Getting in Marshall's Head

Marshall's practice aren... What?  This is where they play their *games*?  Oh. Hello?  Everyone still here and un-apocalypted?  Nice.  Granted, we have a few hours wherein we can all still worry about asteroid strikes or zombie outbreaks (or zombie asteroids for the super paranoid), but for now, it's good to see you all. And, assuming we're all still here tomorrow, there's a basketball game to be played against the Marshall Thundering Herd.  I know it's a callous thing to be talking about basketball at a time like this, but as a former West Virginia-based college student (no, I'm not from there, and yes, it sucked), I feel like it's up to me to share a little perspective. Like famous psychic detective Shawn Spencer, I can appreciate the importance of thinking like the enemy (or in this case, the victim).  So with that in mind, I present to you a few insights on what it's like to be a college student in Huntington, WV.  Armed with this information, there's no telling what havoc we can wreak on the Herd tomorrow. The Good: Fat Patty's - Never has a restaurant been simultaneously so hilariously named and delicious since Fuddrucker's.  Fat Patty's is home to a personal favorite, the Luau Cow, which is basically a ham sandwich on top of a hamburger.  Also, pineapple.  It's as great as it sounds.  I try to get to Patty's every time I'm in Huntington, and there's little question that the Herd players will have frequented the establishment.  If you really want to get into their mindset, I suggest you take a few hours to drive there and eat today.  It'll also serve nicely as a last meal before the inevitable asteroid strike. Thunderstuck - Marshall's mascot is the Thundering Herd, so they're one of the few schools who can legitimately claim the AC/DC song "Thunderstruck" as a theme song without seeming cliche.  As someone who appreciates the particular genius of Angus Young, I can totally get behind a school that plays Thunderstruck to start literally every sporting event.  I think I even heard they play it before the graduation ceremony.  I kind of hope we play it before the game to make them feel at home.  Something else that would make them feel at home: beating them horribly.  Let's try for both, shall we? The Bad: Athletics - Try as they might, Marshall has "little brother" syndrome harder than Louisville ever could.  Their only intra-state D1 competitor, the Mountaineers of WVU, really have their number in just about every sport I could possibly dream of.  So basically, basketball and football.  The Herd haven't really been competitive for a long time, and the "rivalry" is about as one-sided as they come.  This bodes particularly well for the Cats: if they can't even beat the Mountaineers, who are pretty legitimately terrible this year, then I like our chances in Rupp. The Ugly: Exercising - According to the Daily Mail, West Virginia is home to two of the fattest cities in America: Huntington (third) and Charleston (sixth).  That probably has something to do with the fact that the only things to do in the state are 1) wait for reruns of The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia to come on TV, and 2) eat at Fat Patty's for the eighth time this week.  While both of those things are a blast, they don't do much for the ole' blood pressure.  Expect the Herd players to show up looking relatively in shape, but there's no telling what ancient evil lurks inside their arteries.  I bet if we sneak some of that Flav-O-Rich ice cream into their locker room at half time, they'll come out sloppier than Kathy Bates looked in About Schmidt.   We've got a lot to look forward to tomorrow when Marshall comes to town.  Should we all be alive (which seems likely based on early, Godzilla-less reports out of Australia), the Herd players are going to be blown away with how in their heads we are with all of this information.  Use it responsibly.