This Summer's Hottest Movies Explained By Kids

Kids are incredibly imaginative and surprisingly perceptive about the adult world.  Oftentimes, adults don’t give them enough credit, but I believe you can learn a lot if you entertain and seek out the perspectives and opinions of children.  I spent this Father’s Day weekend hanging out with my kids at the pool, where I got completely sunburnt, despite wearing SPF 50, swinging in my new ENO hammock, taking ‘er easy, as well as discussing this summer’s upcoming movie lineup.  However, rather than letting them watch the newest trailers and be spoon-fed the general storylines as I normally would, I conducted an interview with them, wherein I only showed them the movie poster to the forthcoming feature films and then asked them both to explain to me what the movie was about.   Below, my daughters, “A” aged 10 and “E” aged 7, share their insight into this summer’s hottest films.

The Shallows (June 2016)

A:  “I think the movie is about a big scary deep sea monster, maybe a big shark, that starts attacking people or it could be about an animal that looks scary but wasn’t, and now mean people are trying to capture it.”
E:  “It’s about a girl who captured a shark and trained it to be nice!”

Swiss Army Man (June 2016)

A:  “About people that go to heaven?  This looks really weird Dad.”
E:  “He looks dead or really sick.  What did he eat?”  “I have to pee!”
A:  “Wait, is that Harry Potter?  It IS Harry Potter!  Dad can we see that?”

The Purge:  Election Year (July 2016)

A:  “What is this?  Is that a joke?  The movie is about the election and like how weird people get elected!”
E:  “Is about George Washington?  Or is it about how people get elected (meaning electrocuted) and they get shocked (mimics what happens when you get shocked and makes buzzing noises until we have to tell her to stop)!”

The Infiltrator (July 2016)

A:  “Is that Poppy (her grandfather)?  I think the guy that looks like Poppy, trains people then betrays them.”
E:  “He’s a dad that lives alone and he wants to smoke and maybe he wants to solve problems or maybe even hurt people, because he has a bad mustache and looks mysterious.”

Star Trek Beyond (July 2016)

A:  “Duh, space.”
E:  “About someone who goes to outer-space and then comes back from beyond.  There’s dangers out there and they have an assignment in space.  The aliens or humans have to go past, like beyond, the sign that says Do Not Go Beyond This Point, they do, and they probably get in trouble.”

Lights Out (July 2016)

E:  “I’m thinking the movie is about dominoes sleeping in bed, because I see dominoes and it looks like they’re in a cozy bed and the tape is their covers.”
A:  “I think it’s about someone who gets captured, because in the picture there’s tape holding it down and that usually means something dark or around midnight.  That makes me think of something scary.  Can we see that?”

The Founder (August 2016)

A:  “The movie is about the guy that created McDonald’s.”
E:  “I think it’s the Joker standing in front of McDonald’s.  The Joker has his hair pulled back, just like the new Joker and he’s standing in front of the symbol of McDonald’s.  I bet he ate all the food for himself and got fat.  Can we eat at McDonald’s for lunch?”

Sausage Party (August 2016)

A:  “This looks disgusting!  It’s about a sausage guy and he went to a party where he wasn’t invited.  He’s a really special sausage, unlike the other ones and deep down he’s a good guy, but weird.”
E:  “I’m thinking his sausage friends get eaten and then this sausage gets some other sausages to attack the human that ate his friends.  Dad, you eat a lot of hot dogs.  Remember when you ate like seven in one day?  You ate a hotdog for breakfast once too.  Dad, I’m getting really hungry.”

Don’t Breathe (August 2016)

A:  “These people can’t breathe because something got in the air and they had to stay inside in one place and they couldn’t do a lot of stuff either.  Or it could mean that there is something really scary happening in that house, or maybe it’s a hotel and they were stuck there.  They can’t make a sound like breathing or any other vibrations or someone or something will get them.”
E:  *covers eyes*

War Dogs (August 2016)

E:  “Dad, is that guy the same person that used to be on your favorite show called Man v Food?  Yeah, that’s him dad!  Are we going to go to McDonald’s for lunch?”

 

So there you have it!  Which summer movie are you excited to see?