What’s Up, Miami Hurricanes Fans … Are U?

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IN THE BEGINNING, CANESPORT CREATED A NEWSLETTER

We know, we know, change is hard. We’re still in Week 1 of our new not-such-a-Good-Morning-CaneSport format, and no, it’s not your fault that you are reading this instead. It’s Gary’s fault. But there is some good news out there to offset this horrible new morning column idea. Because a new Pew Research study shows that Miami fans are happier than the average fan, mainly because they are so used to disappointment over the last 22 years and now seem to have a ray of hope. This is based, of course, not on the 2-0 start but on the recently discovered scroll attributed to Nostradamus. It was loosely translated as saying “And The Hurricanes Shall Wipe Everyone Out In The Year Of Our Lord 2025.” This is directly from trusted news source NLP, not to be confused with NPR, BRB or LOL, although NLP may have misinterpreted it as a weather event and forgot to mention the year he said it would happen.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE THE HURRICANES

Miami fans will probably love the Hurricanes even more – is that possible? – if UM makes them some money. So this morning be sure to check out our U Bet CaneSport feature with Lee Sterling. If making easy money isn’t your thing? Well, you can at least spend your money wisely. So we offer you a choice: You can either get a Starbucks Iced Mocha that will last you five minutes … or get a month of CaneSport and check us out. We’ll even let you get the first week for $1 and will include a sub to The Athletic with it simply because we are really nice people and understand all the Cane suffering you’ve been through for like 22 years. Although obviously that will finally end this year thanks to Nostradamus.

HEADLINES OF THE DAY

Not only can you make money with U Bet CaneSport, but we have our new Message Board Mania feature, aka Matt Shodell Makes Fun Of Fans, focused on what those trolls think about the betting line. Oh, and there also were Miami players talking with us yesterday about some very average upcoming opponent and what their fun plans are for the weekend since the game won’t require much effort. You can read all about that on the front page. Also be sure to check out The Lamar Thomas Show if you want to see someone who actually can be nice and respectful to Gary on a podcast. Mario Cristobal also is very respectful talking about USF in our story with him this morning … although we’re not sure why. And AI bots we have given the cute names “Stephen” and “Luke” continue to pound out recruiting content, apparently blissfully unaware recruits are not needed anymore with NIL and the transfer portal here.

AND NOW … A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSORS

Today’s What Up, Miami Hurricanes Fans … Are U segment is brought to you by Mario Cristobal’s favorite product – Hard Water. Yes, Hard Water is a real thing described as “water containing high levels of dissolved minerals, primarily calcium and magnesium.” So why is it Mario’s favorite? Well, not because he drinks it (I think that may be dangerous), but simply because it’s hard. Remember, nothing comes easy. The hard way is always the best way. And Hard Water kicks the ass of regular, crappy soft water. If the Miami Hurricanes can play like Hard Water each and every week, their opponents will dissolve like a tablet of Alka-Seltzer. Now that I think about it, maybe Alka-Seltzer should have been today’s sponsor since it’s been a rough 22 years for Cane fans.

TODAY’S DIVINE SIGN A MIAMI CHAMPIONSHIP IS UPON US

Okay, this one was weird but is definitely a sign the Canes are championship-bound. I was doing my daily walk to work out (I know, you wouldn’t think it to look at me) when a squirrel literally fell off a phone wire onto the street about 10 yards in front of me. Sort of horror-movie like it twitched around like it was brain dead and spasming. And then it ran off. So, my thinking goes, have the Canes been sort of playing dead since 2001 and now are coming to life? I’m going with that. It seems more like a real sign than a Nostradamus predition.

MATT’S CANESPORT MESSAGE BOARD VICTIM OF THE DAY

Today’s MCMBVOTD goes to a well deserving Canedawg15, who puts on his best Matt Shodell hat and adds a negative twist to the excellent Miami Hurricanes defense we’ve seen to this point. In a thread started by 4EVERCANE, my dawg writes “Last year the defense didn’t implode until midway through the season so I will hold my assessment.” Obviously Mr. 15 needs to start drinking hard water. That’s a pretty soft take.

DISCLAIMER: All names in this story have been changed to protect privacy, and most of what you just read was completely made up but some of it could have a basis in real or historical fiction

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