar (maybe), barely looking up from his phone.

We asked an old guy that was eating soup as if it were a meal in Rupp Arena’s food court about why he thinks his generation deserves the best seats. “Because I’ve put in my time. I was here when Andre the Giant body slammed that jobber, when Rupp only hosted house shows. I was here the first time Doink the Clown brought out Dink. I was there.” He then stammered on for a while like most old people will if you give them the chance, but eventually we started paying attention again and he was like, “You also gotta remember that these students have been here for ten minutes, and I’ve been paying more than face value on tickets for years now. I mean just to smell the lower arena I have to make a sizable donation to the World Wildlife Fund every year.”

Others argue that when WWE does a show at Cameron Indoor, all the students get the best ringside seats and it’s just not fair. However, some also point the failing numbers in attendance can be blamed on the way the WWE schedules their shows at Rupp.

“Look we all wanna see John Cena wrestle,” said WWE superfan Bill Meck, “but I don’t really wanna pay big bucks to watch him wrestle Fort Wayne.”

While it’s true that many of tonight’s smackdown attendees are legacy WWE ticket holders, Meck believes they’ve earned it. “Today’s generation doesn’t understand loyalty the way Rupp Arena does. I mean when we were kids we didn’t mess around, so when we made that pledge to NWO we meant it, and when you’re NWO for life, it’s legitimately FOR LIFE.”

In the end both sides have understandable claim to the seats at Rupp. While students might be louder and at this point in their lives might even care about the outcomes of each match more, older fans take the same pain medications the wrestlers do, so in the end you’re splitting hairs, and at Rupp, the hairs will always end up blue.

To keep up with The New Circle Circular, like the Facebook page or follow Harold Leeder’s Twitter Account.