2025 Roster Numerology Portends A National Title

As many of you know, I’m the foremost football numerology expert in the world. Unlike the traditional numerology quackery practiced by California life coaches and carnival gypsies, my football numerology is grounded in ancient gridiron wisdom, provable performance metrics, and my profound insight into human nature.[Sign up for Inside Texas for $1 and get PLUS access up to the Ohio State game!]

The kind of insights that you can only find here.

After a deep examination of the new Longhorn football roster, I bring you glad tidings. I will simply say that our program has many initiates in The Way, Men Who Carry The Fire.

THE INTERIOR DL HAVE HONORED THEIR UNIT

All of the newcomers, whether portal or true freshmen, honored themselves and their families. Look at how many numbers in the 90s they selected:

90 – Josiah Sharma

93 – Hero Kanu

96 – Lavon Johnson

98 – Maraad Watson

99 – Cole Brevard (a 90’s number and a double number – Powerful Cole Brevard)

I’m so proud. I’m tearing up a little. Do you know how scary it is when you bring in players from slapdick programs like Maryland where it’s seen as cool for a defensive tackle to wear #2? Lavon Johnson understood the assignment. Remember that Alex January is #97 and that Vasek and Burke are #91 and #92. Leadership. A room of champions.

Edges have different rules. You can even wear a number in the 80s if you’re Nigerian.

When our interior DL deviated, they did so acceptably, choosing powerful double numbers:

33 Myron Charles

44 Travis Shaw

#33 and #44 are the correct double numbers for any DL. #22 is stupid – that’s a running back. As is #66. That’s a guard. #88? Nigerian.

#33 and #44 also evoke Lamarr Houston and Cole Pittman. Enough said.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

Well, you’re about to.

Stud walk-on RB Colin Page hails from a certain Austin high school known for producing badasses and future orthodontists.

He wears #27.

Turn to page 27 in the print edition of the 2025 Longhorn Football Prospectus: Thinking Texas Football. Do it. Do not be frightened.

Who is on that page? THE COLIN PAGE.

We are dealing with forces that you can barely comprehend.

IDEAL OFFENSE-DEFENSE SYMMETRY

Remember when Colt McCoy and Earl Thomas shared #12? Profound.

Right now Colin Simmons and Ryan Wingo both share #1. Stud outside. Stud outside. One gets to the QB. The other gets from the QB. They illustrate the duality of man, but the #1 suggests underlying coherence. Oneness. A singularity.

Arch Manning and Michael Taffe share #16. QB of the offense. QB of the defense.

ARCH JUST BEING ARCH

Arch has an elite mental eval, proven by his choice of #16. He chose his own number, eschewing Peyton’s #18, Eli’s #10, and Grandpa’s #8. Wise enough to forge his own path, but still embraces one of the traditional numbers of QBing mystical power (those numbers are #7, #12, #16). When he did that, I knew he would hit. If Arch had picked #6 or #17, it’s a big problem. I would have just cut him.

Of course, Arch gets it.

You don’t think Sark understands this? He was #12 at BYU.

TIGHT ENDS

Tight ends should have a number in the teens, #44, or in the 80s. That’s it. If you don’t understand that, I can’t help you understand it. You have to keep up.

Look at this:

81 Nick Townsend

84 Jordan Washington

85 Emaree Winston

88 Jack Endries

Winners all. Endries choosing #88 guarantees no drops. Winston could have acceptably deviated to workmanlike fullback numbers due to his H-back role (obviously, H-backs operate from a different rule set from pure TE’s, it is known) but he wanted to be with his guys.

Fantastic.

THE JUSTUS TERRY PROBLEM

He’s #15. At least it’s not a single digit. Since he’s projected as sort of a 5 tech or hybrid edge right now, it’s fine. Edges must be allowed to express themselves, within reason. However, he will eventually be a true DT. #95 is currently available. #44 will be available post Shaw.

If you see him around Austin, remark: “Oh, are you a walk-on QB? FYI, you share your number with our kickoff specialist. I hear #95 is available. Do you not want to to play in the NFL?”

RULES FOR POLYNESIANS

It’s important that Polynesians be given numbers that slim their calves. However, Liona Lefau is a trim Polynesian. So he can wear any number he likes. Even #18.

If a Poly DL picks #41 and you question that choice, an acceptable answer from him would be: “In the oral tradition of my family, it is how many men my great great grandfather clubbed to death over fishing rights, using just a coconut.” That number increases his mana. Do not argue with this player about fishing.

[Want to be the most informed Texas Longhorns football fan? Order the 2025 edition of Thinking Texas Football today!]

Well, I hope you all learned something. There are other connections and internal symmetries that I dare not reveal as you are all just Level 3 initiates. Showing you the Colin Page page was likely too much, but I want you to understand that there are levels still yet attainable.