Welcome to UK Football-topia

Barrett Lindseyabout 5 years

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Aritcle written by:Barrett LindseyBarrett Lindsey
  [caption id="attachment_200875" align="aligncenter" width="600"]commonwealth UK Athletics[/caption] Would you rather UK be a football or basketball powerhouse? This seems to be an increasingly popular debate among UK fans these days. Obviously UK is known for its rich basketball history but it is certainly very fun to think about a world in which UK was known for hanging banners in football. What would this world be like? What would a college football Saturday be like for a fan in this alternative world? I took some time to paint a picture of the planet on which UK football is king. The planet that this storied, perennial powerhouse, Kentucky football dynasty would call home would be a strange place but not too much different from our own Earth. The laws of physics would differ from our own because, well, they would have to. Gravity and other natural forces would behave more in favor of the Cats. Frictional forces would behave in such a way that players would rarely lose their footing so infamous clips, like the one of Morgan Newton biting the dust against WKU, wouldn’t exist. Gravity would be slightly weaker, not pulling balls so quickly to the turf, giving our receivers more time to save bobbled passes. Space and time would be interwoven in such a way to allow Kentucky football to thrive and give way to a tradition many fans in our own world have always dreamed about. Just think about how a college football Saturday would be for UK fans on this alternative planet. UK fans are known for their passion and love for basketball so one could only assume they would bring the same enthusiasm for a football team that’s known as a traditional power. The Commonwealth Stadium we all know here on Earth wouldn’t exist in the UK Football-topia. Instead Commonwealth would have been destroyed over a decade ago and a new 105,000 seat, state of the art, mega structure called Kentucky Sports Radio Wildcat Stadium equipped with universal Wi-Fi, seat backs, giant concourses, gourmet stadium food, and no bathroom lines would be built in its place. Parking and traffic still would still be an issue but this alternative world wouldn’t necessarily be a perfect one. College football Saturdays would be a marvel at KSR Wildcat Stadium. A sea of blue would flood the parking lots, side streets, and fraternity tailgates. Getting season tickets would only be a dream to most fans in UK Football-topia because the waiting list would be longer than the Green Bay Packers’. Fans would pay through the nose with no remorse for a nose bleed ticket just to get a seat to catch a glimpse of their beloved Cat’s playing Vanderbilt. Even on down years there wouldn’t be a single fan not convinced we have a shot to win it all. In UK Football-topia when the Cat’s didn’t win it all, fans would immediately begin dreaming about next year’s national title celebration. Not winning a national title, however, would raise questions regarding the current UK head coach, Mark Stoops, and generate discussions on whether or not he should be fired after following a 7-5 season with an 8-4 season in which they barely scraped buy Vanderbilt with a last second Drew Barker QB sneak. They would call in to local sports talk shows frustrated, making comparisons to the legendary Joker Phillip's era where they enjoyed 3 national titles and never finished with a record worse than 10-2. But, as soon as national signing day rolled around and a new juggernaut recruiting class was welcomed in, filled with four and five star recruits, some of which stolen away from other lesser SEC schools like Alabama and LSU, all the coaching concerns of fans would quickly fade. The fans in this alternative world would be naïve and spoiled, completely unaware of the misfortunes and disappointment felt by UK football fans here in our world. They would look back on their rich history with pride remembering all of the great moments in their past, such as the time UK scored on a last second desperation hail mary against top ranked LSU under the lights of Tiger Stadium in Death Valley. They'd reminiscence their domination of Louisville, and all the blowout wins of the recent years, mocking Bobby Petrino every opportunity they got. If you told a fan living in UK Football-topia that just getting to the Music City Bowl was good enough for you, they would laugh you out of the Blue lot. They would scorn you for not renewing season tickets and wouldn’t be able to fathom why one would choose to sit in their house and watch the game on the SEC Network (although in UK Football-topia the Cats would play most of their games on CBS). UK Football-topia might exist somewhere out there in the far reaches of our universe although we have no scientific evidence to prove it. The technology we would need to search for such a place is hundreds even thousands of years away. We can’t get on a spaceship or travel through a wormhole to travel there and be a part of their great tradition so for now we can only dream. Even if such a place doesn’t exist it is fun to dream about but more importantly it’s a place that we as fans can strive to duplicate. Or come close, anyway.

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2021-09-26