Is there a running thread for funny jokes or memes?
- Thread starter Got GSPs
- Start date
An 84-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harry's.
Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away.
The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.
After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition."'
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.
He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into her hand...
He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains...
Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away.
The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.
After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition."'
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.
He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into her hand...
He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains...
A hefty woman wearing a sundress walks into a bar, raising her arm in the air showing a mass of armpit hair and shouts, "Is there a man in here who will buy a lady a drink?"
A drunk in the corner waves the bartender over and says, "I'll buy the ballerina a drink."
Ten minutes later the woman raises her arm again, armpit hair flying and pointing to the patrons at the bar saying, "Who here will buy a lady a drink?"
The same drunk calls the bartender over and again says, "I'll buy the ballerina a drink."
The bartender takes his money, then stops to ask, "Why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
The drunk responded, "Any woman who can raise her leg that high has got to be a ballerina."
A drunk in the corner waves the bartender over and says, "I'll buy the ballerina a drink."
Ten minutes later the woman raises her arm again, armpit hair flying and pointing to the patrons at the bar saying, "Who here will buy a lady a drink?"
The same drunk calls the bartender over and again says, "I'll buy the ballerina a drink."
The bartender takes his money, then stops to ask, "Why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
The drunk responded, "Any woman who can raise her leg that high has got to be a ballerina."
Either one of those two is fine
There was one of these at a local restraunt. This was the way to get them underaged lol. We were paying 3 dollars more a pack but at least we could get them lol.
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Funny you should ask,
I’m starting to think I'm talking to a brick wall!"
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the
people ahead of their own interests."
"And finally, I pray that everyone will be happy."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Funny you should ask,
I’m starting to think I'm talking to a brick wall!"
I told my wife today I wanted to be cremated when I die.
She made me an appointment for next Friday.
She made me an appointment for next Friday.
