When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn't. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won't enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart "trying to make it work" while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you'll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let's get involved, what do you say?
Tonight we will meet all of the girls who lied to producers and said they could totally see themselves living happily ever after on a farm with farmer Chris. I will present them here in alphabetical order. The show will start off talking a lot about the Bachelor and how he is a farmer. I don't care about that. I'm sure he is a great guy. But I only care if these girls remember to say their name when they meet him or if they
ride a piano up the driveway or
show up in a wedding dress or
if their job is a real job.
Since it is always best to judge someone by who they are on paper, here is a preview for each girl written before we watch the show tonight.
ALLISA- Alissa is a flight attendant from Hamilton, NJ. Her most embarrassing moment is described like this: "I was in-depth stalking a guy's Facebook page and sent my friend a long, detailed text about my findings...except I sent it to him. Oops.."
WE FEEL YOU, GIRL. We'd all be lying if we said something of this nature hadn't happened to us. The rule, as always, is when you are going to talk about someone to your friends it is best to do it over the phone or in person.
AMANDA- Amanda is a ballet teacher from Lake in the Hills, IL. When asked about the most romantic present she had ever received she said these words: "A guy once wrote me a beautiful letter expressing his feelings for me. I still have it. He was a creep, but a great writer."
I think someone might want to let Amanda know that creepy and romantic are not synonyms.
AMBER- Amber is a bartender from Chicago, IL. I'm sure she served a Kentucky fan or two a few weekends ago. Probably not me though. I spent most of my time at Billy Goat Tavern or on a boat. If she could be someone else for just one day Amber says she would be a zookeeper: "I would love to be around the different animals and watch how they live."
I don't know much about keeping zoos, but I'd say that job entails a little more than watching how animals live. I'd say you have to sling a little elephant dung around once in a while.
ASHLEY I.- Ashley I. is a freelance journalist from Wayne, NJ. What exactly does a freelance journalist do? I have no idea, so I asked our KSR resident freelance journalist C.M. Tomlin to provide me with comments about how he works in freelance journalism versus how Ashley I. most likely works in freelance journalism:
"For a mid-to-late thirties freelance journalist like myself, there’s a lot of time contacting editors, going back and forth with changes, networking with new publications and outlets and coming up with, researching and emailing pitches to editors for possible publication. For Ashley I., who is 26 with what we can assume is only three and a half years of experience, I can only guess that “freelance journalist” means that she used to work as an account executive for a marketing agency where she felt like her ideas were just as good as the creative department's, which they were not, and when she got laid off she decided to let her parents fund her creative ambitions, which so far likely include a Blogspot blog updated every three weeks where she reviews the new pairs of boots she owns and a friend who owns a clothing boutique and who once asked her to design a flyer, which she made terribly on Microsoft Word. It’s okay, though, because just by being on The Bachelor and talking about her blog she’s guaranteed a small book deal for a gift-sized picture book of her favorite boots called “A Girlfriend’s Guide to Boots” or “So Many Boots, so Little Time!”
That's wonderful insight, C.M.
One more thing while we're here. On these preview pages they have the girls fill in the blanks on two statements:
If I never had to **blank**, I would be very happy. If I never got to **blank**, I would be very sad.
Ashley I.'s read this way:
If I never had to wake up before 10 a.m., I would be very happy. If I never got to cook/eat, I would be very sad.
I'd like to point out that if she never got to cook/eat not only would she be sad, she would be dead. Which I guess would be sad. Wow, that just came full circle. I totally get you, Ashley I.
ASHLEY S.- Ashley S. is a hair stylist from Brooklyn, NY. If she won the lottery, she says she would "Help my uncle and my grandmother...and of course buy some amazing Italian shoes.."
Winning the lottery is something I think about in depth 3 to 5 times per week. Everyone should. You NEED a plan. And I'm talking the big lottery, not a scratch off. The lottery where you could never spend all the money. My best friends have a detailed plan of what happens if I win the big lottery. And while I would help my uncle and my grandmother if they needed it and also buy a lot of shoes, that stuff would come in due time.
