Making The Emmys Great Again

  In Jimmy Kimmel’s opening monologue, he came out of the gates on fire. We re-re-lived the OJ Simpson car chase as Kimmel hurried to get to the Emmys on time. We re-remembered how much we love carpool karaoke with James Corden.   We were re-reminded how fake the dragons look on Game of Thrones. Kimmel’s opening monologue proved that John Travolta is a joke killer and that Cuba Gooding Jr. is a joke enhancer. He even threw in one last good Jeb! joke. Kimmel was light on his feet throughout the actual presentation of the awards. He pondered if “topple the patriarchy” was something that he should get behind.  Sadly, there were a few missteps along the way. The fake Dr. Bill Cosby introduction was painful. The peanut butter and jelly sandwich bit was trying too hard, but those Stranger Things kiddos will help sale any gag that might be struggling. * Edited after the lunch note gag * At first, handing out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches seemed too much like when Ellen brought pizzas to the Oscars. But luckily, Mamma Kimmel sent a note to Cuba, the joke saver. I’m a sucker for any Snow Dogs reference. Overall, Kimmel made parading celebrities across the stage as entertaining as it can be.  It still was a little tedious so, let me save you three hours of your life and give you the highlights of all the acceptance speeches. Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Louie Anderson, Baskets Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “Ma, we did it!” Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series Aziz Ansari & Alan Yang, Master of None Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “There are 17 million Asian Americans in this country and there are 17 million Italian Americans. They have The Godfather, Goodfellas, Rocky, The Sopranos. We got Long Duk Dong. We got a long way to go.” —Alan Yang Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live! Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “I’m really crying. I’m not making that up.” Comedy Series Directing Jill Soloway, Transparent Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “People ask me if it is hard being a director and I tell them no. Life is very hard… Being a good person is hard.” Close Second: “Topple the Patriarchy!” Outstanding Lead Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “I’d like to take this opportunity to personally apologize for the current political climate. I think that Veep has torn down the wall between comedy and politics…. So, I certainly do promise to rebuild that wall and make Mexico pay for it.” Also, her remarks about her father had me like ðŸ˜­ðŸ˜­ðŸ˜­ðŸ˜­ Lead Actor in a Comedy Series Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “May I be very clear about something, there is no ‘best actor.’” Outstanding Reality Series Accepted by: Mark Burnett, The Voice Best Acceptance Speech Quote: His Hillary Clinton joke bombed. It was too painful to re-write here. Outstanding Writing in a Limited Series or Movie D.V. Devincentis The People v. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “I share this award with you guys, I’m going to keep it at my house.” Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie Regina King, American Crime Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “I’m so proud of this show. To have the opportunity to tell stories that provoke necessary conversation.” Outstanding Directing in a Limited Series or Movie Susanne Bier, The Night Manager Best Acceptance Speech Quote: * listed people she’d like to thank, somewhat painful * Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie Sterling K. Brown, The People v. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “Thank you to the academy. A lot of you didn’t know who I was but you checked the box anyway and that makes me very, very happy.” Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie Sarah Paulson, The People v. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story Best Acceptance Speech Quote: (to Marcia Clark) “I have been superficial and careless in my judgment and I am glad to be able to stand here in front of everyone here today to tell you I’m sorry.” Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie Courtney B. Vance, The People v. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “last but not least, to the woman that rocks my chain. ANGELA EVELYN BASSETT, this one is for you, girl!” Outstanding TV Movie Sherlock Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “I have a list of people I’d like to thank, but I’m not going to…so I’m just going to go home and phone them.” Outstanding Limited Series The People v. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story Best Acceptance Speech Quote: * super awkward playoff music * Outstanding Writing in a Variety Special Patton Oswalt, Talking for Clapping Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “I wish I’d brought that juice box.” Outstanding Variety Talk Series John Oliver, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “Please play me off…I’ve never had the chance to do this before.” Outstanding Directing for a Variety Special Thomas Kail, Grease: Live Best Acceptance Speech Quote: they didn’t reference Grease once. Outstanding Variety Sketch Series Key & Peele, Key & Peele Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “We love you Detroit” Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, Game of Thrones Best Acceptance Speech quote: “Thank you to our parents for letting us have television and comic books and Dungeons and Dragons and all the other things that taught us how to do our jobs.” Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey Best Acceptance Speech Quote- (From Jimmy Kimmel after Maggie Smith didn’t show up) “Maggie, if you want this it will be in the lost and found.” Outstanding Directing in a Drama Series Miguel Sapochnik,Game of Thrones Best Acceptance Speech Quote: “I'm hungry, I don’t know about you guys.” Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series Ben Mendelsohn, Bloodline Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series Rami Malek, Mr. Robot Best Acceptance Speech Quote: "Please tell me you're seeing this too" Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series Tatiana Muslany, Orphan Black  Best Acceptance Speech Quote: "I should have had this written down." Outstanding Comedy Series  Accepted by: David Mandel, Veep Best Acceptance Speech Quote: "Holy crap. I have 9:30 library shift at my son's school tomorrow." Outstanding Drama Series  Accepted by: David Benioff, Game of Thrones Best Acceptance Speech Quote: "We have the best cast...that has ever been assembled."   Goodness, this post is almost as long as the Emmys felt.