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Happy Avid Reader Day!

HD6

HD6

Sophomore
Apr 8, 2003
10,019
108
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Mount Everest is actually a kidney stone the Avid Reader passed in 1965.

The Avid Reader taught "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair the secrets of the figure four leglock.

The Avid Reader once made love to Sophia Loren just so he could tell her she wasn't as good as Ann Margret.

The sitcom "The Jeffersons" was based on the life of the Avid Reader, only he's not black, has never run a dry cleaning business, and wouldn't dream of moving up North. Everything else fits though.

There is a level of Homeland Security Alert higher than red, it's Avid.

The nation of Bangladesh's gross national product is 28 dollars less than what the Avid Reader brought in last year.

The Avid Reader once snuck into Lenin's tomb and took a picture of himself ********** the former Soviet Leader.

The language of Esperanto was developed by the United Nations to be able to have meetings without the Avid Reader knowing the details.

The Avid Reader loves to watch Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't know, that's just a good show.

Comedy Central planned to roast the Avid Reader, but nobody had the balls to cross him.

The Avid Reader was considered for an NFL expansion team when the Jaguars and Panthers came in, but re-writing the NFL rulebook to fit one player teams seemed a bit difficult.

The power of Christ would not compel the Avid Reader.

Gladiator actually depicts the story of the Avid Reader's ancestor, Avidus Readeriumus.

The Avid Reader built an aircraft carrier he uses on the Tombigbee to waterski.

The UFC was started as a way for men to learn to fight off an attack from the Avid Reader.

President Obama recently requested the Avid Reader join his team as Badass Czar.

The Avid Reader tried to enter The Mauler in the Daytona 500, but Bill France said he would have to settle for the Craftsman Truck Series. The Avid Reader does not settle.

The Avid Reader bought Neil Peart his first drum kit.
 
HD6

HD6

Sophomore
Apr 8, 2003
10,019
108
63
Mount Everest is actually a kidney stone the Avid Reader passed in 1965.

The Avid Reader taught "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair the secrets of the figure four leglock.

The Avid Reader once made love to Sophia Loren just so he could tell her she wasn't as good as Ann Margret.

The sitcom "The Jeffersons" was based on the life of the Avid Reader, only he's not black, has never run a dry cleaning business, and wouldn't dream of moving up North. Everything else fits though.

There is a level of Homeland Security Alert higher than red, it's Avid.

The nation of Bangladesh's gross national product is 28 dollars less than what the Avid Reader brought in last year.

The Avid Reader once snuck into Lenin's tomb and took a picture of himself ********** the former Soviet Leader.

The language of Esperanto was developed by the United Nations to be able to have meetings without the Avid Reader knowing the details.

The Avid Reader loves to watch Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't know, that's just a good show.

Comedy Central planned to roast the Avid Reader, but nobody had the balls to cross him.

The Avid Reader was considered for an NFL expansion team when the Jaguars and Panthers came in, but re-writing the NFL rulebook to fit one player teams seemed a bit difficult.

The power of Christ would not compel the Avid Reader.

Gladiator actually depicts the story of the Avid Reader's ancestor, Avidus Readeriumus.

The Avid Reader built an aircraft carrier he uses on the Tombigbee to waterski.

The UFC was started as a way for men to learn to fight off an attack from the Avid Reader.

President Obama recently requested the Avid Reader join his team as Badass Czar.

The Avid Reader tried to enter The Mauler in the Daytona 500, but Bill France said he would have to settle for the Craftsman Truck Series. The Avid Reader does not settle.

The Avid Reader bought Neil Peart his first drum kit.
 
HD6

HD6

Sophomore
Apr 8, 2003
10,019
108
63
Mount Everest is actually a kidney stone the Avid Reader passed in 1965.

The Avid Reader taught "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair the secrets of the figure four leglock.

The Avid Reader once made love to Sophia Loren just so he could tell her she wasn't as good as Ann Margret.

The sitcom "The Jeffersons" was based on the life of the Avid Reader, only he's not black, has never run a dry cleaning business, and wouldn't dream of moving up North. Everything else fits though.

There is a level of Homeland Security Alert higher than red, it's Avid.

The nation of Bangladesh's gross national product is 28 dollars less than what the Avid Reader brought in last year.

The Avid Reader once snuck into Lenin's tomb and took a picture of himself ********** the former Soviet Leader.

The language of Esperanto was developed by the United Nations to be able to have meetings without the Avid Reader knowing the details.

