40 years ago I was hospitalized with idiopathic cardio myopathy. After telling a friend about it. He replied, “If only idiots get it, I can’t believe you didn’t die.”
OT: Snappy comebacks to stupid things you’ve said
- Thread starter LionJim
- Start date
Went to the Michigan / Colorado State game last weekend in Ann Arbor, wearing PSU shirt and hat.
Guy at urinal next to me: "Do you think you'll manage a winning record this year?"
Me: "Do you realize your seniors have a losing record against us?" <flush>
Guy at urinal next to me: "Do you think you'll manage a winning record this year?"
Me: "Do you realize your seniors have a losing record against us?" <flush>
Damn fine. On behalf of the McAndrew board, way to go.
So my favorite is when I go into a restaurant and a cute young hostess asks “May I have your name?”
“Only if you marry me!”
So what’s her snappy comeback to the stupid thing you say?So my favorite is when I go into a restaurant and a cute young hostess asks “May I have your name?”
“Only if you marry me!”
My all time favorite comeback is one that I witnessed as a 9th grader in high school. Walked into the lav to see the Assistant Principal, Mr. Smith, and a senior at the two urinals so I step aside to wait my turn. They both finish at the same time and the senior heads straight for the door without washing his hands. Mr. Smith calls out to him saying "In my house, we were taught to wash our hands after we used the facilities." The senior replied "In my house, we were taight not to piss on our hands when we used the facilities" and walked out the door.
It doesn’t quite fit the category but I can’t resist. We had a substitute teacher in 8th grade. He jumped right into the History material at the start of class, writing on the board and lecturing, without introducing himself. After about 5 minutes I sensed tension in the room so I raised my hand and said, “you’ve been lecturing us for 5 minutes now, would you mind telling us your name?” He responded abruptly, “Schultz!” That only raised the tension level so I took the gamble and followed up right in stride with, “thanks, but what’s your last name?”
Somehow I survived that one with chuckles all around. The class resumed much better than it started and Dad didn’t have to kick my a$$ that night. Whew!
Somehow I survived that one with chuckles all around. The class resumed much better than it started and Dad didn’t have to kick my a$$ that night. Whew!
I can remember one of my finest comebacks all the way from 7th grade.
History teacher was one we could banter with and one time he said I looked like a squirrel monkey. Immediate reply in front of class " you look like something at the bottom of a squirrel monkey cage".
That's pretty good for 13 years old, I'd say.
Good comebacks are one of my favorite things but I either have something on deck or I don't. It has to come to me. Which is why a certain poster or two has it coming, I just have to wait for the right moment.
History teacher was one we could banter with and one time he said I looked like a squirrel monkey. Immediate reply in front of class " you look like something at the bottom of a squirrel monkey cage".
That's pretty good for 13 years old, I'd say.
Good comebacks are one of my favorite things but I either have something on deck or I don't. It has to come to me. Which is why a certain poster or two has it coming, I just have to wait for the right moment.
Old Girlfriend bought a new car a Mercury Capri
My first question to her was - how do you pronounce the name of the car - Crappy?
She was not happy.
My first question to her was - how do you pronounce the name of the car - Crappy?
She was not happy.
Years ago in a nightclub I walked up to the bar to get a beer and said hello to the girls sitting there-
Girl sitting on the left: "I'm April"
Girl on the right: "...and I'm June"
Me (somehow right on time): "May I come between you?"
A friend actually ended up dating June (not her real name) for awhile.
Girl sitting on the left: "I'm April"
Girl on the right: "...and I'm June"
Me (somehow right on time): "May I come between you?"
A friend actually ended up dating June (not her real name) for awhile.
Well one thing this thread proves is that a lot of you can't read....
It clearly says snappy comebacks to stupid things you've said.....not your snappy comebacks. Despite some of them being quite good, you fail because you didn't follow instructions.
It clearly says snappy comebacks to stupid things you've said.....not your snappy comebacks. Despite some of them being quite good, you fail because you didn't follow instructions.
Years ago I walked into a bar with my wingman and said hi to three girls. The cutest one said, " Hi, I am April, and these are my friends May and June". I instantly replied, "I am Julio, and this is my friend Augusto". That is the best I could do under the circumstances. Nothing came of it. Michaelion, your reply was much better. I bow to you, Sir.
I was coaching 10yo lax (assistant) and Braden (you know the kid) asked me where Head Coach Joe was, instinctively I told “at your moms house”
Little bastard never shut up all season
Little bastard never shut up all season
As to Snappy comebacks for stupid things I have said-
Called a friend before 8 AM on a weekend and asked “you up?”
Him: “ No, I’m talking in my sleep”
Called a friend before 8 AM on a weekend and asked “you up?”
Him: “ No, I’m talking in my sleep”
Another is the redundancy of stating something along the lines of…
Me: “It’s a 2016 Ford F-150”
Pal: “Oh, thanks for clarifying that in the event it happened to be a 1916 Chevy F-150”
Me: “It’s a 2016 Ford F-150”
Pal: “Oh, thanks for clarifying that in the event it happened to be a 1916 Chevy F-150”
I had a roommate who would always answer the question "Were you sleeping?" with "No, I had to get up to answer the phone"
Well one thing this thread proves is that a lot of you can't read....
It clearly says snappy comebacks to stupid things you've said.....not your snappy comebacks. Despite some of them being quite good, you fail because you didn't follow instructions.
I can read. I can also ignore instructions.
That’s a cringy line. How old are we talking about with “a cute young hostess”?
I embarrassed myself recently in front of Les Claypool's wife. At VIP meet and greet and I didn't know it was her and she was passing out stickers for her wine company and pointed out to me the info on the back and said it's like a business card. I did the polite thing of showing that I looked at the card and was impressed. Then I asked her name.
Dumbass, she just handed you a business card! I apologized and explained I haven't been in public much the last few years, basically living like Tarzan. She smiled, so good enough for me.
Then Primus destroyed the place.
Dumbass, she just handed you a business card! I apologized and explained I haven't been in public much the last few years, basically living like Tarzan. She smiled, so good enough for me.
Then Primus destroyed the place.
