Hilarious inside look at the PAC-10 meeting discussions on expansion.
- Thread starter patdog
- Start date
Mike Slive: Okay, guys. All of this conference expansion talk isn't talk anymore. Colorado just bolted for the Pac 10. Nebraska is going to the Big 10. The Texas schools are going somewhere. What do we want to do?
Alabama: It doesn't matter to us. We'll kick whoever's ***.
Auburn: Screw you, Alabama. You only won the national championship because you sold your soul to Satan.
Alabama: We ripped him off. We have no soul.
Slive: Alright guys, let's be serious. What about offering Texas and Texas A&M.
Ole Miss: We tried that already, it resulted in Arkansas over there
Arkansas: WOOOOOO PIGGGGGG SOOOOOOOIE.
Slive: True. What about Texas A&M without Texas.
LSU: Dem political hacks over thar in Tejas wont let that happen.
Mississippi State: Did you guys know that Texas has a cow that runs on the field, and it has a bell. Some people bring cowbells to games. That's our thing.
Alabama: Shut the hell up MSU. You are lucky you are a charter member.
Slive: I've just received notice that Southern Mississippi is asking for consideration.
All: 35 minutes of extreme laugher.
Slive: Damn them for wasting our time. What about Missouri or Clemson?
Auburn: We already have two sets of Tigers in the conference and that confuses some fans.
South Carolina: Plus, have you ever been to Clemson? Its like Starkville with a lake.
LSU: Death Valley is in Baton Rouge.
Florida walks in, wearing jorts, of course.
Florida: Hey losers, what'd I miss?
Slive: We were talking about possible conference expansion.
Florida: Oh cool, I'll call my bros at Florida State.
Tennessee: aw hell naw we don't need nobody trying to out thug us.
Florida: Its cool, Tennessee. You might get a chance to win a game in the state of Florida.
Georgia fistbumps Florida.
Alabama: Its funny because Tennessee can't win in Florida.
Vanderbilt: Well, it goes without saying that we should offer Tulane a spot for their excellent academic reputation.
LSU: Tulane still plays sports?
Mike Slive: We're not inviting Tulane. They left the SEC years ago. What about Georgia Tech?
Mississippi State: Georgia Tech won't work because Ole Miss doesn't know how to get to Atlanta.
Ole Miss: You're lucky you are a charter member, MSU.
Everyone else: So are you, Ole Miss.
Mike Slive: We could reach into a new market by adding Virginia Tech.
Tennessee: Virginia is so far away.
Vanderbilt: Blacksburg is an hour from Knoxville, dumbass. You would be the two closest schools in the conference.
Mike Slive: And there is always the possibility of going into North Carolina.
Kentucky: We don't need anyone else up in here caring more about basketball than football, thank you very much.
Mike Slive: Well, we could always stay where we are and it wouldn't be very much work.
Everyone: Sounds good.
Meeting adjourned.
Alabama: It doesn't matter to us. We'll kick whoever's ***.
Auburn: Screw you, Alabama. You only won the national championship because you sold your soul to Satan.
Alabama: We ripped him off. We have no soul.
Slive: Alright guys, let's be serious. What about offering Texas and Texas A&M.
Ole Miss: We tried that already, it resulted in Arkansas over there
Arkansas: WOOOOOO PIGGGGGG SOOOOOOOIE.
Slive: True. What about Texas A&M without Texas.
LSU: Dem political hacks over thar in Tejas wont let that happen.
Mississippi State: Did you guys know that Texas has a cow that runs on the field, and it has a bell. Some people bring cowbells to games. That's our thing.
Alabama: Shut the hell up MSU. You are lucky you are a charter member.
Slive: I've just received notice that Southern Mississippi is asking for consideration.
All: 35 minutes of extreme laugher.
Slive: Damn them for wasting our time. What about Missouri or Clemson?
Auburn: We already have two sets of Tigers in the conference and that confuses some fans.
South Carolina: Plus, have you ever been to Clemson? Its like Starkville with a lake.
LSU: Death Valley is in Baton Rouge.
Florida walks in, wearing jorts, of course.
Florida: Hey losers, what'd I miss?
Slive: We were talking about possible conference expansion.
Florida: Oh cool, I'll call my bros at Florida State.
Tennessee: aw hell naw we don't need nobody trying to out thug us.
Florida: Its cool, Tennessee. You might get a chance to win a game in the state of Florida.
Georgia fistbumps Florida.
Alabama: Its funny because Tennessee can't win in Florida.
Vanderbilt: Well, it goes without saying that we should offer Tulane a spot for their excellent academic reputation.
