This doesn't happen very often…
SATURDAY NIGHT
9 - 11:30
ALUMNI HOUSE
RODNEY MOORE
PATRICK SMITH
&
THE BUSH HOGS
When I found out the boys would be playing Saturday night, it got me kind of nostalgic. I started thinking about The Pub, the little concern I use to own with a buddy who doesn't like his name put in these emails…we'll call him _avid Cobianch_. Then I went through some old Pubdates and found a couple that might be appropriate for this setting, as well as the time of year and maybe life in general. I hope you enjoy reminiscing as much as I'm going to enjoy the Rodney Moore/Patrick Smith reunion tomorrow night. By the way, I no longer pick up hitch hikers without noting all area mental institutions, my obsession with Bob Barker is still extremely healthy and going stronger than ever and my wife still doesn't want people to like me….
<div style="text-align: center;"></div> _________________________________________________ <div style="text-align: center;"> <font size="7">Old Pubdates</font>
</div> <div style="text-align: center;">
The Alumni House
established 2006
The Pub
established 1977
The Alumni House
modern architectural style befitting Ridgeland's push for a more upscale community
The Pub
established 1977
The Alumni House
multiple bartenders with a variety or personalities
The Pub
one bartender with multiple personalities
**********
Over the past few weeks I have had people approach me and ask how I come up with the things I write on this email from time to time. They pose questions such as "How much time do you have on your hands?...or...What are you on when you write that stuff?" My wife recently called me after reading one of my emails and asked, "What's wrong with you?!" Well, I can promise you that I do not have too much time on my hands and can guarantee you that I'm not "on" anything. However, to answer that third question will take a little delving into. I live in a house dominated by females. Along with my wife I have two little girls. Even both of our cats are female. The drama is at an all time high but I'm sure it's only going to get worse. And before any of you fire back at how many girls you have or what your problems are...lets not forget we're focusing on me. I want to know how many rolls of toilet paper one family can go through in a day. This is incredible! I think we're topping out at around five. And while we're on the subject, I went on a guys trip couple of weeks ago and instinctively put the toilet seat back down every time after going #1. I've found that it's much easier just to sit down and pee than fool with the up/down stuff or the penalty that comes with a toilet seat left in the upright position. I was in just such a situation last week when, as I sat down to go, my five year old daughter wandered in and said, "Oh," and walked away. She returned with a copy of People magazine and said, "Here, Daddy." I tried to explain to her that I was not doing what she thought I was doing but as usual she had already tuned me out and was on her way (I actually ended up reading an enlightening article on Mr. Lance Bass...who saw that coming?) Also, why can't I have a bad day? I came home last week after a hard day in the trenches and had to listen to my wife go on and on about some sort of chapstick injury she received on her ankle...What?! I have a favorite Cheetah Girl and got into an argument with my seven year old today over the lyrics to a Kelly Clarkson song. I don't mind getting my hair done but refuse makeup unless I get to use the good brush for the blush. Oh, and last month I organized a "Dance Off" to prove that I was the best dancer in the family. Guess who the judges were? Guess who won? Their Mother (I don't think some of her South Jackson moves were even legal). It was collusion, plain and simple. I could continue but in answering the last question...yes, there is something wrong with me. I no longer have the spotlight. As selfishly as I try to grab it, I'm continuously reminded that I'm a roll player and I'm not even sure if I get credit for assists ...Example: "Hey, sweetheart, ! did you tell your Momma about the game winning homerun I hit tonight?"..."Momma, Daddy wouldn't buy me a giant pixie stick because I didn't finish my hot dog."..."Why can't you buy her a pixie stick...you're at a softball park." I just realized I let the team down. But when the crap hits the blades or somebody's world comes crashing down, only then do they grant me the status I covet daily. All eyes are now on me. I am alone. Help.