Here's the gist of the plan immediately after I win. You will get a text from me that says "go to the nearest airport and text me which one it is." You should do just that. Don't pack clothes. Give your car to the valet attendant. Not for him to park it. For him to have. I will be there within two hours to pick you up. We will fly around picking people up until each row of the airplane I just bought has one person in it. Everyone gets their own row on my airplane. We will fly somewhere warm. We'll get new clothes. We'll rent a big house. And we'll do whatever we want and I'll pay for it until someone decides they need to go back home. When that happens we will go home and that person will never live down the fact that they ended the trip.
BECCA- Becca is a Chiropractic Assistant from San Diego, CA. If you've ever been to San Diego, you know she is not going to win. No one would ever move from San Diego to Iowa. That is not how life works.
However, I like Becca. She says her biggest date fear is something we can all relate to: "Having stomach issues and clogging up a toilet, a la
Dumb and Dumber."
DUDE this is so real. Is there anything scarier than flushing the toilet at a love interest's house? It's terror. As the water rises at first a million things go through your mind... What is my exit plan if this doesn't flush? Are there windows? Will the fall kill me? Do I love her enough not to run straight out the front door and change my phone number and move cities? How long have I already been in here? Do you think she has a plunger? Do I go look for it on my own first or ask her for it? Did you really have to use that much toilet paper? Can I blame it on someone else?
Before the water retreats and the flush is complete you've made more promises to God than you can even remember. And if it really does clog and she doesn't laugh about it then don't even worry about it. You shouldn't be with her anyway, cause that s*** is always funny. Literally.
BO- Bo is a plus-size model from Carpinteria, CA. She is also an accomplished surfer, doesn't want to sky dive, and wants to have kids. If she wanted to meet a man she had never met before she would "Just walk up and start talking to him like a human being...just get to know him, no creepy pick-up lines."
She may be the least crazy person in the history of this show. If history is any indication, that means she won't last long.
BRITT- Britt is a waitress in Hollywood, CA.
She has two favorite authors; David Foster Wallace & Dave Eggers. I've got a feeling it's about to be three after she reads this.
BRITTANY- Brittany is a WWE Diva-In-Training. I repeat, Brittany is a WWE Diva-In-Training. As in she is training to be a Diva for World Wrestling Entertainment. I went to our KSR resident wrestling fan Matt Jones for his take on what a WWE Diva is and what we should expect from a Diva-In-Training on a show like the Bachelor.
He wrote:
"A Diva walks around in skimpy clothing and occasionally wrestles poorly. The training would basically involved learning how to fall, walk seductively, and wear bikinis. I can suspect you would see all three of these things out of Brittany on this season of the Bachelor."
CARLY- Carly is a CRUISE SHIP SINGER from Arlington, TX. Can you think of a lower form of musician?
There is a guy that sits on a Nashville street corner playing the drums and rapping about people walking past him. I have more respect for his talent than a cruise ship singer.
How does one even become a cruise ship singer? Was Nashville Star cancelled? Do they office cruise ship singing positions to the talent show runner up at county fairs in Texas? I'm sure Carly is a wonderful girl, but I need answers.
JADE- Jade is a cosmetics developer from Los Angeles, CA.
Look at these two answers from her bio and I'll help you translate them:
"What is your greatest achievement to date?
Moving to Los Angeles on my own and starting the launch of my business." (What I think she meant: OMG I like totally moved to Los Angeles for a boy with my Dad's money and I met someone who sells Mary Kay. I could totally sell make up, probably.)
"
If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings?
Launch my business, pay off my debt, set my parents up for retirement, invest, and give back." (What I think she meant: If I won the lottery I would've started selling Mary Kay, paid my Dad back, paid my Dad back, invested, and paid my Dad back. But now I'm on this show so I'm going to hope Bachelor Pad and Bachelor in Paradise get renewed. Those look totes amazeballs.)
