Is there a running thread for funny jokes or memes?
- Thread starter Got GSPs
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In honor of the inimitable Chandler Bing (RIP Matthew Perry), I saw this posted on social media which is inspired by the Friends Episode with the 'Celebrity Cheat List' Chandler said exists with his girlfriend which is a list of celebrities he's allowed to sleep with if ever given a chance and it wouldn't count as cheating. This concept was later explored in the 'Hall Pass' movie which is the same thing, just with a different name. Anyway, his list was: Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and Jessica Rabbit.
Miracle Of Toilet Paper
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.” Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. “How long will this take?” I ask.
“They will grow larger over a period of years,” my husband replies. I stopped. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your a$$ didn't it?”
Bastard is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw…
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.” Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. “How long will this take?” I ask.
“They will grow larger over a period of years,” my husband replies. I stopped. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your a$$ didn't it?”
Bastard is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw…
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How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Answer: Nobody knows, it has nevr been done!
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells,
"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my…" the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son.” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,
"For the last time dad, I train Seals… Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”
Also read : https://mewond.com/the-dolphins-hav...-a-lonely-dog-drowning-in-a-canal-in-florida/
Follow US Countless Colours of Life
"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my…" the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son.” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,
"For the last time dad, I train Seals… Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”
Also read : https://mewond.com/the-dolphins-hav...-a-lonely-dog-drowning-in-a-canal-in-florida/
Follow US Countless Colours of Life
An Ohio State fan and a Michigan fan were having an argument about who would win a race. Finally, the Michigan fan says - "Listen - let's jump off a 100 foot cliff and whoever gets to the bottom first, is the fastest". The Ohio State fan agrees.
They go to a 100 foot cliff and they both jump off at the same time.
Who won?
Society.
They go to a 100 foot cliff and they both jump off at the same time.
Who won?
Society.
I came up with a good line at Thanksgiving. Recall that I have a PhD in mathematics, and that I’m deaf: “It was my dream to be a medical doctor but I couldn’t hear the guys coughing.”
And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is your Portland Cement Crack of the Week.
This is on I-69 in Indiana. One billboard promotes “the best fudge comes from Uranus”. SMH
OL
Neighbors of ours always travel to Arizona for the winter and have stopped there and posted pics
An Ohio State fan and a Wisconsin fan walk into a bar.
There was an Iowa fan in this joke but they went to the Big Ten Championship instead.
There was an Iowa fan in this joke but they went to the Big Ten Championship instead.
Three Pitt football players walked into a building. You'd have thought at least one of them would've noticed it.
A Pitt football player called a pizzeria. "I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza." The order taker said, "OK. Would you like it cut into six or eight pieces?" (long pause) Finally, the Pitt guy said, "Better make it six - I don't think I can eat eight slices."
A Pitt football player called a pizzeria. "I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza." The order taker said, "OK. Would you like it cut into six or eight pieces?" (long pause) Finally, the Pitt guy said, "Better make it six - I don't think I can eat eight slices."
So you converted an old Polish joke to a Pitt joke. OK.
Neighbors of ours always travel to Arizona for the winter and have stopped there and posted pics
Watch this reel https://www.facebook.com/reel/375368601604721?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V&mibextid=0NULKw
