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Deadspin's Haters Guide to the Top 25

Shmuley

Shmuley

Heisman
Mar 6, 2008
23,703
10,262
113
I gotta say this one had me rolling:

19. Penn State: Listen, I don't wanna say mean things about Joe Paterno. He's a national treasure and a sweet old man. But he's gonna poop himself on the sidelines this year. He is. Someone will ask him over the headset if he's happy with the defensive formation and he's not gonna hear them because he'll be too busy unloading into the cheesecloth he wrapped around his Jockeys. Then he'll have to stay still the entire half so that no one will know, with poop running down his gimpy old leg the whole time. Then he's gonna go into the locker room and be like, URRGH I **** MYSELF AGAIN, BOYS! Then they'll have to wipe him off and wheel him back out. I don't want that to happen. It's not right. Let the man go out with dignity. Cut his oxygen tank tube.
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J

JimC1097

Redshirt
Mar 3, 2008
1,378
0
0
Damn it would be easy to recruit at USC. Meet the guys at the plane, parade the cheerleaders in front of them while at the beach and say "welcome to USC boys"..... They would have a stampede for signings.
 
T

therightway

Redshirt
Aug 26, 2009
1,801
0
0
11. Oregon: I had a bunch of nice things to say about this team, but Jeremiah Masoli stole my laptop. But I look forward to another year of this team wearing unis that give Japanese children Parkinson's disease. Also, the people of Oregon are Beaver-toothed, bike-riding fuckfaces.
 
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