JILLIAN- Jillian is a news producer in Washington, D.C. I have a good friend who is a news producer. Every Sunday night she sends me snapchats of her on the phone with people that are complaining about 60 Minutes and The Good Wife being delayed due to NFL games. Or some people just call to talk. She also recently interviewed a man named wearing a camo shirt while holding a Louis Vuitton bag that he had bedazzled. His name was Marz. I can't make that up.
It is a job that is way more than producing news. It is not often a job of reward. Being a farmer's wife sounds way better. I wish Jillian success.
JORDAN- Jordan is a 24 year old student from Windsor, CO. She seems a bit liberated, to put it tastefully.
Take it away, Jordan:
What's the most outrageous thing you've ever done?
"I jumped off the back of a boat bar naked in the British Virgin Islands and then was the bartender while the real one took a nap."
If you really wanted to impress a man, what would you do?
"Give him a sexy dance because it would turn him on and hopefully lead to more."
Vegas has taken "Jordan involved in late night ocean shenanigans" off the board.
JUELIA- Juelia, pronounced Julia, is an esthetician from Portland, OR. Until recently I didn't know what this field of work was. Then one day I met a young lady, we were conversing, and she told me she was an esthetician. I said "oh yeah, like you put people to sleep before surgery."
Turns out that is not at all what an esthetician does. Offended, she told me an esthetician waxes hair from the bodies of wide awake human beings. (I bet they wish they were asleep, amirite?!) Can't believe it didn't go anywhere with me and that young lady.
KAITLYN- Kaitlyn is a dance instructor from Vancouver, BC. She has five tattoos. I didn't do any research, but that's the most of anyone on the show. The tattoos make sense though, considering her love for pirates:
If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings?
"Pay back my parents for all my dance lessons, buy an island and make it into a land of pirates. It would be called Yarrrland."
Umm. Wut?
KARA- Kara is a high school soccer coach from BROWNSVILLE, KY. That's Edmonson County if geography isn't your best category in Trivia Crack. She says her most embarrassing moment was "A trainer had to massage my shins (splints) and my legs were really hairy. He was handsome, so... yeah."
Who hasn't been there? Sounds like Kara and the esthetician need to be friends.
She also has a
blog.
KELSEY- Kelsey is a guidance counselor from Austin, TX. ABC.com asked each girl their biggest date fear. So every girl answered. Most said something stupid that shouldn't be a real fear. Becca upped the ante and said "having stomach issues and clogging up the toilet." But my girl Kelsey took it a step further.
ABC.com said "Kelsey, what is your biggest date fear?"
Kelsey said "Diarrhea."
I assume after that she dropped the mic and walked away kind of like this.
KIMBERLY- Kimberly is a yoga instructor from Long Island, NY. I'll be honest, loyal readers, until recently I didn't have a lot of respect for yoga. But I've done it a few times. And I've done it well zero times. Yoga it hard. It hurts. It makes you feel stupid. Mad respect for Kimberly the yoga instructor.
Maybe she'll show us her vinyasa at some point. Man, yoga jokes are the best.
MACKENZIE- Mackenzie is a 21 year old dental assistant from Maple Valley, WA. If you know anything about 21 year olds, it's that they have no idea who they are, what they want to do in life, or what they are ever talking about.
And this is no offense to 21 year olds. You can't help it. You have to be 21. Everyone does. It comes after 20 and before 22. But you all are idiots. And I know because I was once a 21 year old. When I was 21 I was in college. I went to class and I worked at an after school day care so I could pay to go on spring break. That was my entire world. I was the worst. I'm sure Mackenzie is better than I was, but she's still 21. She's not ready for this big stage.
MEGAN- Megan is a make-up artist from Nashville, TN. Megan says "I love it when my date looks me in the eyes or tells me stories. I hate it when my date texts while talking to me."
