Cinco De Starters-O: LSU Tigers

Let's not beat around the bush-  LSU is terrible.  Sporting a shiny 0-8 conference record and losers of 11 of their last 12, LSU could very well be the worst team from the Big 6 conferences this season.  To put it in better perspective, their "marquee" win, and I'm not even kidding, is against Indiana State.  If betting were legal, and I theoretically saw the Cats -12, I would be all over that.  So, obviously, a terrible team has terrible players.  Here lie the latest victims of your Kentucky Wildcats: #24 Storm Warren, 6'7", F, Sophomore Mr. Warren and his 12 and 7 averages will be matching up against Boogie tonight and I think we all know what is going to happen.  Jay Bilas said this morning on GameDay that if you stretch Big Cuz's number out over 40 minutes, he'd be averaging 30 and 19.  Yeah, I smiled when I heard that too.  What does all this mean for Storm Warren?  Well, it means he is unlikely to be a big factor, unless we start playing a "coolest first name" contest. #12 Aaron Dotson, 6'4", G, Freshman Over/under on the amount of times the announcers mistake Dotson/Dodson?  I'm going to consevatively set the number at 4 and take the over.  Dotson's contributions on the court have been meager (2.4pts, 1.9reb), but he brings a certain "up, up and away" quality to the team, if you know what I mean.  Was born in 1991 and that officially makes me feel old.  #1 Tasmin Mitchell, 6'7", F, Senior You sort of have to feel bad for Mitchell.  The sole player worth his weight on the team and he spends his senior season toiling well below mediocrity.  He went to the Final Four his freshman year and it's only gotten worse for the kid since then.  Will more than likely meet his 18 and 10 averages today, but he won't be able to carry them by himself.  Also looks like a ticking timebomb. #11 Bo Spencer, 6'2", G, Junior Why do all LSU's player pictures look like mugshots?  Any why haven't they updated their website since last season?  It's probably because basketball at LSU doesn't matter.  Heck, there's a banner across the top of their athletics website counting down until the first pitch of baseball season.  Anyway, Blockhead here averages 15 points and 4 turnovers a game while running the point.  Beautiful.  He was also named 2009 All-Louisiana Second Team.  I don't know what that means, either, and they don't care to explain on the website.  I'll just assume it means he's not among the Top 5 players in Louisiana at any level. #4 Chris Bass, 6'1", G, Sophomore I have no idea if Bass will start.  Trent Johnson has used so many starters this season that it's anyone's guess as who will take the floor first.  But I will take back what I said about Jeremy Lin earlier.  Looks like Chris Bass is giving him a run for his money.  And yes, Chris Bass is the little brother of former LSU Tiger Brandon Bass.  Just like 8 inches shorter and a tenth as good.  Could prove to be the real difference maker in the game today if he meets his season averages of 2 points and 2 rebounds. So there are your Fightin' Tigers of LSU.  It's really enough to make James Carville weep in disgust.  I'll take the Cats by 22 with 26 from Wall, including 2 highlight reel dunks.  It's time to avenge those two losses last season.