The Avid Reader loves to watch Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't know, that's just a good show.

Comedy Central planned to roast the Avid Reader, but nobody had the balls to cross him.

The Avid Reader was considered for an NFL expansion team when the Jaguars and Panthers came in, but re-writing the NFL rulebook to fit one player teams seemed a bit difficult.

The power of Christ would not compel the Avid Reader.

Gladiator actually depicts the story of the Avid Reader's ancestor, Avidus Readeriumus.

The Avid Reader built an aircraft carrier he uses on the Tombigbee to waterski.

The UFC was started as a way for men to learn to fight off an attack from the Avid Reader.

President Obama recently requested the Avid Reader join his team as Badass Czar.

The Avid Reader tried to enter The Mauler in the Daytona 500, but Bill France said he would have to settle for the Craftsman Truck Series. The Avid Reader does not settle.

The Avid Reader bought Neil Peart his first drum kit.
 
seshomoru

seshomoru

Sophomore
Apr 24, 2006
5,542
199
63
Evacuation orders have gone out immediately.

Most Gulf hurricanes are simply a result of Avid Reader eating a bunch of beans.

Lebron James is witness to Avid Reader.

Avid Reader has already spread the fun.

Avid Reader has never had someone sink his battleship.

Avid Reader can go up the slides in Chutes and Ladders.

Pizzas get delivered to Avid Reader 30 minutes before he even calls.

Avid Reader is actually a cat person.

Avid Reader is the father of all your children.

Avid Reader did not make at least a 24 on the English section of his ACT but is neither a dubmass nor a *****.
 
HD6

HD6

Sophomore
Apr 8, 2003
10,019
108
63
Chaucer wrote The Avid Reader's Tale, but his depiction of him as all powerful led to the Church decrying it as heresy and banning it at the Council of Trent.
 
O

o_dawgman13

Redshirt
Mar 3, 2008
18
0
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">The Avid Reader taught Captain Sully Sullenberger how to land but Sully skipped the part about not hitting birds when flying.

The Avid Reader is very funny and once Jerry Seinfeld told the Avid Reader that he was very funny.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">You remember in Swingers when Vince Vaughn was talking about the man behind the man behind the man behind the man. The avid reader was the man behind the last man.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">Mel Kiper Jr. uses the man juice of the Avid reader to perfectly gel his hair.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">The Avid reader taught Susan Boyle how to dance.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">The Avid reader invented the Snuggie because he needed warmth when climbing to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">The Avid Reader did not test positive for steroids in 2003.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">The Avid Reader is the only person who actually understands the thoughts of Gary Busey.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">The Avid Reader is actually the Caribbean Queen that Billy Ocean sings about.

The Avid Reader taught Mel Gibson the phrase Sugar tits.

</p>
 
A

Agentdog

Redshirt
Aug 16, 2006
1,433
0
0
This thread is hilarious. Probably less humorous but my practical attempt

</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><font face="Arial">Avid Reader does not have to be a coach to post his opinion about sports on the internet because he DOES know more than the coaches.</font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

<font face="Arial"> </font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><font face="Arial">Avid Reader can do better, applied for the coaching job and got it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> Dan Mullen is just a decoy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

<font face="Arial"> </font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><font face="Arial">The video board at Davis Wade uses no cameras.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> Just telepathy from Avid Reader.</font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

<font face="Arial"> </font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><font face="Arial">You ask; How did State win any games with Croom's offense?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> Avid Reader's telekinetic powers.</font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

<font face="Arial"> </font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><font face="Arial">All of Grey Brynes' ideas come from Avid Reader.</font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

<font face="Arial"> </font></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><font face="Arial">Avid Reader once banned Gene from Gene's Page.</font></p>

</p>
 
B

BigMotherTucker

Sophomore
Aug 20, 2006
6,760
114
63
Avid Reader is the reason why there is a lady affectionately known as UniTit.

Avid Readers favorite flower is daffodils, nice knowing you Doc.
 
HD6

HD6

Sophomore
Apr 8, 2003
10,019
108
63
actually reads "I am the Lord Your God, thou shalt have no other gods before me, but The Avid Reader is damn close."
 
