Insider Information on the Wiggins Decision

As a KSR writer whose credits include "The Bachelor Running Diary", "aUKward Fan Photos",  and numerous drinking games, you can understand that I am privy to information everyone else around here simply doesn't receive. How else would I accomplish the writing I have done for you? Though you may disagree, KSR readers, you are lucky to have me. Because tonight I am going to share with you some information no one else has. I am going to provide you the REAL REASONS (4 of them) Andrew Wiggins chose Kansas over our beloved Wildcats. When you're done reading this, I think you'll understand his decision more fully.   REASON 1: Andrew Wiggins loves quoting movies. One of his favorite movies is "Wizard of Oz." Some will tell you this is because he's a dog person, but it's really because he has a crush on Dorothy. He grew up quoting Dorothy's lines from the movie whenever he could and he wants to continue this. A source told me one of his biggest NBA aspirations is to get dunked on by someone in his rookie season and say to himself "We aren't in Kansas anymore." I must admit, this makes complete sense to me. It WOULD be a really awesome thing for him to say in 2014 in Miami after Dwayne Wade throws an alley oop to Lebron and Lebron throws it down on Wiggins' head. Don't you agree? I bet his decision is already beginning to make more sense to you.   REASON 2: Andrew Wiggins loves space. Loves everything about it. Now, I know what you're thinking. He went to Kansas because he wanted his space. He didn't want to be smothered by Kentucky fans. Not true. So, he likes space to do his thing on fast breaks? Nope. Not that either. It's because he literally loves "Space." As in, if basketball doesn't work out, he wants to be an astronaut. What most of you all don't know about Kansas is that there is a little place there called Hutchison, Kansas. You know what is in Hutchison, Kansas? Oh, nothing much, JUST THE "KANSAS COSMOSPHERE AND SPACE CENTER!!" I don't know much about space or cosmospheres, but according to my source: "When a space museum names itself the Cosmosphere, no one should be startled to find it contains the largest collection of Russian space program and cosmonaut artifacts outside of Moscow. What is surprising is that the collection is in the USA, far from mainstream space tourism hubs in Florida, Houston, Alabama, even Washington DC. It's in Kansas, in the relatively modest-sized city of Hutchinson." I must say, that IS surprising. And it most certainly factored in Andrew's decision. A decision that has to be becoming clearer and clearer to you.   REASON 3:   Andrew has always been a HUGE Greg Ostertag fan and wants to follow in his foot steps. And why wouldn't he? Greg Ostertag played at Kansas. Greg Ostertag appeared in two NBA Finals. Greg Ostertag's athleticism is unmatched. Oh, and I almost forgot. Andrew has also said he wants to appear in PLAYGIRL. Just like his idol, Greg Ostertag.   REASON 4: We've seen the above picture on this site many times. It is no secret that Andrew appreciates a nice hairdo. While most would think that would've certainly led him to Kentucky to play for Cal and the Paul Mitchell creation on his head, Andrew is smarter than us. He knows that Cal's hair is fleeting. Bill Self's rug is not, though. It's forever. Because it is fake. He's a smart one, that Wiggins.     As you can see now, a LOT more went into this decision than you realized. Kentucky simply couldn't provide Wiggins with everything he wanted. If we could have gotten him to Dinosaur World or Mammoth Cave during his visit I would have liked our chances.   But, you win some and you lose some on the recruiting trail. On top of all the things already mentioned, Kansas is home to the World's Largest Ball of Twine. He wants to see if he can palm it. (I bet he can't).   @AFlenerKSR