OT: Divorce advice (generic)
- Thread starter jwbigcreek
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Haven't been through a divorce, but was very close to someone that did. It sucks. I hope everything works out for you. Just remember, this is not going to kill you. You will wake up tomorrow and the next day, and it's never as bad as it seems. Pray hard and keep your kids' best interest at heart. You'll make it through.
Looks like you could PM damn near anyone on this board and they'd at least talk to you about it. I'm not as experienced as some that have dealt with it first hand, but if I can help let me know. Good luck.
Looks like you could PM damn near anyone on this board and they'd at least talk to you about it. I'm not as experienced as some that have dealt with it first hand, but if I can help let me know. Good luck.
I tend to agree with this. They usually don't want out unless they think something else is out there awaiting her. They get real bold with another m17'er is feeding them a line but that dude usually bales because he doesn't want to get dragged into it too. You might want to look at your cell phone bills to see who all she is talking to
OK. I read the replies. I have seen a ton of divorces and am not totally ignorant of divorce law, though I have not practiced divorce law in some time. In Mississippi, Alimony is very much the exception now rather than the rule. I don't know Alabama but doubt the two states differ that much. Sometimes you have to give retraining money but this is a limited Alimony of a set amount to "help" train the spouse who has not worked. If she has worked, even part time, this alimony is not always given. There is NO reason for you to accept paying her monthly for the rest of her/your life. She wants out, that should be a precondition. You should not have to pay her while she shacks up with some loser buying beer on your alimony. Oh, yes, I have seen this many times. Do not think it will be easy to change later; this needs to be fixed now before the divorce.
As to spliting assets, in Mississippi this is moslty the usual practice but there are exceptions. You can bargain who gets the house, or wheter it is to be sold and assets split, and whether she has any rights to private retirement. It may be better for you to let some of he house equity go to her if you get a waiver to your retirment, 401k etc. Once again, you are in a superior position, she wants out. Negotiating is not the same as screwing over your kids, you can do both and appear willing to do this. You are not a bad father if you sensibly refuse to be screwed. The best legal advice I can give you is exactly what others have already said. Get a lawyer that does divorce work. DO NOT BE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING to get the divorce. Listen to your lawyer and negotitate based on your situation in you county and state.
It is good you are willing to pay your son's education. As some other posters have said there is no reason you cannot have joint cusody, with limited or no child support depending on your circumstances. You should expect college expenses and insurance, be willing to do this. If you do get child support make sure the divorce decree sets the time for the ending of support, i.e. age 21, or 4 years of college, etc. An actual date is a good thing. Put in decree that there is no child support owed if the child marries, or works without attending college, senior or junior, after age 18.
Sorry. Tried to Edit but not allowed. Have decree say no child support after high school or age 18, unless going to juco or college full time in fall and spring semesters. I have seen people having to pay exwife child support while kid lives with friends doing nothing.
Went through a divorce myself a couple years ago...
*** Reply fail... supposed to be a general reply to the original post. ***
My divorce was about as amicable as it could possibly have been - we only used one lawyer because we basically agreed on the property settlement (thankfully we didn't have kids) and my ex still calls and wishes me a happy birthday. Even with that, though, it still sucked.
Some others have said some of this but it doesn't hurt to repeat it.
1. Make sure every thing is in writing. The only thing my ex and I "fought" over (and I use that for lack of a better term) had to do with her car, which was in my name. We talked about dealing with it one way in person but when the first draft of the property settlement came from the attorney, it was handled differently. We were able to sort it out but not having things in writing can bite you in the ***.
2. Don't let emotion (either anger or sadness) get the better of you, especially when dealing with your soon-to-be ex or her attorney. Take time to think through decisions. I look back on plenty of things I wanted to do or say at the time and am thankful now that I didn't - they would have just made things worse. You will be much better off, both in the short term and in the long run, if you keep your cool.
3. On a related note, as others have said, don't give in on issues just because of out-dated notions of what the woman should get or what the man is responsible for. It's 2013, not 1950. Not sure how it is where you are but here in Louisiana, we hashed out the property settlement ourselves, the attorney typed it up and the judge basically rubber-stamped it. Again, I realize that is pretty unique. We were lucky in that we didn't have kids and really only had a house (which we were trying to sell anyway), some retirement accounts and a couple of cars to deal with.