We were so close, Megan. We almost had it all.
MICHELLE- Michelle is a wedding cake decorator in Provo, UT. Normally my "that's not a real job" alarm would go off when I heard the words wedding cake decorator, but look where she does it.
She does it in Utah where Mormon men have multiple wives. If she meets one guy it could mean 6 cake decorating jobs. I'd say she's more than a wedding cake decorator, I'd say she an entrepreneur.
NICOLE- Nicole is a real estate agent in Scottsdale, AZ. She seems chummy. This question and answer caught my eye:
If you could be a fictional character, who would you be?
Jessica Rabbit because she is so unapologetically sexy with natural sex appeal. Would be fun to be someone so different!
(Editor's Note: Jessica Rabbit is not a someone. Jessica Rabbit is a cartoon. Nicole is a real human person. I think.)
NIKKI- Nikki is a former NFL cheerleader from New York City. Being a former NFL cheerleader is not a job. Former NFL cheerleaders can have jobs, but that cannot be their job.
REEGAN- Reegan is a donated tissue specialist from Manhattan Beach, CA and I think she is Shannon the Dude's dream girl.
If you really wanted to impress a man, what would you do?
"I'd keep my mouth shut. :) Seriously, I think just being supportive and listening to what they have to say works best."
SAMANTHA- Samantha is a fashion designer from Los Angeles, CA. She doesn't know it, but she's also a politician. Check it out:
Are you a little bit country or more of a city person?
"Both! I grew up more in the country, but have lived in New York City and Los Angeles for the past 4.5 years. Eventually the country might be better as it may be a better environment to raise a family."
An answer only
Frank Underwood could love.
TANDRA- Tandra is an executive assistant from Sandy, UT. Her biggest date fear is "peeing my pants from laughing so hard or something."
Kelsey remains in first place with "Diarrhea."
TARA- Wait until I tell y'all what Tara's "occupation" is. I seriously cannot even believe the words that are on the page. Like, where does she get off thinking she can pull this off? I'm honestly offended. You should be too. I'm upset. I have nieces that are girls. And Tara is a girl. She represents my nieces, in a way. And Tara's is trying to tell us with a straight face that her occupation is SPORTS FISHING ENTHUSIAST. What if my nieces grow up and want to be sports fishing enthusiasts. I'll have to explain how dumb Tara is to them. Then I'll have to tell them the occupation they aspire to is a lie. It's not a real job. Way to make me crush my nieces hopes and dreams, Tara. This will not stand! No Ma'am!! Absolutely not. That's the second line on your questionnaire and I didn't even make it past that. I hope Chris finds this out and sends you hom.... OH MY GOSH it just made sense. Chris is a farmer. Probably loves the outdoors. Probably loves fishing. Tara is an evil genius. I still don't like her. But I get it. Don't hate the player. Hate the game.
TRACY- Tracy is a fourth grade teacher from Wellington, FL. Per dollar a person is paid, teaching is the hardest job I've ever seen. A kid by his or herself is manageable. A kid with 20 other kids is not manageable. And somehow teachers manage that situation everyday. Shout out to teachers.
Also, shout out to the dude who made Tracy answer this question in this way:
What's your worst date memory?
"At lunch I just threw my hair up real quick because it was hot or something and he said "keep your hair down." It was weird."
That is so creepy. I just got chills. Nieces have changed me, man.
TRINA- Trina is a special education teacher from San Clemente, CA. She describes her biggest date fear as "eating something that gives me 'di-di'." Trina wins second place in the biggest date fear category.
She was also asked this:
If you could be someone else for just one day, who would you be?
"I would love to be a guy for one day. No one in particular, just a guy. I'd love to know how they think!"
Let me stop you right there Trina. You would not like to know what we think. I thought about lunch for 23 straight minutes after breakfast this morning. That's it. And you want to know what I'm thinking about now? Lunch tomorrow.