**********
As many of you know, I sometimes like to use this forum belittle or poke fun at my friend and business partner, David C. When I do, I take great strides to consider his feelings and how it might affect him personally as well as his standing within the community. I even leave out his full name to protect his anonymity in case something genuinely embarrasses him. But to give you a little background into our midweek conversations, they go something like this. Coby always calls me on Wednesday to ask if I have sent out the Pub email yet or when I was going to send it. I usually tell him I've either sent it or that it's on the way. Then he asks...almost religiously, "You didn't put anything about me in there did you?" Look, I have had my fun with D. Cobianchi over the years but he's really too easy of a target and I feel it is time to move on. I was to continue this policy until a ph! one call I received yesterday. Dav. C(obianchi) calls me and the conversation is pretty much holding form until he makes one minor breach. Instead of asking, or demanding, "You didn't put anything about me in there, did you?", he asks, "I'm not going to be the blunt of any of your jokes, am I?" Now I'm thinking, is he kidding or is this some obscure Snoop Dogg reference I'm unfamiliar with. Blunt of my jokes? I am truly at a crossroads. Do I publicly out him about his courageous attempt to misuse a word he thinks is big...or do I save it for myself and have my own private little laugh over and over again?
**********
I know many of you have concerts that you have attended that will stick out in your memory forever. For me, it's probably the first 10 times I saw Bon Jovi... beginning at Humphrey Coliseum in Starkville in '86 and culminating with a show at Philips Arena in Atlanta. Mixed in between have been Skid Row, Whitesnake, Great White, Cinderella as well as Steely Dan and The Eagles Hell Freezes Over Tour at the Starwood Amphitheatre in Nashville. However, NOTHING can touch the concert I attended this past Sunday. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Bossier City, Louisiana, for an afternoon with...The Cheetah Girls! For those of you who don't know, The Cheetah Girls are only the hottest girl trio Disney has to offer whose target audience is females age 5 to 16 years old. Normally when preparing for a concert there is a pre-party, libations and the battle over who has to drive. The Cheetah Girls pre-! party consisted of watching a 5 year old and an 8 year old fight over tops, tights and hair band scarf thingies and no question as to who was going to drive. I think I was the only one without some sort of leopard...excuse me...cheetah print outfit including my wife (who, by the way, had her on little wardrobe pity party). I'll spare you the details of the 3 hour ride to Bossier City and our arrival at the wrong venue and get straight to the concert. People, let me to you tell you something. When the lights went out and those girls hit the stage, I haven't heard that much high pitched squealing and screaming since the atomic wedgie craze of '79. And looking around from our seats, the only other guy I could find within a 50 yard radius was Larry, the usher (who was quite helpful...I was having trouble getting into the concert until he informed me that all three of The Cheetah Girls were over 18). And these kids with their homemade concert signs. It made me long for the graffiti on The Pub bathroom walls with all the misspellings and bad grammar. A good example of this would be a sign I saw that read, "Cheetah Girls Rocks!" Are you kidding me?! This is just lazy subject-verb agreement. Anyone knows that "Rock" is the correct verb when agreeing with the collective noun "Cheetah Girls". I'm sure mommy and daddy were thrilled with little Sally making the sign at all but I see them as part of the problem, aiding and abetting the dumbing down of America. Anyway, shortly after my youngest almost put her eye out with a $5 glow stick, I was sent off to get in line for funnel cakes and cotton candy. So I'm standing there behind three women who are slowing down the line just yacking it up (you know how you women are [did I type that out loud?]) when they turn to me and one says, "What a good daddy! How many girls did you bring?" I looked her dead in the eyes with absolutely no expression on my face and said, "I'm here by myself. I live for The Cheetah Girls. I'll be in Austin on Thursday." Conversation over. Line begins to move. As I return, my group is jamming to some song called "Girl Power" and I feel myself becoming incensed. That's all I need, some girl group organizing a movement and warping my kids minds with this liberal garbage. I look for Larry and this male sound tech I had seen earlier to mobilize a protest when my wife realized what was going on and said, "The name of the song is Growl Power you idiot!" That was embarrassing. All in all I have to say it was a positive experience. The Centurytel Arena was state of the art and the drive wasn't really bad at all. That's a good thing because High School Musical is coming on the 16th.
