NFL Draft Matchmaker: Texas Longhorns get paired with their perfect team

In real life, my matchmaking batting average is 1.000. Sorry, I’m not currently accepting new clients.

As far as matchmaking Longhorns to NFL teams, I got one right last year.

But, these aren’t projections on where Texas players will go in the NFL Draft, it’s a projection of where they should go. A refresher on this exact science:

I hope Longhorns go to good situations, are put in exciting roles to maximize their strengths, and aren’t on teams that are permanent dumpster fires. And I value historic franchises and uniforms.

So, here are my ground rules for the upcoming NFL Draft and where I hope Longhorns end up. Let’s play matchmaker.

First, the Browns, Jets, Jaguars, and Panthers are ruled out. Those teams are either historically incompetent or so unsexy—maybe both—that I’d never buy my kids a jersey from them, even if it was for one of my all-time favorite Longhorns. Do I want my kids being seen walking around town in a Jets jersey? That’s cruel, both for the kids and the Longhorns forced onto those teams. No thanks.

Second, no Patriots.

LB – Anthony Hill: Broncos at Pick 30

The Denver BroncHorns have been fun to root for with Jahdae Barron, Malcolm Roach, Brandon Jones and more. Why not add an immediate playmaker to their stout defense in Ant? Hill has been viewed as a fringe first rounder, but his strong combine might have pushed him firmly into day one of the draft. If he can sneak in, Texas would have posted a first round pick for four consecutive years.

CB – Malik Muhammad: Chiefs in Round 2/3

Kansas City isn’t rebuilding, but they’re certainly reloading, or retooling around Patrick Mahomes coming off an ACL tear. Their intentions were laid bare when they traded All Pro CB Trent McDuffie to the Rams for a haul of draft picks. They’re now in need of a young, talented and inexpensive secondary. Muhammad posted a strong combine which should firmly move into rounds 2 or 3. Pick #40 might be a bit rich for Muhammad and Kansas City, but they could probably snag him at #74 in the third. The South Oak Cliff product would be in line to start for a long time.

S – Michael Taaffe: Lions in Round 5

It would crush me to see Mookie go to a bad situation. But the Westlake Chapparal did once sign up for a rebuilding Texas, endured a 5-7 season and rebuilt the Longhorns program. Maybe he’d be able to be a part of transforming an NFL doormat like New York or Cleveland, but I won’t wish it on him here. Let’s put him with Dan Campbell and the Lions. The Steelers would also be fun.

[THE PERFECT GIFT FOR YOUR LITTLE LONGHORNS! Get them ready for Kickoff in the Fall with The Longhorn Alphabet: Texas Football A to Z]

Quick Hitters – Houston needs help in the trenches, so I’m sending DJ Campbell to the Texans. Ethan Burke not getting a combine invite was inexplicable, but I’ll send the other Westlake product in this year’s draft to the Super Bowl Champion Seahawks in the late rounds. As for Trey Moore, Jaylon Guilbeau and Jack Endries, they’re going to be best used on teams who need a lot of help, like the Saints, Commanders and Bengals.