i need idea's for parent with Alzheimer's

[Pookieray]

My 87 yo father has Alzheimer's and my 84 yo mother is the primary caregiver. New years morning he got out of the house and walked 3+ miles to go home, he thinks home is StL, he hasn't lived there for close to 70 years, and obviously got lost. Search and rescue units were out looking for him and we got him back safe. 1-2-26 he left the house at 1 am and got over a mile away before my mother realized he was gone.

How do we keep him in the house, we tried alarms on doors but they have metal doors and they don't work. My sister suggested keyed locks from the inside but that worries me as an 84 yo would need to have her wits about her at all times to put a key in to get out of the house in an emergency.

Any ideas?

 

[T-TownDawgg]

Cameras that send alerts when motion sensors are activated

 

[Shmuley]

My 87 yo father has Alzheimer's and my 84 yo mother is the primary caregiver. New years morning he got out of the house and walked 3+ miles to go home, he thinks home is StL, he hasn't lived there for close to 70 years, and obviously got lost. Search and rescue units were out looking for him and we got him back safe. 1-2-26 he left the house at 1 am and got over a mile away before my mother realized he was gone.

How do we keep him in the house, we tried alarms on doors but they have metal doors and they don't work. My sister suggested keyed locks from the inside but that worries me as an 84 yo would need to have her wits about her at all times to put a key in to get out of the house in an emergency.

Any ideas?

I hate it for your mother. It’s hardest on the spouse caregiver once the care receiver loses competency. Think about your mom and make the hard decision to get Dad into memory care asap.

 

[cowbell88]

Facilities are not ideal and are expensive as hell, but I have piece of mind that they can’t get out and go wondering.

edit to add: with mom also being diabetic, it’s also is piece of mind to make sure she takes her medication correctly.

 

[Dawgbite]

It might be time to seriously consider a care facility that specializes in dementia care. Nobody wants to make that decision but for your moms sake it might be time to consider it.

 

[ZombieKissinger]

I hate it for your mother. It’s hardest on the spouse caregiver once the care receiver loses competency. Think about your mom and make the hard decision to get Dad into memory care asap.

Yeah, it’s not just leaving the house, it’s safety in the house. Would find a place for him to go

 

[Pookieray]

I hate it for your mother. It’s hardest on the spouse caregiver once the care receiver loses competency. Think about your mom and make the hard decision to get Dad into memory care asap.

We are considering that very thing. For the last year we have been getting everything lined up and the VA in Oxford is where he will go once we pull the trigger.

 

[msstatelp1]

Dad got something similar to this for the doors when Mom got bad.

3-1/2-in W x 3-1/2-in H Gloss Door Reinforcer Reinforcing mount https://www.lowes.com/pd/Prime-Line...-Door-Reinforcer-Reinforcing-Mount/5014398683

He wouldn’t let her go to a facility because he promised her he would never do that to her. I am totally awed by the things he did to keep that promise.

After Mom passed I told my kids that if I got to that point, put me in a facility and don’t feel bad because that was what I wanted them to do.

 

[22yardpunt]

My MIL is headed down the same path, the question discussed over the holidays of when is it appropriate to put her in a home. I told my wife in private that she should go in when it becomes too much for her dad to handle and just cannot give her the care she needs.

 

[Puppers]

Facilities are not ideal and are expensive as hell, but I have piece of mind that they can’t get out and go wondering.

Just be careful on which one you pick. My wife's grandmother walked out the front door of hers and was found walking down Poplar Avenue in the middle of the afternoon

 

[hatfieldms]

I hate it for your mother. It’s hardest on the spouse caregiver once the care receiver loses competency. Think about your mom and make the hard decision to get Dad into memory care asap.

This.
We had to do this with my mom 6 years ago. It was tough but necessary

 

[Pookieray]

Dad got something similar to this for the doors when Mom got bad.

3-1/2-in W x 3-1/2-in H Gloss Door Reinforcer Reinforcing mount https://www.lowes.com/pd/Prime-Line...-Door-Reinforcer-Reinforcing-Mount/5014398683

He wouldn’t let her go to a facility because he promised her he would never do that to her. I am totally awed by the things he did to keep that promise.

After Mom passed I told my kids that if I got to that point, put me in a facility and don’t feel bad because that was what I wanted them to do.

I like these, this will be the first thing I try.

 

[ronpolk]

My 87 yo father has Alzheimer's and my 84 yo mother is the primary caregiver. New years morning he got out of the house and walked 3+ miles to go home, he thinks home is StL, he hasn't lived there for close to 70 years, and obviously got lost. Search and rescue units were out looking for him and we got him back safe. 1-2-26 he left the house at 1 am and got over a mile away before my mother realized he was gone.

How do we keep him in the house, we tried alarms on doors but they have metal doors and they don't work. My sister suggested keyed locks from the inside but that worries me as an 84 yo would need to have her wits about her at all times to put a key in to get out of the house in an emergency.

Any ideas?

Sorry to hear that. I’ve never personally had to do with this with a family member but did have an elderly neighbor that I watched go downhill due to this. It’s terrible to see.

I noticed in other replies that you already have a memory care place picked out. I think it’s probably time for that.

 

[17itdawg]

My grandmother just passed back in the fall from an extended battle with dementia. She didn't know who any of us were probably the last 18 months.

We tried sitters at night especially for a few years. It worked for a while, but eventually she got so violent with the sitters and would wander through town during daylight or night if she could escape without anyone noticing. A facility became a necessity. It was a very hard decision, but ultimately it was the right decision. The facility was great. I know good ones can be hard to find, but if you can find a good one it's a game changer.