**********
We just got back from Disney World last week and I have to say one thing. I know exactly what you pregnant women go through. I spent almost a week carrying around a backpack that varied in weight between 25 and 35 pounds. I got hot, my feet got tired and the backpack got heavy but I never complained. I was carrying around close to 40 pounds at times! I realize some of you women are thinking "Are you kidding me? I gained more weight than that. Who does he think he is?" What does a baby weigh…6 to 8 or 9 pounds sometimes? Whose fault is all that extra weight? Contrast that with the fact that I had NO control over what went into my backpack…water bottles, juice bottles, cameras, camcorders, phones, snacks, souvenirs, wands, sunglasses, clothes, whatever they found and autograph books. And I didn't stand around rubbing my backpack, drawing attention to myself or the load I was carrying. I forged ahead and did the job I was asked to do. Now, a few random thoughts from the trip…
*Somebody needs to explain to me what it means when someone says they were "that good kind of tired."
*Several people have asked me what Disney World was like and I told them it reminded me of "Hell Week" at the Pike House at State…I probably would not have gone through it had I known what was going to happen.
*A tip…bathe your children daily. If you can smell other people's kids you can bet your kids smell too. You may be at Disney World but stink doesn't take a vacation.
*There is no better place in the world to be handicapped than Disney World.
*If you comment on Mary Poppins' accent, you can bet she's going to comment on yours.
*I love a fat guy in a size 34 shorts, calf high socks and dare I say…fannie pack? (It was like fannie pack Spring Break down there)
*Half way through the second time riding It's a Small World, I mentally started going over my "to do" list for when I got home…first of which was to shut the garage and get into my car and crank it.
*If you are honeymooning in Disney World, you've got bigger problems than how stupid you look in your Mickey Mouse top hat and veil.
*Our hotel was broken up in sections labeled by the different decades of music. We stayed in the '50s. Two new additions to the The Pub jukebox will include Marcia and the Hall Monitors as well as The Ten Pin Tenors.
*Whoever said this was the "Happiest Place on Earth" never spent a sun drenched afternoon on a beach with an unlimited supply of Miller Lite
By my tone I imagine you're probably thinking this was not my ideal vacation. Not true. In fact, I took measures to ensure that this would be one of the most memorable vacations ever. That's right…I printed up family T-shirts for each one of us to wear on the trip. We opened them on Christmas just after the girls found out we were going to Disney World and the surprise had its desired effect. The kids loved the shirts and my wife was mortified. She made the executive decision that if we HAD to wear the T-shirts, we would do it on the first day to "get it over with". As luck would have it, we ran into some friends from Houston, TX, in the park that day as well as some friends from Starkville. The wife…humiliated. I guess I need to describe the shirts. Each person had their name on the front of the shirt and on the back it said, "Galatas Funtastic Family Vacation…Destination: Disney World, January 12, 2007." What's so embarrassing about that?! My only regret is that I didn't make one for each day we were there. We hit the Animal Kingdom, MGM, Epcot, Downtown Disney and of course, the Magic Kingdom. The lines weren't bad and the rides were great . It helped that our eight year old would ride anything and our five year old was forced to ride most everything. One of the most moving ceremonies I've ever experienced happened as the flag was taken down at 5 o'clock at the Magic Kingdom. People gathered around the square as the Disney band played all American music…America the Beautiful, the Star Spangled Banner among others as well as all of the armed services songs. A member of each branch of the armed service comes out, they traditionally fold up the flag and present it to a veteran who had been selected from the crowd. This time it was a 68 year old marine who served in Vietnam. After he received the flag, he joined the others at attention and then marched out with them as the band played. I swear the pride and determination on that 68 year old marine's face made him look 21 years old. I was so pumped I was ready to bomb Iraq all over again…as well as some of the New England states (I won't get into an altercation I got into with a lady over a lunch table at the Animal Kingdom). The last night we were there we went to the Magic Kingdom to watch the closing fireworks show at Cinderella's Castle. Throngs of people sat around the circle and I have to tell you, the backdrop of the exploding sky against the changing color of the castle combined with this powerfully uplifting music…it was truly spectacular. I guess my takeaway from the trip came from what my 5 year old said as she sat in my lap watching this display. She never took her eyes off the sky and said to no one in particular, "This is the best day of my life. If I die today it will be OK because I'll remember this." Fortunately, I found a Mickey Mouse napkin in my backpack.