T

The Big Slick

Redshirt
Aug 29, 2006
678
0
0
In 325 A.D, the Council of Nicea chose the Hebrew Book of Genesis as the Christian account of the creation. Constantine ordered all copys of the Book of Avid Reader destroyed, for its contents would leave the Church powerless and shake the very foundations Christianity. No one knows for sure what the book described. Many scholars believe it offers an account of The Avid Reader jumping in a time machine and going back in time 5.5 Billion years to ejaculate into the premordial ooze....thus making the him the creator of life on earth.
 
seshomoru

seshomoru

Sophomore
Apr 24, 2006
5,542
199
63
Stansfield said:
I wish Chuck Norris jokes would commit suicide.
Click to expand...
Chuck Norris does what Avid Reader tells him to do. You could call and see what he can do about it. Avid Reader is #1 on everybody's speed dial.
 
C

coursesuper

Redshirt
Nov 1, 2007
773
0
16
Avid Reader just shot 56 on 36 holes, he drove evry par four and par five with only and gap wegde and lob wedge the only the reason he shot a mere 56 was he had a balky puter on the on the first 18. On the second 18 he left his putter in his bag on the holes that were not a hole in one began using well aimed flatulance to advance his ball on the greens. The result was that he had no two puts on the second 18 and broke his own course record again. All in all a banner day for Avid Reader on the links.
 
J

JimHalpert.nafoom

Guest
The Avid Reader was Stringer Bell's business school professor.

The Avid Reader thinks Winston Churchill quotes are for pussies. Real men quote the Avid Reader.
 
dawgstudent

dawgstudent

Heisman
Apr 15, 2003
39,264
18,426
113
There was a guy on genespage that would talk about bad about this message board when we first started. We called him The Avid Reader because he never posted but he had to read because he knew what was posted. His username was his actual real name. So we had (insert real name) Day. It was on a Friday and we made up stories about how him - his balls weigh 500 pounds, etc. So to carry on the tradition, that Friday was the last Friday before the summer solstice. It was then written that (insert real name) Day was to be celebrated on that last friday before summer started. Later on, he didn't want to us to use his real name so it became either Avid Reader Day or <Redacted> Day.
 
S

Sutterkane

Redshirt
Jan 23, 2007
5,100
0
0
about 30 minutes later, Avid Reader created a town named "Through" just outside of Maben, complete with its own ecosystem, and promptly picked it up out of the ground and passed it with a throwing motion better than Bret Favre 100 miles north.
 
K

KurtRambis4

Redshirt
Aug 30, 2006
15,926
0
0
the grill was moving because Avid Reader needed more parking space in the district for all his women
 
O

olddawgfan

Redshirt
Nov 20, 2007
148
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What time can I come by and pick up my free pizza?</p>

Make it a time when you will be there so I can meet your ***. You looked a lot bigger than me in that picture in the paper, so don't worry about me taking a swing at you.</p>
 
T

Todd4State

Redshirt
Mar 3, 2008
17,411
1
0
Avid reader wrote all of the music for Led Zeppelin's first four albums and invented the symbols for the fourth. He just allows Zeppelin to play them.

Avid reader actually wrote Blazing Saddles, and it was good.

Avid reader created Cindy Crawford's mole.

Avid reader called Babe Ruth's shot and then erased all evidence of it except for that one blurry photo.
 
B

bullysleftnut

Redshirt
May 23, 2006
493
0
0
Blues Singer Robert Johnson didn't make a deal with the devil at a Delta Crossroads -- he made it with the Avid Reader who was in the area looking for a good tamale stand.
The Avid Reader beat the Apollo program to the moon by 6 months using only a '57 Chevy and holding his breath the entire time.
 
L

lawdawg02

Redshirt
Jan 23, 2007
4,120
0
0
through himself. he is also more interesting than the most interesting man in the world.



</p>
 
M

mstate1977

Redshirt
Mar 4, 2009
183
0
0
I'd love to meet him someday, but I can only assume he's already done a background check on me and I've been deemed unworthy.
 
HD6

HD6

Sophomore
Apr 8, 2003
10,019
108
63
From the writings of Nostradamus......

And lo, six of them will arise, to remove themselves from the flock. They will be cast out, and yet, the truth will prevail for them in the years of the Walrus. And the one who reads avidly shall rise, and it is he they will honor above all others. On the day of the solstice, the celebration will be vast.</p>
 
B

BigMotherTucker

Sophomore
Aug 20, 2006
6,760
114
63
HD6 said:
From the writings of Nostradamus......

And lo, six of them will arise, to remove themselves from the flock. They will be cast out, and yet, the truth will prevail for them in the years of the Walrus. And the one who reads avidly shall rise, and it is he they will honor above all others. On the day of the solstice, the celebration will be vast.</p>
Click to expand...
/Quality
 
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