LSU: Tulane still plays sports?
Mike Slive: We're not inviting Tulane. They left the SEC years ago. What about Georgia Tech?
Mississippi State: Georgia Tech won't work because Ole Miss doesn't know how to get to Atlanta.
Ole Miss: You're lucky you are a charter member, MSU.
Everyone else: So are you, Ole Miss.
Mike Slive: We could reach into a new market by adding Virginia Tech.
Tennessee: Virginia is so far away.
Vanderbilt: Blacksburg is an hour from Knoxville, dumbass. You would be the two closest schools in the conference.
Mike Slive: And there is always the possibility of going into North Carolina.
Kentucky: We don't need anyone else up in here caring more about basketball than football, thank you very much.
Mike Slive: Well, we could always stay where we are and it wouldn't be very much work.
Everyone: Sounds good.
Meeting adjourned.
Mike Slive:Thank you all for coming. I've called this meeting to gauge your interest on possibly moving to the SEC.</p>
Georgia Tech:Do you mind? I'm in the middle of a dungeon raid.</p>
Georgia:Figures.</p>
Slive:I don't know what that means. (clears throat)Texas and Texas A&M, you came the farthest to be here. How are you feeling?</p>
Texas A&M:Yes.</p>
Slive:Yes, what?</p>
Texas A&M:Thank you for the invite. I accept.</p>
Arkansas:Awesome! (high fives LSU)</p>
Slive:But I didn't extend any offers yet.</p>
Texas:Don't mind him. We're not coming. I'm too smart for your conference.</p>
Vanderbilt:That's rich. This guy thinks he's funny.</p>
Slive:Can't Texas A&M make his own decisions?</p>
Texas:No. The state legislature won't let us split up, and I'm saying no. C'mon lil' brother, let's blow this joint.</p>
Texas A&M: <font color="#11118b">Yes I can</font>. Wait, come back! Who you calling little brother?</p>
Texas and Texas A&M leave.</p>
Slive:All right. Virginia Tech, how are you feeling?</p>
Virginia Tech:I'll have to ask the governor's office first. That's what got me in the ACC a few years back.</p>
Slive:Sure thing, let's move on. Florida State?</p>
Florida groans and signs dramatically.</p>
Florida State:I might join, but tell me this. How many of you in the SEC currently fear the spear?</p>
Ole Miss:Wait, what?</p>
Florida State:I said do you FEAR THE SPEAR?</p>
Florida:Hell no. You haven't won 10 games since 2003.</p>
Kentucky:Seriously, even I beat you in the Music City Bowl a couple years ago.</p>
Florida State:UNCONQUERED!</p>
Slive:Right. While we're on the subject, Miami...</p>
Miami:Sí, señor.</p>
Slive:What are your thoughts?</p><p class="extend-divide"><a name="storyjump"></a>
</p>
Miami:Creo que la Florida es una niña pequeña.</p>
Florida:I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Your crappy piped in music is echoing too loudly off all the empty seats in your rented stadium.</p>
Mississippi State:Come now, Baxter. You know I don't speak Spanish. Ha ha, see what I did there?</p>
Auburn:I saw it. Niiiiiice.</p>
Alabama:Good Lord. Who gave those two permission to speak? Can we move on?</p>
Slive:Calm down everyone. Last, but certainly not least, we've got Clemson. What is your interest level at?</p>
Clemson:I'd be all for it. Why not make bring the Chicken Curse completely into the SEC?</p>
South Carolina:Hey man, I beat you last season, and this is our year to win the East. You'll see.</p>
Slive:Tennessee, you've been awfully quiet. Do you have anything to add?</p>
Tennessee:Not since Lane Kiffin left.</p>
Slive:Fair enough; I'm not arguing with that. Virginia Tech, did you get a hold of anyone at the governor's office?</p>
Virginia Tech:Yeah, I did. Virginia wants to know what your lacrosse scheduling policies are.</p>
Slive: Virginia? Lacrosse?</p>
Miami:Estoy aburrido. ¡Vamos a la playa, caballeros!</p>
Auburn:Oooh, it's my turn. Baxter! You know I don't...</p>
Alabama:Shut up!</p>
Slive:Gentlemen, it's getting a little out of hand here...</p>
LSU:Hey, Mike. Texas just texted me the lyrics to "California Dreaming." Said it was dedicated to you.</p>
Florida State:Wait a minute. If I join your league, do I have to change the war chant to include the S-E-C chant? Because I am not cool with that.</p>