And as always…
If you come in contact with David Saturday night, I encourage you to approach him (disregard his body language). </div>
SATURDAY NIGHT
9 - 11:30
ALUMNI HOUSE
RODNEY MOORE
PATRICK SMITH
&
THE BUSH HOGS
When I found out the boys would be playing Saturday night, it got me kind of nostalgic. I started thinking about The Pub, the little concern I use to own with a buddy who doesn't like his name put in these emails…we'll call him _avid Cobianch_. Then I went through some old Pubdates and found a couple that might be appropriate for this setting, as well as the time of year and maybe life in general. I hope you enjoy reminiscing as much as I'm going to enjoy the Rodney Moore/Patrick Smith reunion tomorrow night. By the way, I no longer pick up hitch hikers without noting all area mental institutions, my obsession with Bob Barker is still extremely healthy and going stronger than ever and my wife still doesn't want people to like me….
<div style="text-align: center;"></div> _________________________________________________ <div style="text-align: center;"> <font size="7">Old Pubdates</font>
</div> <div style="text-align: center;">
The Alumni House
established 2006
The Pub
established 1977
The Alumni House
modern architectural style befitting Ridgeland's push for a more upscale community
The Pub
established 1977
The Alumni House
multiple bartenders with a variety or personalities
The Pub
one bartender with multiple personalities
**********
Over the past few weeks I have had people approach me and ask how I come up with the things I write on this email from time to time. They pose questions such as "How much time do you have on your hands?...or...What are you on when you write that stuff?" My wife recently called me after reading one of my emails and asked, "What's wrong with you?!" Well, I can promise you that I do not have too much time on my hands and can guarantee you that I'm not "on" anything. However, to answer that third question will take a little delving into. I live in a house dominated by females. Along with my wife I have two little girls. Even both of our cats are female. The drama is at an all time high but I'm sure it's only going to get worse. And before any of you fire back at how many girls you have or what your problems are...lets not forget we're focusing on me. I want to know how many rolls of toilet paper one family can go through in a day. This is incredible! I think we're topping out at around five. And while we're on the subject, I went on a guys trip couple of weeks ago and instinctively put the toilet seat back down every time after going #1. I've found that it's much easier just to sit down and pee than fool with the up/down stuff or the penalty that comes with a toilet seat left in the upright position. I was in just such a situation last week when, as I sat down to go, my five year old daughter wandered in and said, "Oh," and walked away. She returned with a copy of People magazine and said, "Here, Daddy." I tried to explain to her that I was not doing what she thought I was doing but as usual she had already tuned me out and was on her way (I actually ended up reading an enlightening article on Mr. Lance Bass...who saw that coming?) Also, why can't I have a bad day? I came home last week after a hard day in the trenches and had to listen to my wife go on and on about some sort of chapstick injury she received on her ankle...What?! I have a favorite Cheetah Girl and got into an argument with my seven year old today over the lyrics to a Kelly Clarkson song. I don't mind getting my hair done but refuse makeup unless I get to use the good brush for the blush. Oh, and last month I organized a "Dance Off" to prove that I was the best dancer in the family. Guess who the judges were? Guess who won? Their Mother (I don't think some of her South Jackson moves were even legal). It was collusion, plain and simple. I could continue but in answering the last question...yes, there is something wrong with me. I no longer have the spotlight. As selfishly as I try to grab it, I'm continuously reminded that I'm a roll player and I'm not even sure if I get credit for assists ...Example: "Hey, sweetheart, ! did you tell your Momma about the game winning homerun I hit tonight?"..."Momma, Daddy wouldn't buy me a giant pixie stick because I didn't finish my hot dog."..."Why can't you buy her a pixie stick...you're at a softball park." I just realized I let the team down. But when the crap hits the blades or somebody's world comes crashing down, only then do they grant me the status I covet daily. All eyes are now on me. I am alone. Help.
