In honor of Andy Griffith, a post from KSR's (simpler) past. From July, 2006, Turkey Hunter's rankings of the women of Mayberry, complete with the original comment section. Notice that back in those days, the only commenters were KSRers and their friends, Mosley, T Walters, Turkey Hunter, Intern, Mike Jones, etc....long time ago, but back during the KSR roots
Okay, the Barney post has stirred up some interest among our readers and I think this debate deserves its own forum. Time to rank the Hotties of Mayberry. The rules are simple: rank the women who appeared on the show in the order of your preference and explain why they deserve their position. I will get the ball rolling and submit my list for debate. Just as in my private life, I am willing to trade looks for, as they say in Animal House, "a certain morally casual attitude".
Turkey Hunter Top 10
1.
Manicurist- I forget her character's name but she was played by Barbara Eden and brought a whole new level of culture to Mayberry-
Pros: smoking hot, blonde, employed
Cons: no health insurance, fixated on ex, talked nonstop
2.
Skippy and Daphne-Fun girls
Pros: always up for good time, most likely to give "E" Entourage moment, Paris and Nicky of their generation
Cons: tendency to want to dance, old one sounded like James Earl Jones
3.
Ellie May Walker, pharmacist
Pros: Tall, thin, milkshakes brought boyz 2 tha yard
Cons: Femnazi, wouldn't give Emma her pills
4.
Thelma Lou, Barney's squeeze
Pros: attractive, had equity/homeowner, red head
Cons: was willing to hook up with Barn, bi-polar
5.
Irene Fairchild, county nurse
Pros: hot, blonde, nurse (tough to gross out/access to antibiotics)
Cons: conservative-may refuse to wear nurse outfit at all times
6.
Helen Crump, teacher/gf to Andy
Pros: strict disciplinarian/probably into kinky stuff
Cons: bitchy
7.
Charlene Darling- member of Darling Clan
Pros: freak, family owned private distillery
Cons: many protective brothers, pretty sure we dated once already
8.
Aunt Bee-
Pros: Paula Dean in the kitchen
Cons: Paula Poundstone in the boudoir
9.
Emma Brand-hypochondriac-
Pros: virtually impossible for unplanned pregnancy,
Cons: old, possibly contagious, drug dependent
10.
Malcolm Merriweather, Englishman
Pros: soft presence, delicate features, made sweet newspaper tree
Cons: British, no motorized transportation, Ernest T owned him