4. Make sure you have some support for yourself in place, whether that's friends, family, a counselor, a priest, etc... It definitely helps to have someone who is completely unbiased - like a counselor or priest - to talk with. What happened with me (and happened with a friend of mine when he went through his divorce, as well) was that I felt great the first few months after my ex and I split. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Then, kind of out of nowhere, things went south and I dealt with a bout of depression for a while. And even with a good support system in place, it took me a while to get though it. Don't be afraid to say you need help.
*** Reply fail... supposed to be a general reply to the original post. ***
My divorce was about as amicable as it could possibly have been - we only used one lawyer because we basically agreed on the property settlement (thankfully we didn't have kids) and my ex still calls and wishes me a happy birthday. Even with that, though, it still sucked.
Some others have said some of this but it doesn't hurt to repeat it.
1. Make sure every thing is in writing. The only thing my ex and I "fought" over (and I use that for lack of a better term) had to do with her car, which was in my name. We talked about dealing with it one way in person but when the first draft of the property settlement came from the attorney, it was handled differently. We were able to sort it out but not having things in writing can bite you in the ***.
2. Don't let emotion (either anger or sadness) get the better of you, especially when dealing with your soon-to-be ex or her attorney. Take time to think through decisions. I look back on plenty of things I wanted to do or say at the time and am thankful now that I didn't - they would have just made things worse. You will be much better off, both in the short term and in the long run, if you keep your cool.
3. On a related note, as others have said, don't give in on issues just because of out-dated notions of what the woman should get or what the man is responsible for. It's 2013, not 1950. Not sure how it is where you are but here in Louisiana, we hashed out the property settlement ourselves, the attorney typed it up and the judge basically rubber-stamped it. Again, I realize that is pretty unique. We were lucky in that we didn't have kids and really only had a house (which we were trying to sell anyway), some retirement accounts and a couple of cars to deal with.
4. Make sure you have some support for yourself in place, whether that's friends, family, a counselor, a priest, etc... It definitely helps to have someone who is completely unbiased - like a counselor or priest - to talk with. What happened with me (and happened with a friend of mine when he went through his divorce, as well) was that I felt great the first few months after my ex and I split. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Then, kind of out of nowhere, things went south and I dealt with a bout of depression for a while. And even with a good support system in place, it took me a while to get though it. Don't be afraid to say you need help.
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Your story is more likely to strengthen those "rumors" you speak of
as opposed to shooting them down. After all, you do admit to assault and battery, and using coaches from your school to assist you in said crime spree. It's also truly amazing that you are so narcissistic that you have no problems turning even a depressing *** thread like this one into a thread about how awesome you are.
Let's see, instead of giving some advice as requested by the OP, you managed to tell us:
That you were a hellraiser;
That you are super smart and think outside the box;
That you were without a doubt a much better coach than your head coach;
That you were so good at coaching that you got a new job in a new state immediately;
That you are a super badass who can beat some ***; and
That you banged tons of chicks;
Sad, really. I did get a few seconds of entertainment and head-shaking out of reading your story though. So I guess there's that.
as opposed to shooting them down. After all, you do admit to assault and battery, and using coaches from your school to assist you in said crime spree. It's also truly amazing that you are so narcissistic that you have no problems turning even a depressing *** thread like this one into a thread about how awesome you are.
Let's see, instead of giving some advice as requested by the OP, you managed to tell us:
That you were a hellraiser;
That you are super smart and think outside the box;
That you were without a doubt a much better coach than your head coach;
That you were so good at coaching that you got a new job in a new state immediately;
That you are a super badass who can beat some ***; and
That you banged tons of chicks;
Sad, really. I did get a few seconds of entertainment and head-shaking out of reading your story though. So I guess there's that.
Goat you calling me a loser is like a special olympic basketball player calling LeBron James a loser
In my line of work I run into a lot of students (and a lot from divorced families). This is the only sure thing in this whole thread. No matter what you tell them or how much you tell them, your actions speak loudest. If daddy or mommy leave, they will think it was their fault. If daddy or mommy gets a "new family" the kids will think they weren't good enough. These scars will never fully heal. The odds of them divorcing will skyrocket. From what I know (which isn't much) the bible allows divorce on the grounds of adultery, abuse or abandonment. But I do know that it NEVER recommends it. There's probably a reason for that. I say this with as much earnestness as can be communicated on a silly message board: I am so sorry for your children.