**********
As many of you know, I sometimes like to use this forum belittle or poke fun at my friend and business partner, David C. When I do, I take great strides to consider his feelings and how it might affect him personally as well as his standing within the community. I even leave out his full name to protect his anonymity in case something genuinely embarrasses him. But to give you a little background into our midweek conversations, they go something like this. Coby always calls me on Wednesday to ask if I have sent out the Pub email yet or when I was going to send it. I usually tell him I've either sent it or that it's on the way. Then he asks...almost religiously, "You didn't put anything about me in there did you?" Look, I have had my fun with D. Cobianchi over the years but he's really too easy of a target and I feel it is time to move on. I was to continue this policy until a ph! one call I received yesterday. Dav. C(obianchi) calls me and the conversation is pretty much holding form until he makes one minor breach. Instead of asking, or demanding, "You didn't put anything about me in there, did you?", he asks, "I'm not going to be the blunt of any of your jokes, am I?" Now I'm thinking, is he kidding or is this some obscure Snoop Dogg reference I'm unfamiliar with. Blunt of my jokes? I am truly at a crossroads. Do I publicly out him about his courageous attempt to misuse a word he thinks is big...or do I save it for myself and have my own private little laugh over and over again?
**********
I know many of you have concerts that you have attended that will stick out in your memory forever. For me, it's probably the first 10 times I saw Bon Jovi... beginning at Humphrey Coliseum in Starkville in '86 and culminating with a show at Philips Arena in Atlanta. Mixed in between have been Skid Row, Whitesnake, Great White, Cinderella as well as Steely Dan and The Eagles Hell Freezes Over Tour at the Starwood Amphitheatre in Nashville. However, NOTHING can touch the concert I attended this past Sunday. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Bossier City, Louisiana, for an afternoon with...The Cheetah Girls! For those of you who don't know, The Cheetah Girls are only the hottest girl trio Disney has to offer whose target audience is females age 5 to 16 years old. Normally when preparing for a concert there is a pre-party, libations and the battle over who has to drive. The Cheetah Girls pre-! party consisted of watching a 5 year old and an 8 year old fight over tops, tights and hair band scarf thingies and no question as to who was going to drive. I think I was the only one without some sort of leopard...excuse me...cheetah print outfit including my wife (who, by the way, had her on little wardrobe pity party). I'll spare you the details of the 3 hour ride to Bossier City and our arrival at the wrong venue and get straight to the concert. People, let me to you tell you something. When the lights went out and those girls hit the stage, I haven't heard that much high pitched squealing and screaming since the atomic wedgie craze of '79. And looking around from our seats, the only other guy I could find within a 50 yard radius was Larry, the usher (who was quite helpful...I was having trouble getting into the concert until he informed me that all three of The Cheetah Girls were over 18). And these kids with their homemade concert signs. It made me long for the graffiti on The Pub bathroom walls with all the misspellings and bad grammar. A good example of this would be a sign I saw that read, "Cheetah Girls Rocks!" Are you kidding me?! This is just lazy subject-verb agreement. Anyone knows that "Rock" is the correct verb when agreeing with the collective noun "Cheetah Girls". I'm sure mommy and daddy were thrilled with little Sally making the sign at all but I see them as part of the problem, aiding and abetting the dumbing down of America. Anyway, shortly after my youngest almost put her eye out with a $5 glow stick, I was sent off to get in line for funnel cakes and cotton candy. So I'm standing there behind three women who are slowing down the line just yacking it up (you know how you women are [did I type that out loud?]) when they turn to me and one says, "What a good daddy! How many girls did you bring?" I looked her dead in the eyes with absolutely no expression on my face and said, "I'm here by myself. I live for The Cheetah Girls. I'll be in Austin on Thursday." Conversation over. Line begins to move. As I return, my group is jamming to some song called "Girl Power" and I feel myself becoming incensed. That's all I need, some girl group organizing a movement and warping my kids minds with this liberal garbage. I look for Larry and this male sound tech I had seen earlier to mobilize a protest when my wife realized what was going on and said, "The name of the song is Growl Power you idiot!" That was embarrassing. All in all I have to say it was a positive experience. The Centurytel Arena was state of the art and the drive wasn't really bad at all. That's a good thing because High School Musical is coming on the 16th.
