I was your typical 5-star academic prima donna glory boy. I had all the measurables. Scored 33 on my ACT. Crushed my AP exams. Everyone told me I was the man, that I was special, that I was elite. Pretty soon I believed it. It all went to my head. I was all about me, me, me.
Colleges from all over the country were calling, so I took some visits. Visited Ole Miss for the Big Geek weekend. **** got out of hand. The Computer Club girls (“byte girls,” we called them, and before you ask, yeah, they bit) were all up on my BVDs. TI-83 handshakes every time I turned around. I came home a changed kid.
Pretty soon I was out of control, partying every night at Mu Alpha Theta mixers and nailing Chess Club groupies and posting about it on Twitter and Facebook. But the scholarship offers kept rolling in from all over the country - everywhere but MSU.
You see MSU saw right through the charade. They knew I was just another highly-rated but troubled academic diva with no work ethic, no heart. “Son,” the MSU recruiter told me, “we actually evaluate and develop talent here at MSU. We don’t give a damn about arbitrary ratings and scores. Do you even grind?”
So I went to Ole Miss, and I fit right in with all the other morally bankrupt students. Pretty soon I was shooting heroin on Tuesdays and Thursdays, meth on Mondays and Wednesday, both on the weekends.
Meanwhile my neighbor was this humble little dyslexic 2-star salt-of-the-earth go-getter named Leon who was moonlighting down at the local library, mopping floors at night, sleeping in a broom closet, struggling to sound out pop-up books by flashlight, trying to teach himself basic algebra and the intricacies of your/you're in hopes of one day getting a qualifying score on his ACT, all while nursing abandoned puppies back to health in his spare time. And when he got that ACT score, he burned those offer letters from Co-Lin and EMCC and signed on the dotted line with MSU.
We would face off in the EcoCar challenge a couple years later and he totally OWNED me. I wept like a baby. Sometimes I wonder where it all went wrong, whether things would’ve been different if I had gone to MSU, but then I remember I was born an entitled, elitist prick, so I guess I never really had a chance.