WHITNEY- I can truly say we've saved the best for last. Whitney is a fertility nurse in Chicago, IL. Whitney is beautiful. Whitney is 29. Whitney is is 5'7''. Whitney has a tattoo.
"That's all great, Aaron, but what makes Whitney the absolute best?" you say.
Well, loyal reader, what makes Whitney the absolute best is this picture right here:
Go Cats!
Enjoy the show tonight and
follow along on twitter for live reaction. The Running Diary of episode one will post in the morning.
@AFlenerKSR
When it comes to The Bachelor I’m here for three things. The cat fighting, the tears, and the delusion. While you can argue that those three things are one in the same, you probably shouldn't. If you are here for an in depth review of what girl he should pick, go somewhere else. You won't enjoy this. I have no interest in the final outcome of the show. The future happiness or despair of the contestants on this show is of no concern to me. He will pick someone, they will be apart "trying to make it work" while the show airs. They will appear happy at the reunion show, then you'll see something like this or this a week or a month later. The format of this column, as always, will be a running diary of my thoughts throughout the show. There a lot of places to go for Bachelor commentary so let me thank you for choosing a sports website. Let's get involved, what do you say?
Tonight we will meet all of the girls who lied to producers and said they could totally see themselves living happily ever after on a farm with farmer Chris. I will present them here in alphabetical order. The show will start off talking a lot about the Bachelor and how he is a farmer. I don't care about that. I'm sure he is a great guy. But I only care if these girls remember to say their name when they meet him or if they ride a piano up the driveway or show up in a wedding dress or if their job is a real job.
Since it is always best to judge someone by who they are on paper, here is a preview for each girl written before we watch the show tonight.
ALLISA- Alissa is a flight attendant from Hamilton, NJ. Her most embarrassing moment is described like this: "I was in-depth stalking a guy's Facebook page and sent my friend a long, detailed text about my findings...except I sent it to him. Oops.."
WE FEEL YOU, GIRL. We'd all be lying if we said something of this nature hadn't happened to us. The rule, as always, is when you are going to talk about someone to your friends it is best to do it over the phone or in person.
AMANDA- Amanda is a ballet teacher from Lake in the Hills, IL. When asked about the most romantic present she had ever received she said these words: "A guy once wrote me a beautiful letter expressing his feelings for me. I still have it. He was a creep, but a great writer."
I think someone might want to let Amanda know that creepy and romantic are not synonyms.
AMBER- Amber is a bartender from Chicago, IL. I'm sure she served a Kentucky fan or two a few weekends ago. Probably not me though. I spent most of my time at Billy Goat Tavern or on a boat. If she could be someone else for just one day Amber says she would be a zookeeper: "I would love to be around the different animals and watch how they live."
I don't know much about keeping zoos, but I'd say that job entails a little more than watching how animals live. I'd say you have to sling a little elephant dung around once in a while.
ASHLEY I.- Ashley I. is a freelance journalist from Wayne, NJ. What exactly does a freelance journalist do? I have no idea, so I asked our KSR resident freelance journalist C.M. Tomlin to provide me with comments about how he works in freelance journalism versus how Ashley I. most likely works in freelance journalism:
"For a mid-to-late thirties freelance journalist like myself, there’s a lot of time contacting editors, going back and forth with changes, networking with new publications and outlets and coming up with, researching and emailing pitches to editors for possible publication. For Ashley I., who is 26 with what we can assume is only three and a half years of experience, I can only guess that “freelance journalist” means that she used to work as an account executive for a marketing agency where she felt like her ideas were just as good as the creative department's, which they were not, and when she got laid off she decided to let her parents fund her creative ambitions, which so far likely include a Blogspot blog updated every three weeks where she reviews the new pairs of boots she owns and a friend who owns a clothing boutique and who once asked her to design a flyer, which she made terribly on Microsoft Word. It’s okay, though, because just by being on The Bachelor and talking about her blog she’s guaranteed a small book deal for a gift-sized picture book of her favorite boots called “A Girlfriend’s Guide to Boots” or “So Many Boots, so Little Time!”
