Is there a running thread for funny jokes or memes?
- Thread starter Got GSPs
- Start date
Prostitute to John : I'll do anything you want for $25, but it must be a 3 word request
John: Paint my house
John: Paint my house
Mechanicsburg's own Shane Gillis and his partner (Gilly & Keeves) with a tremendous militia funeral for a fallen Freemen of Mechanicsburg troop!
I take it that the freemen of mechanicsburg was a one off skit, but I totally think it should be its own sitcom.
I was driving home from being at the bar one night, when I got pulled over by the police
The policeman came to my door and asked me for my license. After I handed it to him he said “We are looking for someone who fits the same description as you. Where were you between 5 and 6?”
I thought about it for a moment and responded “Kindergarten”.
The policeman came to my door and asked me for my license. After I handed it to him he said “We are looking for someone who fits the same description as you. Where were you between 5 and 6?”
I thought about it for a moment and responded “Kindergarten”.
A 57 year old female math teacher comes home one afternoon after school and finds a note on the table from her 57 year old husband.
It says "Dear Wife. You are 57 years old. I love you but there are certain things you cannot do anymore for me. As such, I am taking my 18 year old secretary to the motel for an evening of fun. I will be home around midnight. Don't wait up".
The husband comes home just around midnight and finds a note
"Dear Husband. You are correct- I am 57 years old. As are you. And, just as you said, I love you, but there are things you cannot do anymore for me. As such, I will also be taking one of my 18 year old students to a motel. However, as you are aware, I am a math teacher and as such, I know that 18 goes into 57 more times than 57 goes into 18. I will be home at midnight.....two days from now. Don't wait up"
It says "Dear Wife. You are 57 years old. I love you but there are certain things you cannot do anymore for me. As such, I am taking my 18 year old secretary to the motel for an evening of fun. I will be home around midnight. Don't wait up".
The husband comes home just around midnight and finds a note
"Dear Husband. You are correct- I am 57 years old. As are you. And, just as you said, I love you, but there are things you cannot do anymore for me. As such, I will also be taking one of my 18 year old students to a motel. However, as you are aware, I am a math teacher and as such, I know that 18 goes into 57 more times than 57 goes into 18. I will be home at midnight.....two days from now. Don't wait up"
Group sharing a home tells the only gal that going out with the guys is called a "gang bang". Unfortunately, she posts this on facebook.
I’m not a poet, but the response to the “hike who”? response is an actual haiku. From Wikipedia: Traditional Japanese haiku consist of three phrases composed of 17 phonetic units (called on in Japanese, which are similar to syllables) in a 5, 7, 5 pattern;[1] that include a kireji, or "cutting word";[2] and a kigo, or seasonal reference. Similar poems that do not adhere to these rules are generally classified as senryū.[3]
In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
One Saturday night, as he was sitting in the saloon, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.
The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.
"Could you possibly give me some tips?" he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, sure will," said the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"
"Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, you bet it will," replied the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cufflink off the piano player.
"Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learning' somethin' here - got any more tips?"
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Nope," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your #$%, and it won't hurt as much.
One Saturday night, as he was sitting in the saloon, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.
The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.
"Could you possibly give me some tips?" he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, sure will," said the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips for me?"
"Yep," said the old man, "cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Yep, you bet it will," replied the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cufflink off the piano player.
"Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learning' somethin' here - got any more tips?"
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
"Nope," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your #$%, and it won't hurt as much.