Don't let her have everything now, but be careful with the long-term stuff. Make sure all of that is fair and you aren't getting screwed because you aren't thinking right and just want it over with. I'm going through the same thing but we have a young kid and not an older one like yours seems to be. She tried to screw me over on some long term stuff initially. And I would make her do an 8.05 (at least that's what it is in MS) which essentially makes her present all assets and bank accounts and anything else. You'll have to do the same, but it keeps you from getting screwed in the future if you find he was hiding some money or asset. I don't know about Bama, but MS doesn't require alimony, just child support.
As everyone else has said, LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER.
As everyone else has said, LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER.
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The only thing worse than getting a divorce is raising kids in a ****** marriage. Sometimes things are too far past a point of repair. The most important thing I think is to never say a BS word about the other parent, even if you despise them. Your kids will only grow to distrust and despise you for that.
Expect to be screwed in court. But fight hard not to avoid it. Don't let her keep you out of your kids' life. She's no longer in love so the potential for her to be cruel and vindictive has increased exponentially. And the court is not on your side. For instance, the mere mention that you're abusive or she's afraid of you can result in you losing your hunting weapons. Divorce lawyers encourage women to lie and cry. BTW, American women initiate divorce in at least two thirds of the cases. Look around married guys. If you get divorced chances are the one you fell in love with and married will initiate it and you may not even see it coming (but college grads do have lower divorce rates than others). At least you're tired of her as well. Get in shape and when all of this is over start getting some new tail. Chances are that you can get more interest from someone younger. You earned it.
Sorry your divorce has to take place in Alabama. Some screwed up rulings in Alabama. Do fight back, don't roll over. Do NOT make a list of what you want, let her do that. If it ain't on the list, it's yours. But, most of all, no matter what, keep a good relationship with your kids. Don't trash your wife to them, use your friends for that.
That I was not authorized to do this. This was at work with really strange systems.
At home I am able to do this. Just tried.
Lots of good advice. I told her I wasn't going to file because of Biblical objections. She went nuts. Told her fine, I'm done. Can't live with this anymore. Saw my lawyer today. She gave me some good advice (some of which was mentioned here) on AL law. She went over my draft settlement agreement (wife hadn't seen it yet) & whacked out quite a few concessions. She also found me a big bargaining chip. Going to present it to the wife to take to a lawyer. She will hate some of it, but she is being treated more than fair. Only got to pay child support 4 years, but I will keep him up as he needs afterwards. Looking for the positives: 1) more MSU games, 2) more hunting/fishing, 3) no bitching about 1 & 2.
I am not married and have never been married, so I can't give you any divorce advice, but allow me to give you some advice I can give from experience...
Personally, I'd back track and delete some of the specifics you mentioned in your posts here. Be as vague as possible, or just put "delete" in the column (most of us will understand). I guess if it were me, I wouldn't want anything in writing I wasn't willing to give or that could be held against me. I have to be careful about things like this in the environment I work in, and if you aren't careful, anything specific in writing can and will be held against you, if found out.
Just some friendly advice.
Personally, I'd back track and delete some of the specifics you mentioned in your posts here. Be as vague as possible, or just put "delete" in the column (most of us will understand). I guess if it were me, I wouldn't want anything in writing I wasn't willing to give or that could be held against me. I have to be careful about things like this in the environment I work in, and if you aren't careful, anything specific in writing can and will be held against you, if found out.
Just some friendly advice.
OM Law Dog, there was nothing vndictive about my divorce, and the kids were free to come and go as they chose...and they got equal love and support from both us....but over the years, they both have told me that's the worst thing that happened to them.
They are screwed, regardless of how sweet the break-up is.
Their family history is forever altered.
I can relate. My own parents were divorced when I was only 2.
They are screwed, regardless of how sweet the break-up is.
Their family history is forever altered.
I can relate. My own parents were divorced when I was only 2.
So clear something up for me....
Was the "guy" who was 6'5" 350 who bear hugged you from behind your wife or not?
shehadadicku
Was the "guy" who was 6'5" 350 who bear hugged you from behind your wife or not?
shehadadicku
book is on hold- wife doesnt want me to publish all the womanizing parts...she's seen some pics (the biter) and knows a couple of the stories
The guy who brags about his womanizing is like the guy who brags about...
how much money he has.... prolly broke.
how much money he has.... prolly broke.
Its not bragging- my stories are a little unusual...I'm a magnet for crazy chicks...the book is sort of like The Hangover meets Misery
For example- my divorce story is fairly normal compared to some of the other stories
Good lord you have to be kidding. You cannot possibly be a real person...
if you are, you are one of the dumbest sons of bitches on the planet.
if you are, you are one of the dumbest sons of bitches on the planet.
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