That's wonderful insight, C.M.
One more thing while we're here. On these preview pages they have the girls fill in the blanks on two statements:
If I never had to **blank**, I would be very happy. If I never got to **blank**, I would be very sad.
Ashley I.'s read this way:
If I never had to wake up before 10 a.m., I would be very happy. If I never got to cook/eat, I would be very sad.
I'd like to point out that if she never got to cook/eat not only would she be sad, she would be dead. Which I guess would be sad. Wow, that just came full circle. I totally get you, Ashley I.
ASHLEY S.- Ashley S. is a hair stylist from Brooklyn, NY. If she won the lottery, she says she would "Help my uncle and my grandmother...and of course buy some amazing Italian shoes.."
Winning the lottery is something I think about in depth 3 to 5 times per week. Everyone should. You NEED a plan. And I'm talking the big lottery, not a scratch off. The lottery where you could never spend all the money. My best friends have a detailed plan of what happens if I win the big lottery. And while I would help my uncle and my grandmother if they needed it and also buy a lot of shoes, that stuff would come in due time.
Here's the gist of the plan immediately after I win. You will get a text from me that says "go to the nearest airport and text me which one it is." You should do just that. Don't pack clothes. Give your car to the valet attendant. Not for him to park it. For him to have. I will be there within two hours to pick you up. We will fly around picking people up until each row of the airplane I just bought has one person in it. Everyone gets their own row on my airplane. We will fly somewhere warm. We'll get new clothes. We'll rent a big house. And we'll do whatever we want and I'll pay for it until someone decides they need to go back home. When that happens we will go home and that person will never live down the fact that they ended the trip.
BECCA- Becca is a Chiropractic Assistant from San Diego, CA. If you've ever been to San Diego, you know she is not going to win. No one would ever move from San Diego to Iowa. That is not how life works.
However, I like Becca. She says her biggest date fear is something we can all relate to: "Having stomach issues and clogging up a toilet, a la Dumb and Dumber."
DUDE this is so real. Is there anything scarier than flushing the toilet at a love interest's house? It's terror. As the water rises at first a million things go through your mind... What is my exit plan if this doesn't flush? Are there windows? Will the fall kill me? Do I love her enough not to run straight out the front door and change my phone number and move cities? How long have I already been in here? Do you think she has a plunger? Do I go look for it on my own first or ask her for it? Did you really have to use that much toilet paper? Can I blame it on someone else?
Before the water retreats and the flush is complete you've made more promises to God than you can even remember. And if it really does clog and she doesn't laugh about it then don't even worry about it. You shouldn't be with her anyway, cause that s*** is always funny. Literally.
BO- Bo is a plus-size model from Carpinteria, CA. She is also an accomplished surfer, doesn't want to sky dive, and wants to have kids. If she wanted to meet a man she had never met before she would "Just walk up and start talking to him like a human being...just get to know him, no creepy pick-up lines."
She may be the least crazy person in the history of this show. If history is any indication, that means she won't last long.
BRITT- Britt is a waitress in Hollywood, CA. She has two favorite authors; David Foster Wallace & Dave Eggers. I've got a feeling it's about to be three after she reads this.
BRITTANY- Brittany is a WWE Diva-In-Training. I repeat, Brittany is a WWE Diva-In-Training. As in she is training to be a Diva for World Wrestling Entertainment. I went to our KSR resident wrestling fan Matt Jones for his take on what a WWE Diva is and what we should expect from a Diva-In-Training on a show like the Bachelor.
He wrote:
"A Diva walks around in skimpy clothing and occasionally wrestles poorly. The training would basically involved learning how to fall, walk seductively, and wear bikinis. I can suspect you would see all three of these things out of Brittany on this season of the Bachelor."
