SEC Slant

"Yeah, that's right, stand firm in that pocket sugar." Does anyone else kind of wish it was Ohio St. starting the season 0-2? Don't get me wrong, I'm extracting plenty of joy from watching Michigan's crash/burn, but you know it would taste even sweeter if it were our Abercrombie-draped, Eucre-playing, The Fray concert going, forever overrated neighbors to the North, wouldn't it? Anyway, the hazy SEC picture was sharpened a bit on Saturday, here's the slant... LSU (vs Va. Tech W 48-7): I think it's about time LSU donated some of their speed to charity. Does one team really need three RB's with sub 4.4 speed, or 25 LB's equipped like Lincoln Navigators? The Tigers are indeed the scariest team in all the land thus far, and now that their offense has come to life, well, who knows where the line will be drawn. Let's not forget, Va. Tech, for all of their offensive incapacities, boast an imposing defense. LSU thought it was cute. Sophomore RB Keiland Williams had 127 yards and 2 TD's (one of which elicited memories of Reggie Bush) on just 7 carries. Yeah, he'll probably be 3rd string next week. Let the Les Miles to Michigan rumors commence! Next Game: 9/15 Middle Tenn St. LB Ali Highsmith Auburn (vs S. Florida L 23-26 OT): Bad Auburn, bad! How can a program so proud and so rife with freakish athleticism on defense have such a miserable offense? QB Brandon Cox has already cemented himself as the most overrated player in the SEC, and RB U is only handing out failing grades this term. Chalk up another one for da Bulls of South Florida, who are making these upsets over perrenial powers frequently enough that you can no longer call them upsets. USF is no joke, and only illustrates how abundant the prep talent in Florida really is. Still, 'tis a shame War Eagle can't assemble a D-1 caliber O to help out Quentin Groves and Co. Next Game: 9/15 Miss St. South Carolina (@ UGA W 16-13): There's a reason Steve Spurrier himself is bigger than the SC football program; the OBC just plain wins. The Gamecocks's win b/t the hedges is enormous, and they got it done in atypical Spurrier fashion: with defense. That's right, the man built upon fun n' gun 40 point halves is playing some vintage smash mouthery with this fast Carolina D. If there were any questions as to wheather this team was capable of taking the East, they were answered Saturday. Next Game: 9/15 SC State Georgia: Shame on the Dawgs. UGA blew a tremendous opportunity to stamp their status as the team to beat in the SEC East, at home nonetheless. Not to take away from the SC defense, but there's no excuse for not being able to muster at least one single touchdown with the talent on this offense. Next Game: 9/15 Western Carolina Florida (vs Troy W 59-31): Well, Tebow hasn't missed a beat, as his specifications state, and Urban's brand of spread-option ball looks even scarier this season. However, the Gators will be without star reciever Andre Caldwell (strained MCL) and RB Brandon James (ankle) for the world-changing showdown with the Vols next week. Next game: 9/15 Tennessee Tennessee (vs So. Miss W 39-19): RB Arian Foster showed no signs of a Cal-over, rushing for 125 yds and 2 scores. The bad news: CB Antonio Gaines sustained what Fulmer would only term a "significant injury," which can only mean he'll be missing some substantial time. That leaves an already young defense even greener. Next Game: 9/15 @Florida Alabama (@ Vandy W 24-10): Fr. RB Terry Grant is the real deal folks. He's averaging a staggering 7.3 ypr with 5 TD's on the season. With a potent running attack now evident, a solid QB, talented defense, favorable schedule, and Ted Dibiase on the sidelines, Bama just might be a worthy #2 in the West. Next Game: 9/15 Arkansas When you actually break it down, Bama's win over Vandy only cost $3.4 mil. SEC Pa'er Rankings: 1. LSU--Decent. 2. Florida--"Tebow want #1. Tebow must wait, Vols in way." 3. South Carolina--That ol ball coach is a sandbaggin sonuvabitch, but he sho' can coach. 4. Arkansas--McFadden healthy. End o' story. 5. Tennessee--Still a lot of weaponry, unfortunately, just as many defensive question marks. 6. Kentucky--Best offensive skill set in the conference, can the D bend and not break? 7. Alabama--Slick Nick isn't wasting time. Can you say 'sleeper'? 8. Georgia--No excuses against Carolina. 9. Auburn--Just, don't even take the field on offense anymore, please. 10. Vandy--Still a bit short in a few spots, but they'll get their upset. 11. Ole Miss--ranked here on tailgating prowess alone. 12. Miss St.--With a win over Tulane, season now complete. Southeastern wisdom: "To Southerners, football is as essential as air conditioning." Dan Jenkins