KSR Bachelor Running Diary: The Final 4

After a couple of weeks posting funny tweets, WE'RE BRINGING BACK THE RUNNING DIARY. This week is the hometown visits and we get 4 HOURS of Bachelor coverage. Monday Juan Pablo will be visiting the hometowns of Nikki, Andi, Clare, and Renee. I, for one, can't wait for the families of these girls to meet Juan Pablo and try to understand what he is saying. Tuesday, we find out what happened on the overnight dates. Let's get to the Monday night action!   NIKKI'S HOMETOWN- Kansas City, MO 7:04- Juan Pablo didn't know what BBQ was. BBQ, get in line over there with the words "bolt" and "frazzled." 7:06- Nikki said she is totally in love with Juan Pablo. WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE?!?! After all, she's known him for over a month. 7:11- Nikki's brothers totally don't want to be here.  7:15- Nikki's Dad: "What have you seen in him that makes you think he could be a possible husband for you?" 7:16- Nikki: "He makes me feel really comfortable around him and there's just something about him. Like I can't really put my finger on it and i can't explain it. It's just awesome. Like, it's magical. I don't know, I just feel really really good about it." You can put your finger on it Nikki. It's called his body. 7:18- Nikki didn't tell him she loved him. Probably because she really doesn't.   ANDI'S HOMETOWN- Atlanta, GA 7:24- Andi takes Juan Pablo to the gun range. Let's just say he won't be getting any calls to be a sniper anytime soon. Or to translate any language to english. 7:33- If Andi doesn't take Juan Pablo to Johnny's Hideaway while they are in Atlanta, she's not the one. Plain and simple. 7:35- Andi's Dad is handling this exactly like every Dad ever should handle this. Super skeptically. 7:36- Andi and Juan Pablo just danced standing dry humped in front of Andi's Mom on the back porch to the sound of absolutely no music. 7:45- This is so boring, and that got me thinking that I bet Andi's Dad has gone to Johnny's Hideaway. 7:50- Andi- "I'm very very close to being in love with him." READ: I'm not in love with him at all.   RENEE'S HOMETOWN- Sarasota, FL 7:56- Renee: "I'm going to eat my son when I see him." 7:57- Juan Pablo is wearing a green shirt, black shorts, and red flip flops. He looks ridiculous. 7:58-  Renee has a son. But you knew that. His name is Ben. But you knew that too. So did Juan Pablo. Juan Pablo has had weeks to think about what he would say to him the first time he met him. Want to know what he decided to go with? Sure you do. He said "How've you been?" GET IT?!?! Juan Pablo is so punny. 8:09- Nothing interesting happened AT ALL during the entire family visit. Her family loved him, BLAH BLAH BLAH who cares. Then they made out when he was leaving. Not the whole family. Just Renee and Juan Pablo. Get your minds out of the gutter. 8:10- NEXT, please. This episode is so boring even Sean turned it off.   CLARE'S HOMETOWN- Sacramento, CA 8:18- First off, not sure why you would take anyone to Sacramento. Unless, of course, you were going to watch Boogie play basketball. 8:19- Clare's eyes scream crazy. So do her words. 8:28- Clare's parents got engaged after 3 weeks. The Bachelor used to be shorter back in their day.

They got engaged after three weeks?!? I've had milk in my fridge longer than that. Most of you know that. – Corey J (@cjuk33) February 25, 2014

8:30- HOW ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE RELATED!?! Clare's family look nothing alike. Text from Turkey Hunter: "Whooaaa, Lara. What happened to you? Is your middle name Gene? As in "Recessive Gene?" (Editor's note: We have no idea if her name is Lara. Clare has 13 people at this gathering and none of them look alike.) Another Text from Turkey Hunter: "If Clare's looks were a basketball conference, she'd be between the SEC and the Big East. Her sisters: MEAC, Southland, and SWAC. And they'd be on probation." 8:43- Juan Pablo communicates really well with Clare's Mom. Not because they have anything in common. Because she speaks spanish. 8:45- Juan Pablo really shines at the end of the hometown dates when they close the front door to the houses and head to the SUV. That's when he can stop talking and stick his tongue in their mouths. Too bad there isn't any water around.   ROSE CEREMONY 8:53- First two roses quickly go to Nikki and Clare. They still have spoke since their ridiculously ridiculous fight. That did not change tonight. Also, not much suspense left for the final rose. We've seen Andi in the previews for the overnight dates. Renee is going home. 8:54- Renee goes home. She is left standing rose less while Juan Pablo is left crying and not knowing the predominant language of the country in which he resides. That's all for the first two hours. All in all a pretty boring night. But tomorrow night there will be tears. Lots of tears. Should be great.   @AFlenerKSR