CARLY- Carly is a CRUISE SHIP SINGER from Arlington, TX. Can you think of a lower form of musician? There is a guy that sits on a Nashville street corner playing the drums and rapping about people walking past him. I have more respect for his talent than a cruise ship singer.
How does one even become a cruise ship singer? Was Nashville Star cancelled? Do they office cruise ship singing positions to the talent show runner up at county fairs in Texas? I'm sure Carly is a wonderful girl, but I need answers.
JADE- Jade is a cosmetics developer from Los Angeles, CA.
Look at these two answers from her bio and I'll help you translate them:
"What is your greatest achievement to date?
Moving to Los Angeles on my own and starting the launch of my business." (What I think she meant: OMG I like totally moved to Los Angeles for a boy with my Dad's money and I met someone who sells Mary Kay. I could totally sell make up, probably.)
"If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings?
Launch my business, pay off my debt, set my parents up for retirement, invest, and give back." (What I think she meant: If I won the lottery I would've started selling Mary Kay, paid my Dad back, paid my Dad back, invested, and paid my Dad back. But now I'm on this show so I'm going to hope Bachelor Pad and Bachelor in Paradise get renewed. Those look totes amazeballs.)
JILLIAN- Jillian is a news producer in Washington, D.C. I have a good friend who is a news producer. Every Sunday night she sends me snapchats of her on the phone with people that are complaining about 60 Minutes and The Good Wife being delayed due to NFL games. Or some people just call to talk. She also recently interviewed a man named wearing a camo shirt while holding a Louis Vuitton bag that he had bedazzled. His name was Marz. I can't make that up.
It is a job that is way more than producing news. It is not often a job of reward. Being a farmer's wife sounds way better. I wish Jillian success.
JORDAN- Jordan is a 24 year old student from Windsor, CO. She seems a bit liberated, to put it tastefully.
Take it away, Jordan:
What's the most outrageous thing you've ever done?
"I jumped off the back of a boat bar naked in the British Virgin Islands and then was the bartender while the real one took a nap."
If you really wanted to impress a man, what would you do?
"Give him a sexy dance because it would turn him on and hopefully lead to more."
Vegas has taken "Jordan involved in late night ocean shenanigans" off the board.
JUELIA- Juelia, pronounced Julia, is an esthetician from Portland, OR. Until recently I didn't know what this field of work was. Then one day I met a young lady, we were conversing, and she told me she was an esthetician. I said "oh yeah, like you put people to sleep before surgery."
Turns out that is not at all what an esthetician does. Offended, she told me an esthetician waxes hair from the bodies of wide awake human beings. (I bet they wish they were asleep, amirite?!) Can't believe it didn't go anywhere with me and that young lady.
KAITLYN- Kaitlyn is a dance instructor from Vancouver, BC. She has five tattoos. I didn't do any research, but that's the most of anyone on the show. The tattoos make sense though, considering her love for pirates:
If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings?
"Pay back my parents for all my dance lessons, buy an island and make it into a land of pirates. It would be called Yarrrland."
Umm. Wut?
KARA- Kara is a high school soccer coach from BROWNSVILLE, KY. That's Edmonson County if geography isn't your best category in Trivia Crack. She says her most embarrassing moment was "A trainer had to massage my shins (splints) and my legs were really hairy. He was handsome, so... yeah."
Who hasn't been there? Sounds like Kara and the esthetician need to be friends.
She also has a blog.
KELSEY- Kelsey is a guidance counselor from Austin, TX. ABC.com asked each girl their biggest date fear. So every girl answered. Most said something stupid that shouldn't be a real fear. Becca upped the ante and said "having stomach issues and clogging up the toilet." But my girl Kelsey took it a step further.
ABC.com said "Kelsey, what is your biggest date fear?"
Kelsey said "Diarrhea."
I assume after that she dropped the mic and walked away kind of like this.
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