Need-to-Know Wednesday SELLS OUT!

Friends, Corporate tyranny can be a highly influential thing. Take, for instance, a series of e-mails I recently exchanged with the legal brass at New Line Cinema concerning the Need-to-Know Wednesday name. I think you'll find the following example both chilling and eye-opening. ---------------- FROM: Roland Montenegro TO: Chris Tomlin RE: Need-to-Know Wednesday Dear Chris, My name is Roland Montenegro and I'm writing from the legal department of New Line Cinema to inform you of a current motivation to purchase the copyrighted "Need-to-Know Wednesday" name. We currently have a film in production with that same moniker, and would be interested in procuring the rights to the phrase for use as this working title. Sincerely, Roland Montenegro Atty., Legal issues, New Line Cinema. ---------------- TO: Roland Montenegro FROM: Chris Tomlin RE: RE: Need-to-Know Wednesday Dear Roland, I can appreciate, and am quite humbled by, the interest in my phrase. I'm reluctant to sell it as it has become a regular feature on the website to which I frequently contribute. My readers depend upon this feature. I would, however, be willing to entertain the idea if you will give me more details about the film itself. Thanks. Chris. ------------------- TO: Chris Tomlin FROM: Roland Montenegro RE: RE: RE: Need-to-Know Wednesday Dear Chris, We normally don't like to divulge such information, for fear of having these ideas stolen by competing studios, but I have been cleared to give you the details. The film would be called "Need-to-Know Wednesday," and it would feature a young boy who is bound and determined to break up his single mother's upcoming wedding to a world-renowned surgeon with the help of a superintelligent, talking cat engineered by the government. Frankie Muniz, Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson are already attached, and the filming has begun in the Soviet Union. We hope you'll consider allowing us the rights to the name, and are willing to pay for the luxury. Yours, R. Montenegro ------------------ TO: Roland Montenegro FROM: Chris Tomlin RE: RE: RE: RE: Need-to-Know Wednesday Dear Roland, I must admit, that sounds like a fun movie. But the knowledge that sensual Latin superstar Jennifer Lopez, while admittedly enticing, is not enough of a sell for me to allow you the name. I have a list of demands if I may offer them up. Cheers, Chris. -------------------- TO: Chris Tomlin FROM: Roland Montenegro RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Need-to-Know Wednesday Dear Chris, Not to sound smug, but I must assure you that New Line Cinema is normally accustomed to getting what it wants. Allow me to remind you that Hollywood magic can be a powerful thing, and while the walking trees of the Lord of the Rings trilogy may have been awe-inspiring on-screen, they invoke a much different response when peering into and throwing rocks through one's window in the still dead of night. That said, we are willing to hear your demands. Yours, Roland ----------------- TO: Roland Montenegro FROM: Chris Tomlin Dear Roland, I do not appreciate your strongarming tactics. Here are the demands which much be met before I will consider selling you the name: - A special DVD of the movie BLADE, made just for me, with all mentions of the hero's name Blade removed and replaced, with original actors' dubbing, with my own name. Also, the cover of said DVD will have the title BLADE replaced with the title CHRIS TOMLIN. - An arranged lunch (catered) with the leading cast of the dance extravaganza Take the Lead. I have questions for Alfre Woodard. - The Green Goblin costume from Spiderman 1, worn by Willem Defoe, resized to my own measurements (see attached), and a sworn affidavit rendering me immune to any public appearances I may make in said costume. When these demands are met, we'll talk. Cheers, Chris. ----------------- TO: Chris Tomlin FROM: Roland Montenegro RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Need-to-Know Wednesday Dear Chris, Were this title not already printed on crew member t-shirts, I can tell you that New Line Cinema would never resort to succumbing to such extortion. However, I have spoken with the original editor of Blade and he is considering the option. I can only get you two members of the school board from Take the Lead, and regret to inform you that the original Green Goblin costume currently resides at a Planet Hollywood in Salt Lake City. I can, however, get you a toboggan worn by Macy Gray during the "Green Goblin destroys the parade" sequence. Please respond. Yours, Roland ------------- TO: Roland Montenegro FROM: Chris Tomlin RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Need-to-Know Wednesday Roland, You have a deal. Chris. ------------------ So there you have it, folks. Everyone has a price. But be aware that things in Hollywood change like the weather, so there's a strong possibility this deal will still fall through. Should things go well, I'll return next week with You-have-to-know-this Wednesday, but until then enjoy this today's clip, and thank God you don't live in Charlotte, NC. Unless you do. That is all.