 

[Dawgbite]

Hardest thing I ever did was tell my mom that she had to go into assisted living. Dementia wasn’t her issue at that time but did become somewhat an issue the last few months of her life. It turned out that we should have done it earlier, she came to love it. She really needed the social aspect of it more than the physical help part.

 

[cowbell88]

On January 19.2024, I had to put both parents in facility at same time.

This was 3 weeks after they had spent 3 days with us at Christmas. Dad drove about 4 hrs to be there, then drove home.

On 28th, I had to go up, because dad tripped over shoes and couldn’t get up. Mom couldn’t help him up. Paramedics couldn’t get in house, due to dogs inside house.

I came home on the 31st. On January 2, they wouldn’t answer cell phones. I went back up on the 3rd. They had forgotten to charge them.

The next morning, mom was still in bed at 11am. She was lethargic and completely out of it. Went to ER and she had a bad UTI. Stayed on IV for 4 days.

I’d spend the night at hospital with her and go get dad in am and take him back about 3.

Got her transferred closer to my home. Got dad an appointment while she was in swing bed. Dr. Said he didn’t recommend that dad be left alone, as he couldn’t remember simple things from the test.

Dad passed in July of 24. After 7 months inside and 3 trips to special behavioral care, he also got a UTI and got sepsis.

Mom, talks to me like I’m Dad, and gets mad because I won’t take her here and there every other day.

it’s a tough thing to watch happen.

 

[ETK99]

He needs to be in a facility. Sucks but it's too much for an older spouse to handle. Been there already and it's really the only option.

 

[thatsbaseball]

My 87 yo father has Alzheimer's and my 84 yo mother is the primary caregiver. New years morning he got out of the house and walked 3+ miles to go home, he thinks home is StL, he hasn't lived there for close to 70 years, and obviously got lost. Search and rescue units were out looking for him and we got him back safe. 1-2-26 he left the house at 1 am and got over a mile away before my mother realized he was gone.

How do we keep him in the house, we tried alarms on doors but they have metal doors and they don't work. My sister suggested keyed locks from the inside but that worries me as an 84 yo would need to have her wits about her at all times to put a key in to get out of the house in an emergency.

Any ideas?

I don't have any advice but God bless you for taking care of them, they are very fortunate to have such a caring son.

 

[horshack.sixpack]

I hate it for your mother. It’s hardest on the spouse caregiver once the care receiver loses competency. Think about your mom and make the hard decision to get Dad into memory care asap.

This is where I am with l mom. I don’t see my dad being able to care for her much longer.

 

[dog99walker]

I am living all that y’all have talked about. Mom is 97. We lost Dad this year. Every day she asks me where he is, followed by tears. I took her keys and she is none to happy about it. She has forgotten who took her keys, but she tells my family, “some stupid idiot took my keys.” I lock the dead bolts at night and rise to make breakfast each morning. I have some help during the day, but the weekends are on me and her. Life!!

 

[Fang1]

This post hurts me and encourages me at the same time. Kudo's to all of ya'll who have or are 'honoring your father and mother', not there yet but i can see signs............

 

[BTCMoonBoy]

My 87 yo father has Alzheimer's and my 84 yo mother is the primary caregiver. New years morning he got out of the house and walked 3+ miles to go home, he thinks home is StL, he hasn't lived there for close to 70 years, and obviously got lost. Search and rescue units were out looking for him and we got him back safe. 1-2-26 he left the house at 1 am and got over a mile away before my mother realized he was gone.

How do we keep him in the house, we tried alarms on doors but they have metal doors and they don't work. My sister suggested keyed locks from the inside but that worries me as an 84 yo would need to have her wits about her at all times to put a key in to get out of the house in an emergency.

Any ideas?

High dose -20 g - of creatine

 

[jxndawg]

Tough situation. I work kind of adjacent to this space, and I think the best approach to it is this: if somebody you're the caregiver for has the sniffles and a low-grade temp, it's fine to take them to an urgent care clinic, because that's the level of care they need. But if they have stage 4 cancer, you'd take them to a larger medical center that has an oncology practice, because the urgent care clinic can't help you anymore.

Nobody (or most nobody, I guess) likes the idea of putting a parent in a residential facility, but there comes a time when that's the appropriate level of care. It's not throwing somebody away or shirking any kind of duty towards them - it's an act of love, making sure they're somewhere that can give them the best care under the circumstances.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

If not already, remove all firearms and anything that can used as a weapon.

My wife and I have a pact, if we ever get to the point we can’t take care of ourselves, we’re getting in the self checkout line. I would never put that burden (of a care giver) on my kids.

 

[MagnoliaHunter]

Read this and order his book. It has helped a lot with my mom.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sanjay-gupta-prescription-for-fighting-off-dementia-keep-sharp.

 

[floristgump22]

My 87 yo father has Alzheimer's and my 84 yo mother is the primary caregiver. New years morning he got out of the house and walked 3+ miles to go home, he thinks home is StL, he hasn't lived there for close to 70 years, and obviously got lost. Search and rescue units were out looking for him and we got him back safe. 1-2-26 he left the house at 1 am and got over a mile away before my mother realized he was gone.

How do we keep him in the house, we tried alarms on doors but they have metal doors and they don't work. My sister suggested keyed locks from the inside but that worries me as an 84 yo would need to have her wits about her at all times to put a key in to get out of the house in an emergency.

Any ideas?

You run the risk of bigger issues if you find a way to lock him in. If there is an emergency neither will be able to get out especially if your mother is declining cognitively as well. I’m not saying you have to go the nursing home route, but if you want more info on it and what it would entail I’d be happy to help. I run nursing homes for a living and started in MS before moving away. I still have connections around the state so if it comes down to it I can help.