Slive:Um, if there are no objections, let's resume these meetings next week.</p>
Vanderbilt:Done and done. Who's up for a game of Clue?</p>
Alabama:I'm outta here.</p>
Georgia Tech:Time's up. Let's do this!</p>
Slive:But we just decided to end...</p>
Georgia Tech:LEEEEEEROOOOOOOOY JENKIIIIINNNNSSSSSS!!!</p>
Slive: You know what, everyone? I'll call you.</p>
Fin.</p>
Georgia Tech:Do you mind? I'm in the middle of a dungeon raid.</p>
Georgia:Figures.</p>
Slive:I don't know what that means. (clears throat)Texas and Texas A&M, you came the farthest to be here. How are you feeling?</p>
Texas A&M:Yes.</p>
Slive:Yes, what?</p>
Texas A&M:Thank you for the invite. I accept.</p>
Arkansas:Awesome! (high fives LSU)</p>
Slive:But I didn't extend any offers yet.</p>
Texas:Don't mind him. We're not coming. I'm too smart for your conference.</p>
Vanderbilt:That's rich. This guy thinks he's funny.</p>
Slive:Can't Texas A&M make his own decisions?</p>
Texas:No. The state legislature won't let us split up, and I'm saying no. C'mon lil' brother, let's blow this joint.</p>
Texas A&M: <font color="#11118b">Yes I can</font>. Wait, come back! Who you calling little brother?</p>
Texas and Texas A&M leave.</p>
Slive:All right. Virginia Tech, how are you feeling?</p>
Virginia Tech:I'll have to ask the governor's office first. That's what got me in the ACC a few years back.</p>
Slive:Sure thing, let's move on. Florida State?</p>
Florida groans and signs dramatically.</p>
Florida State:I might join, but tell me this. How many of you in the SEC currently fear the spear?</p>
Ole Miss:Wait, what?</p>
Florida State:I said do you FEAR THE SPEAR?</p>
Florida:Hell no. You haven't won 10 games since 2003.</p>
Kentucky:Seriously, even I beat you in the Music City Bowl a couple years ago.</p>
Florida State:UNCONQUERED!</p>
Slive:Right. While we're on the subject, Miami...</p>
Miami:Sí, señor.</p>
Slive:What are your thoughts?</p><p class="extend-divide"><a name="storyjump"></a>
Miami:Creo que la Florida es una niña pequeña.</p>
Florida:I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Your crappy piped in music is echoing too loudly off all the empty seats in your rented stadium.</p>
Mississippi State:Come now, Baxter. You know I don't speak Spanish. Ha ha, see what I did there?</p>
Auburn:I saw it. Niiiiiice.</p>
Alabama:Good Lord. Who gave those two permission to speak? Can we move on?</p>
Slive:Calm down everyone. Last, but certainly not least, we've got Clemson. What is your interest level at?</p>
Clemson:I'd be all for it. Why not make bring the Chicken Curse completely into the SEC?</p>
South Carolina:Hey man, I beat you last season, and this is our year to win the East. You'll see.</p>
Slive:Tennessee, you've been awfully quiet. Do you have anything to add?</p>
Tennessee:Not since Lane Kiffin left.</p>
Slive:Fair enough; I'm not arguing with that. Virginia Tech, did you get a hold of anyone at the governor's office?</p>
Virginia Tech:Yeah, I did. Virginia wants to know what your lacrosse scheduling policies are.</p>
Slive: Virginia? Lacrosse?</p>
Miami:Estoy aburrido. ¡Vamos a la playa, caballeros!</p>
Auburn:Oooh, it's my turn. Baxter! You know I don't...</p>
Alabama:Shut up!</p>
Slive:Gentlemen, it's getting a little out of hand here...</p>
LSU:Hey, Mike. Texas just texted me the lyrics to "California Dreaming." Said it was dedicated to you.</p>
Florida State:Wait a minute. If I join your league, do I have to change the war chant to include the S-E-C chant? Because I am not cool with that.</p>
Slive:Um, if there are no objections, let's resume these meetings next week.</p>
Vanderbilt:Done and done. Who's up for a game of Clue?</p>
Alabama:I'm outta here.</p>
Georgia Tech:Time's up. Let's do this!</p>
Slive:But we just decided to end...</p>
Georgia Tech:LEEEEEEROOOOOOOOY JENKIIIIINNNNSSSSSS!!!</p>
Slive: You know what, everyone? I'll call you.</p>
Fin.</p>
...and so are the lost texts from Baylor to the Pac10.
(Honestly, you'd think people would learn from the Houston Nutt fiasco).
(Honestly, you'd think people would learn from the Houston Nutt fiasco).