**********
We just got back from Disney World last week and I have to say one thing. I know exactly what you pregnant women go through. I spent almost a week carrying around a backpack that varied in weight between 25 and 35 pounds. I got hot, my feet got tired and the backpack got heavy but I never complained. I was carrying around close to 40 pounds at times! I realize some of you women are thinking "Are you kidding me? I gained more weight than that. Who does he think he is?" What does a baby weigh…6 to 8 or 9 pounds sometimes? Whose fault is all that extra weight? Contrast that with the fact that I had NO control over what went into my backpack…water bottles, juice bottles, cameras, camcorders, phones, snacks, souvenirs, wands, sunglasses, clothes, whatever they found and autograph books. And I didn't stand around rubbing my backpack, drawing attention to myself or the load I was carrying. I forged ahead and did the job I was asked to do. Now, a few random thoughts from the trip…
*Somebody needs to explain to me what it means when someone says they were "that good kind of tired."
*Several people have asked me what Disney World was like and I told them it reminded me of "Hell Week" at the Pike House at State…I probably would not have gone through it had I known what was going to happen.
*A tip…bathe your children daily. If you can smell other people's kids you can bet your kids smell too. You may be at Disney World but stink doesn't take a vacation.
*There is no better place in the world to be handicapped than Disney World.
*If you comment on Mary Poppins' accent, you can bet she's going to comment on yours.
*I love a fat guy in a size 34 shorts, calf high socks and dare I say…fannie pack? (It was like fannie pack Spring Break down there)
*Half way through the second time riding It's a Small World, I mentally started going over my "to do" list for when I got home…first of which was to shut the garage and get into my car and crank it.
*If you are honeymooning in Disney World, you've got bigger problems than how stupid you look in your Mickey Mouse top hat and veil.
*Our hotel was broken up in sections labeled by the different decades of music. We stayed in the '50s. Two new additions to the The Pub jukebox will include Marcia and the Hall Monitors as well as The Ten Pin Tenors.
*Whoever said this was the "Happiest Place on Earth" never spent a sun drenched afternoon on a beach with an unlimited supply of Miller Lite
By my tone I imagine you're probably thinking this was not my ideal vacation. Not true. In fact, I took measures to ensure that this would be one of the most memorable vacations ever. That's right…I printed up family T-shirts for each one of us to wear on the trip. We opened them on Christmas just after the girls found out we were going to Disney World and the surprise had its desired effect. The kids loved the shirts and my wife was mortified. She made the executive decision that if we HAD to wear the T-shirts, we would do it on the first day to "get it over with". As luck would have it, we ran into some friends from Houston, TX, in the park that day as well as some friends from Starkville. The wife…humiliated. I guess I need to describe the shirts. Each person had their name on the front of the shirt and on the back it said, "Galatas Funtastic Family Vacation…Destination: Disney World, January 12, 2007." What's so embarrassing about that?! My only regret is that I didn't make one for each day we were there. We hit the Animal Kingdom, MGM, Epcot, Downtown Disney and of course, the Magic Kingdom. The lines weren't bad and the rides were great . It helped that our eight year old would ride anything and our five year old was forced to ride most everything. One of the most moving ceremonies I've ever experienced happened as the flag was taken down at 5 o'clock at the Magic Kingdom. People gathered around the square as the Disney band played all American music…America the Beautiful, the Star Spangled Banner among others as well as all of the armed services songs. A member of each branch of the armed service comes out, they traditionally fold up the flag and present it to a veteran who had been selected from the crowd. This time it was a 68 year old marine who served in Vietnam. After he received the flag, he joined the others at attention and then marched out with them as the band played. I swear the pride and determination on that 68 year old marine's face made him look 21 years old. I was so pumped I was ready to bomb Iraq all over again…as well as some of the New England states (I won't get into an altercation I got into with a lady over a lunch table at the Animal Kingdom). The last night we were there we went to the Magic Kingdom to watch the closing fireworks show at Cinderella's Castle. Throngs of people sat around the circle and I have to tell you, the backdrop of the exploding sky against the changing color of the castle combined with this powerfully uplifting music…it was truly spectacular. I guess my takeaway from the trip came from what my 5 year old said as she sat in my lap watching this display. She never took her eyes off the sky and said to no one in particular, "This is the best day of my life. If I die today it will be OK because I'll remember this." Fortunately, I found a Mickey Mouse napkin in my backpack.
And as always…
If you come in contact with David Saturday night, I encourage you to approach him (disregard his body language). </div>